Deaf Sam verse: End of Silence
by BeckaBoo1735
Summary: Dean was 17yrs old, the son of the grand hunter John Winchester. Sam was 13yrs old, the towns deaf foster freak. Protective!Dean John Hurt!Sam WARNING! Sexual/Physical abuse! Nothing graphic though!
1. You Found Me Broken

**End of Silence**

**Summary**:

Dean was 17 years old, a great shot and the son of the grand hunter John Winchester. Sam was 13 years old, the deaf school freak and the son of who knows what? All he knew was he has 2 sucky foster parents that only used him for the money.

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**Thanks:**

**Bia1007 for begging me to put this out and keep it out of the trash. Read the first 3 chapters I wrote and gave me reviews and lot's of loving words of encouragement and heart!!! You ever need a boost in the confidence of your writing, go to her!!!**

**MonkeyMuse for all the deaf info and help!! amazing writer and always there to be my shoulder to whine on.**

**Mary, twinnie, who told me to write this in the first place!! Shoulder to whine to as well!! **

**Love you all, everyone that reads this and enjoys it x **

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**You Found Me Broken**

Today was the first day at a new school for Dean Winchester.

'_Lucky me,'_ he thought whilst driving in the middle of two car spaces with his new car his dad gave him on his 16th birthday, he needed to keep his baby as safe from stupid kid drivers as possible.

He got out of the car and straightened out the collar on his favoured leather jacket.

He got a few looks from random jocks that saw the new guy as competition but otherwise it was a smooth walk from the parking lot to the front office where he had to sign in.

"Hi I'm Dean Winchester, my dad told me to sign in here for my first day," he said to the grey haired receptionist who blushed when she saw his sparkling green eyes and charming smile.

'_Not enough liquor on the planet sweetheart.' _

"Sure sweetie pie just sign here and I'll go get your new rotor for you darling, how old are you?" she asked making conversation as Dean signed the 'code of conduct' with the school rules on.

"17, I'm a senior," he said with a wink just to get on her good side that bit more.

"Winchester...Winchester...oh, here we are," she said handing a new time table for him. "If there's anything you need just come back here and I'll sort it out okay darling," she grinned then melted as he nodded talking them from her and walking to where he had his first class.

He walked in and introduced himself to the new teacher like he always does, the teacher introduced him to the class, like they always do, then he took the empty seat at the back of the class, like he always does.

He listened to the teacher drone on about the great world poets that he could care less about, especially after hearing it 3 times this year already. He wrote down when he was told, not that he wanted to, this was the third freaking time he's wrote this bull in 11 month! 'lay low, we don't need to attract attention to ourselves,' he heard his dads voice tell him in his head...lay low...well he shouldn't be such a fugitive so he wouldn't have to lay low and he could decide to not write and do as the teachers says for once.

He ranted to himself for the whole hour till the bell rang and the teacher dismissed them.

He went to history, he introduced himself, he wrote about the war like he was told from the desk at the back. He ranted some more to himself thinking no one ever listens to him, he's never had anyone to talk to ever, no one would understand, no one could ever know what he does which meant no one could ever be his friend because no one trusted him.

"Mr. Winchester? The class has ended, unless you wanna spend your break helping me clear up, its break time son," Mr. Sheaves said snapping Dean out of his daze.

"Oh...Yeah, sorry," he said collecting his books and leaving.

**~S/D~**

He got a good look at the old locker and it was so trashed the key wasn't needed to open it.

"Mental note, don't ever leave any valuables in here," he muttered to himself.

"Why do you do that?" a girl who he recognised from his English class asked walking past him in the corridor as he went to go wander the school till the next lesson started.

"Do what?" he asked a little cold.

"Talk to yourself, it's the first sign of madness you know," she said smartly and he friends giggled.

"Just go drool over some emo or something," he said walking off and outside into the school yard.

Truth be told he talked to himself because there was no one else to talk to, not his dad, not his dads friends, not chicks at school that fancied the tall dark stranger...not anyone.

When he got outside he sat on the empty bench and looked round, this was one of the better schools but who cares? They're all the same boring dumps by the end of the week.

"Aawwww little Samantha gunna cry? Awww well it's too bad no one can hear you crying for your mommy," someone said making Dean look up..._'well I might not be able to hear the kid but I sure as hell can see the tears on his face.'_

"Hey!" he yelled storming over to the pack of 4 bullies.

"Get up you deaf freak!!" the one that looked like the leader yelled spitting on the poor defenceless kid.

"Hey, what the hell are you punks doing?!" Dean yelled pissed with white knuckles ready to strike.

"Dude what hell do you want? This is our meat to kick, go find your own," he fat one yelled.

"What has this kid done to you?!" the muscular Winchester asked.

"This Sammy, the school freak, we're entitled to have fun," the leader said laughing down at the silently crying boy.

"If you don't leave in 3 seconds I am gunna beat your ass so hard you'll be begging me to stop," he hissed low.

"What the hell? Can you hear this guy?" the leader said laughing at the beet red 6.1 new guy.

He was howling with his minions till Dean's fist hit his face and sent him to the ground hard.

"Not so tough now are ya? Try picking on someone your own size! Or better yet, try mouthing off to me again!"

The punks looked in shock at how powerful one of Dean's hooks was and they ran off scrambling and falling over their own feet as they ran like sissies.

"Hey kid you okay?" Dean asked bending down to the still scared youngster.

Dean looked confused when the kid looked at him like he was an alien not replying.

"You okay? What's your name?" Dean asked slower mentally wincing at the bruise forming on the kids right eye.

He older one looked offended.

'_Great, no one want to talk to me about anything_,' he barked standing from the mop haired boy and going to walk away feeling unwanted and rejected.

Then he felt a tug on his right sleeve making him turn around.

The boy was mouthing something Dean couldn't make out. He wasn't making many sounds apart from mumbles and humming. Then he pointed to his ear and shook his head, then he pointed to his mouth and shook his head no again.

The penny dropped, Dean understood now, with what the punks said and how the boy was acting, he got that he was deaf and he couldn't speak.

"Uuh, okay, pen...pen and paper?" Dean asked loud signing with his hand and pretending to write on his palm.

The kid scrabbled on the floor where his books and sketch pad where until he found a pencil and some damp paper.

Dean wrote on the paper then showed it to the boy.

"**ARE YOU OKAY?"** he wrote in big bold letters.

The boy nodded.

"**ARE YOU SURE?"** he wrote then showed it to the boy.

He nodded again but tears still came down and his body still shook on the cold wet ground.

"Here, let me help you up," Dean said holding the young kid by the shoulders who flinched away and stood without Deans help and he back away like he was expecting another punch.

The older one bent down to pick up all of the boys things and he handed the wet books and bag over. Last Dean picked up the paper he wrote on and wrote, **"WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"** then he held it out for the boy who took it and wrote with a shaky hand "Sam".

Dean nodded smiling at the name...Sam, Sammy, sounds like a cute kid.

The bell rang then and Dean turned to the ratty clothed Sam, "where are your friends?"

Sam frowned and then looked down as more tears came, he could lip read a little but he could never understand anything more than 'hello'.

Dean gave himself a mental kick in the jewels for asking and not writing.

He took the pad from Sam and wrote it instead and putting a smiley face underneath as an apology.

Sam smiled at the face but bit his lip at the words.

"**Don't have any,"** he wrote.

"**Well, now you do,"** Dean wrote with an even bigger smiley.

Sam looked shocked at the words, he wanted to be his friend?...this cool guy wanted to be the loser of the schools friend?!

Not knowing how to react to the gesture he dropped all his things and wrapped his arms round Dean's middle as a huge thank you, he'd never had one friend, ever!

Dean looked taken aback by the hug...this felt so right, he felt like he had a connection and he felt like he was meant to see this kid being beat up just so he could save him and Dean himself could have someone to talk to finally, in a manner of speaking.

Dean chuckled at Sam then pulled back and went to pick his things up for him for a second time.

They walked to their own lessons after writing where to meet for lunch, it was Dean's idea, one, he didn't want to spend another lunch time alone, and two, he didn't like the idea of leaving Sam alone in that court yard to get bullied again.

Dean's science teacher was just as friendly as the others and the hour went quickly now he had something to look forward to for once.

**~S/W~**

Sam's teachers however, they were rude, ignorant and refused to acknowledge Sam's constant bullying throughout their lessons.

The poor boy sat there in the front of the class getting spit balls tossed at the back of his head and kicking the back of his chair which would always agitate the youngster into turning round and mewing the only sounds he could, telling them to stop. Which of course they found hilarious, ooh look at the skinny deaf kid making funny noises trying to say something, HA-fucking-HA HA HA!

Sam refused to cry, he would never cry in class, sure he cried when he couldn't help himself when they were beating his face in but paper coated in spit and laughter from evil kids wouldn't make him cry.

He watched the clock trying ignore the class bullies and wait for his new friend to meet him at the gate for lunch. He was so excited, he never remembered being this excited for lunch before, usually his meal times consisted of a candy bar he could maybe afford twice a week with the money Frank and Alice gave him sometimes then it would be back to the punching and name calling he couldn't hear but could feel the loathing they had towards him. But today it would be him eating a candy bar and maybe his friend wouldn't let him get hurt today.

When the bell rang Sam was the first to rush out of the class room to go meet his cool friend.

Dean walked out of his classroom and put his science crap in the locker before he waited for the huge line of school kids rushing and pushing to get out of the school for lunch..._'wonder where Sam likes to go to eat?'_

When he finally got outside he rushed down the steps and went to the front gate where he was meeting Sammy.

But when he got nearing the place where he found him this morning he heard the same voices calling names and fists hitting flesh.

"Well crap!" Dean muttered to himself as he ran to the tree where he found Sam slumped against with assholes in his face.

"I got grounded cos of you! You and your little cry baby mumbles always wanting attention!"

"Hey! I thought I told you assholes to piss off!!" Dean yelled storming to them.

They ran off again and left a now bleeding Sam on the floor again.

"Sam, Sammy are you okay?" Dean rushed bending down in front of the boy who was crying more than this morning holding his bleeding nose.

Sam flinched back away from Dean. He let him get hurt, he thought Dean was his friend, he obviously thought wrong, just another bully wanting to have a good laugh at his expense.

"Sammy come on, I'm taking you home," Dean said picking the kid from the ground and holding him as he swayed.

'_You're doing it again!'_ he said to himself then he wrote it on his hand for Sam to see.

Sam shook his head terrified after he was done reading. He couldn't go home now, they'll yell at him again, the other kids will beat him worse than the punks do at school, he couldn't go home!

"**MY HOME!"** Dean wrote on the other hand with slight difficulty.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief, maybe the new friend wasn't so bad after all..._'but I wonder how his family will see me,'_ he thought worrying more.

Dean helped Sam into his car and he told the boy to keep one of his old shirts he found on the backseat to his nose to help stop the bleeding.

At fist Sam protested but Dean gave him a look, almost brotherly, warning him to do as he was told so he did. Sam also wrote to Dean, he didn't know his name yet, he saw the older boy mouthing Sammy all the time on the drive back to the motel. Dean wrote his name and Sam smiled, Dean...sounds like a cool name!

"Dean what are doing home early? I thought I told you to lay low! Have you got suspended again?!" John yelled when both boys came in together.

"No dad, I rescued a stray," Dean smirked and Sam frowned back not reading his lips at all.

"Dean what?!" John yelled and Sam could see the anger in the old man's eyes and he could feel the vibrations from his booming voice through the walls.

"Dad, just...let me clean Sam up first, then you can yell," Dean said sighing at his father, couldn't he see the boy was hurting and bleeding?

Dean dragged Sam into the motel bathroom closing the door then pulling the shirt away when he sat Sam in the closed toilet.

He gave a thumbs up when he saw the bleeding had stopped so he wiped the kid clean gently and smiled when he saw the nose wasn't broken..._'lucking for those punks!'._

Sam smiled back thank Dean for all his help, no has ever done anything this nice for him, ever!

He leapt forward again and hugged Dean round the waist.

The older boy smiled and placed a hand in Sam's messy hair chuckling at the young buys affection, how could anyone be so mean to this kid?

They pulled away from each other and then exited the bathroom. Preparing for John to yell Dean went out first and kept Sam behind him, his dad would never hunt anyone living but he didn't want Sam face first in front of another mean glare that didn't understand.

"Dad, this is Sam, he was being bullied at school and they almost broke his nose so I brought him here to patch him up," Dean said to his dad who did seem calmer now seeing the young innocent boy and his frightened eyes peeking from round the very protective Dean.

"Doesn't he have a family at his own home to clean him up?" John questioned looking up from his research papers.

"Well, I wrote that but he looked scared when I suggested his home."

"You wrote?" John asked confused.

"Uuh, yeah, that's why they bully him, he's deaf, but I swear he's a good kid dad, there's just some assholes at the school gunning for him for some stupid reason," Dean spat and Sam picked up on his tensed posture.

"So you two are friends?" John asked his son.

"Yeah, guess so, can he lay low here till schools out?" he asked his dad using his best puppy eye expression.

"Sure, but anything else comes up, you report it to school nurse, you don't play nurse yourself, we need to lay low and you taking in stray kids doesn't exactly cover that," John said getting his coat and pointing to the door telling Dean he was gone at the end of the school day.

Getting the wrong impression Sam's eyes filled with tears and he came out from behind Dean and went towards the door sniffling. He knew this would happen, even Dean's dad hated him! _'Everybody hates me,'_ he thought as he reached for the door.

"Sam where you going?" Dean asked pulling him away from the door.

Sam's cheeks were streaked with tears, he was so confused, he didn't know what they wanted, what he was doing here and why they were so nice to him.

Dean's heart broke at the lost little boy looking up at him, he was never a soppy guy but this kid was really getting to him.

Sammy's lip tremored again and more tears fell...this is so confusing..._'I hate being deaf!'_ he said hitting his ear hard with his fist.

Dean stood in shock at the kid hitting himself looking ashamed and angry grunting low in his throat as he hit hard making the ear red and hot.

He pulled Sam's hand away but he continued to wriggle out of his grip to hit his head again.

Not knowing what else to do, Dean wrapped his arms round Sam and shushed him where they stand.

John watched the pair in awe, Dean was so careful with this boy, he always did want a little brother or sister to protect, to share stories with, to talk to.

"Dean, you kids wanna watch some TV while I go and get us some food and call the school?" the elder man asked when the boys pulled away from each other.

"Yeah, we have subtitles?" Dean asked pulling Sam toward his bed furthest away from the door and sitting the young boy down on it.

"I dunno, you figure it out," John chuckled tossing Dean the remote, _'didn't he know I can't even work a toaster?'_

John left to get the things he said, whilst the boys watched some TV when Dean figured out how to put the subtitles on the screen for the young boy in his care.

**~S/W~**

"Oooh shit. I mean shoot!" Dean corrected standing up and rushing to put his jacket on, he didn't even notice it was so late.

Not seeing any paper round Dean tapped on his watch frantically showing Sam who in turn went wide eyed and panicky.

Dean dragged the youngster to his car then they drove out of the motel spot.

"Where do you live?" he asked and Sam frowned and squinted trying to see what Dean said.

He opened a few slots in the car looking for some paper then Sam bent down and got some from his muddy back pack along with a pen handing it to Dean.

When the older one finally figured out where the house was that Sam wrote down he nodded and followed the road signs driving fast.

They pulled up outside the dark house on some old litter street.

"This is where you live?" Dean asked Sam making a face, he'd stayed in some gross motels but Sam's home takes the cake.

The young boy not hearing his waved smiling as he got out of the car.

Dean wrote a little note to Sam handing it to him just before he watched his new friend go into the dirty house and wave again before he closed the door.

"Poor kid," he mumbled to himself watching for a few minutes then he drove off.

Sam walked in the house and went straight up the steps knowing his foster parents were out drinking right now with the money that was going to be put to a fund for him for his new classes for sign language. He never saw the money, it was locked away where he couldn't get it, he hoped they were saving up for him for once but when Alice got the envelop out with dollar bills in he saw the words 'Samuels ASL' and he taking a huge wad of the money and putting it in her back pocket before she yelled at him and he ran up the stairs scared. Each day he saw the envelope, more money was going out of it than going in till the money stopped one day. His hopes for communication where crushed.

They'd never taken him to the doctors, never made one appointment, and he was pretty sure the foster agency had no clue how he was made to live. The biological kids of Alice and Frank were always beating on him, laughing when he tried to talk, it got so bad he didn't even bother trying anymore, it was worse than at school because he thought these people were nice and they were his family, but from the day he came home with them they took all the benefit money from him to spend on cigarettes and crap, and never spent a single penny of it on him. He wouldn't mind if every now and then he got a new shirt or something, or even a new pair of socks, he'd be grateful for them, but they never gave him any so they would never find out how grateful he was for the tiny things.

"Hey what the hell are you doing home so late you freak?!" one of the mean kids yelled as Sam pushed past just wanting to be left alone in his room, he didn't want Kyle to ruin the end of what was for Sam, a really good day.

He saw the mean looks, he knew what Kyle was thinking, he couldn't hear but hello!! He still had eyes, and darn good ones at that.

Sam ignored him and went to his room at the end of the small hall closing the door and putting the lock on.

He put his bag down and laid on his bed, his was even smaller than the one he sat on earlier at Dean's place, it was even older too and he hadn't changed the sheets in weeks. Making a note to himself to wash them this weekend he pulled back the covers and laid down. His nose still hurt and he had a massive head ache building, this was the fourth time this month.

The pounding started in his ears then it worked its way in and through to his jaw then it would spread to his head leaving him in agony within an hour.

He closed his eyes hoping he would be asleep before it happened this time.

Unfortunately 2 hours later he was sobbing in pain and needing a release from the tortured pain.

"Would you keep it down! I'm trying to get high here!" Tony, the other kid of Alice and Frank yelled.

Sam laid on his side curled up in a fatal position clawing at his head as it throbbed and rang loud in his head. He cry silently knowing he would get good thump in the gut if he made a sound and he knew he wasn't going to any sleep tonight either.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx **

**Reviews? Is it worth posting more?**

**Please be kind, my first attempt at a AU other than my Elli/Tommy fic. **

**I'm really REALLY REALLLLYYY nervous about this one!! So please pretty please be nice...please....*puppy eyes*...please...I'm scared people hate it already...**


	2. Smile Like You Mean It

**Omg I am so so so so so SORRY!!! I was sick, then I couldn't sleep, then I got sicker...then I was freaking out I had to go to the hospital again so I couldn't sleep even more, but I'm back!! yay, no ER needed ....UUHH drama! **

**Anyhoo, I really would like to thank you guys sooo much, holy...14 reviews on one chapter, hehe thank you!!! *does happy dance***

**So...all the people I couldn't thank personally x...**

**coldkagome- thank you so much, I'll take the almost crying as a compliment haha, and thank you so much for saying I write good, that means so mcuh to ****me!! :D**

**Ali- so grateful you want more x thx for reviewing x**

**Jessica- yup, you know Dean, he likes to save his Sammy, thank you so much for reviewing x **

**Everyone else, thank you!! al the favs I've been added to, (I'll have to look them up)...and all you guys, THANK YOU!! lov ya x **

**Smile Like You Mean It**

"Dean you're gunna be late for school," John said to his son.

"Not my fault."

"What was that?" John warned knowing that was aimed at him.

"Nothing, see you after school."

Dean picked his keys up and shut the motel door a little too hard as he went out. He was so sick of his father's orders and the constant hunts he would be dragged on. Last night he was forced to stay up till 5:30 doing research for the next job his father had found, why he couldn't get a real job every now and then just so Dean could be a kid..._'I'll never know,'_ he thought sighing as he drove to school. His mind wondered to how slow a full day would pass in this crapy school, but then he remembered Sam and spending the afternoon with him. He wondered how the kid got to school himself, there didn't look to be any cars around not to mention parents, he had to hand it to his father, even though he dragged him across god's green earth and had done since he was 4, at least he cared enough to drag him along and make sure he was safe by his side at all times.

He pulled into the middle of the two parking spots he had yesterday and got out heading for the entrance and looking for his friend at the same time.

He saw no sign of Sam and just decided to go inside, the bell had gone and he couldn't risk his attendance being poor, his dad would have a field day yelling.

He sat down and waited for the teacher to start, all the while thinking of where Sam would be right now, he couldn't help but feel like something bad was up with the kid, _'no I'm just being paranoid cos this is the first person on the planet that has ever wanted to talk to me, stop being so weird, he's gunna think you're gay!'_

He tapped his foot all lesson waiting for the bell to ring and the next lesson to start, then it would be break after and he could get rid of this pit he was feeling about Sam.

**~S/D~**

He walked into his first class dragging his bag on the floor unable to lift it to his shoulder, he had just spent all night awake with a migraine from hell, then he had to walk 30 minutes to school taking all the back ways so kids wouldn't toss trash at him or trip him up along the way, he learned that the hard way many years ago.

"Hey freaks here!" one of the kids yelled and all the others laughed, even the nicer ones that only did it to fit in. Sam could see the looks and points he received just like every morning and he knew they were saying something horrible about him.

"Settle class, we have a test today and I don't want any cheating!" the teacher ordered and Sam didn't have a clue what she was saying. He was always handed a book and just read till he finished and he was handed another. Since he got to high school not one of his teachers made the effort to help him learn, no extra aids or anything, just a book slammed on his desk and that was it. Sam was a naturally smart kid though so he would always get B's at least, it was one of the reasons why others hated him so much, they would have to listen to the teacher all ours of the day while Sam could _'get the easy way out,'_ as they called it.

Sam sank on his chair and he didn't even care to feel the paper ball that just tossed at his still aching head. He was too tired to care today. He hoped it would be easy book today. But his hopes were crushed when a test paper was put in front of him. He resisted the urge to groan in misery knowing it would only get him laughs and more bullying.

"And you may start!" the teacher said and when Sam saw everyone else writing he took that as his cue to start the paper. He knew he would fail this one because he couldn't even see straight right now.

He tried to fill in the spaces left for answers but gave up after half an hour and just closed the pages and waited for the vibrations of the bell for the next lesson which was history and he knew they would be watching a film on war so he could fall to sleep there for an hour at least.

**~S/D~**

Dean waited for Sam at the entrance when break came. He waited for five minutes, half of his break then Sam finally came out, looking like total crap.

Dean's eyes went wide and sympathetic when he saw the pain lines and the dark circles on the boys face as he approached.

He pulled up the small motel pad of paper he picked up in the morning and wrote something as they walked down the steps silently together.

"**You look like you're about to pass out dude."**

Sam's only answer was a shrug of the shoulders.

"**What's up?" **Dean wrote feeling worried about the kid, that same worry that had settled.

Sam shook his head and shrugged again as if to say nothing, but Dean could tell his new friend wasn't doing so good, he sure as hell didn't look it.

He dragged the kid to the empty picnic like table and as soon as the kid was sitting his head flopped on the table closing his eyes.

Dean shook the boy awake gently and wrote something else.

"**You wanna skip again?"**

He knew he really shouldn't, his dad would kill him, he had a clear warning to report Sam to school nurse if he needed patching up again but seeing the state of the kid he knew he didn't need a nurse, he needed a warm bed and goodnights sleep, which is something Sam could only achieve at this very moment by skipping with Dean.

Sam shook his head and pulled up into sitting knowing he couldn't, knowing Dean couldn't, he didn't want him to fail just because he was tired.

Dean felt kind of helpless then, he knew he couldn't really skip, plus Sam didn't want to, but it wasn't even lunch time and the kid could barely stand.

"**How about we meet for lunch and you can tell me where the best places are to eat in this town, then you can sleep in my car after we eat?"**

Sam nodded and smiled the best his tired face could when he read, he didn't have any idea where they could eat for 10 cents but if Dean wanted to eat out, then he could sleep, that was fine by him.

Dean nodded once smirking but frowned when the bell went. He pulled a face that Sam giggled to at the best of his ability and that seemed to make Dean smile too confusing Sam. He knew he made a laughing sound, and he hoped to god Dean didn't think he was a freak now with what he just did.

"**Let's go to class, I'll meet you here," **Dean wrote after he helped Sam to stand and walk to his next class.

Sam smiled all the way there as Dean walked with him, hovering at the side with his hands ready to catch the boy that looked like he was about to fall over at any moment.

Dean let out a sigh of relief when they made it to Sam's French class without incident. He walked to his own class after glaring at a few mean kids that were about to laugh at Sam, but when they saw how threatening one look from Dean was they backed off as he walked away.

Sam smiled when Dean walked away...he had just saved him again, he didn't know how to repay Dean the first time, never mind 50 times later.

When the teacher of geography started the lesson that no one cared about, not even Sam, he picked up some paper from inside his desk and started drawing, he knew it wouldn't be much but it's a start.

**~S/D~**

At lunch Dean asked Sam where he wanted to eat but Sam shrugged and wrote he wasn't hungry, he didn't want Dean thinking he was poor, which he was but he didn't want Dean to think he was gross.

"**You have to eat Sam,"** Dean wrote giving Sam a look when he heard Sam's empty stomach moan.

Sam shook his head and smiled like it was okay, he was used t not eating much, he usually saved up the spare change he found round the house, sometime he got enough to buy a candy bar.

Dean knew that look, the look of 'I'm starving but I can't eat.' He took another good look at Sam, he had tatty clothes on and he hadn't looked to have had a good meal in years, the kid was poorer than him that was for sure.

Sam got a little red when he reached for what was in his bag, for what he had done for Dean. He smiled nervous looking down at his hands as he handed the drawing over.

"Holy...you drew this?" Dean gasped unable to stop himself from speaking in shock.

The picture, the drawing of his beloved car was perfect, the clean lines of the front and the slick shading of the black vehicle was amazing.

"**YOU DREW THIS?!!"**

Sam nodded shyly, he hoped Dean liked it and the wide eyes were a good sign.

"**THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING!"**

Sam grinned at those words, Dean really thought it was amazing?

"**IS THIS MINE?!!"**

Sam nodded again like he was saying 'duh!' in a kind way.

"**How come you drew this for me?"** Dean asked smiling a little calmer, gazing at the black and white drawing.

"**You saved me. Is it okay? I didn't know how to say thank you. Is it bad?"** the young boy winced.

"**NOT AT ALL!"** Dean grinned.

Sam sat there shy again biting the inside of his cheek.

"**Lunch is on me,"** Dean said putting the picture in his grove compartment and starting the car with a huge smile.

Sam looked shocked and worried then, he didn't want Dean wasting his money, what if he only had enough for himself and he had to share now? What if Dean's dad got mad at him because he shared his money to Sam?

His mind going a mile a minute Sam shook his head frantically telling Dean 'no!' but he instantly regretted it when the pain in his temple started again and he winced putting pressure on the side of his head rubbing the pain away slightly.

Dean frowned worried when Sam started rubbing his head, he knew something was up! He shook his head trying to give Sam some space and he just drove to the nearest drive thru he could find.

He glanced over at Sam at regular intervals then back at the road and he was relieved to see the hand was gone and the pain lines were easing out on Sam's forehead when they reached a KFC.

"Yeah could I have 2 meal deals and 2 cokes with that," he shouted into the voice speaker when they pulled in, everyone likes coke and fried chicken.

_"Will that be all sir?"_

"Yeah thanks."

_"Window 1 please,"_ the guy said as Dean drove on to the first window to pay.

Sam frowned when he saw the amount Dean handed the woman at the window, that was a little much for one person right?

Dean smiled at Sam when he got the food handed and he put it in the safety of Sam's lap till they pulled into a parking spot to eat.

Sam made a face when he saw the 2 identical meal boxes, surely he wasn't going to eat all that himself? Was one for him? '_Noo...that's just stupid, he wouldn't waste his money on you!'_

**"Eat up,"** Dean ordered with a kind smile as he took out only one meal for himself and left the other in Sam's lap.

The boy looked shocked, really shocked, chocking on his breaths shocked.

Dean shook his head chuckling as he took a huge bite out of his chicken wing and a huge slurp of soda to wash it down.

All the while Sam was still flapping his mouth like a fish out of water.

Dean pushed the food closer to Sam when he didn't take it hoping he would get the hint.

Sam smiled with happy tears as he took the food out of the greasy box and took a bite like it was precious. When he saw Dean wolfing his food down he thought _'screw it!'_ and just ate, shovelling fries and chicken in his mouth like there was no tomorrow making Dean chuckle again.

When they were done Sam rubbed his belly, his warm belly that was full for the first time since he could remember. His eyes drifted shut when the tiredness hit him, he had gotten to a point where he was so tired he was wide awake, but now he was exhausted again and he welcomed the sleep.

Dean sighed sympathetically at the kid as his head leaned again the cold window and he his eyes closed. The boy looked like he hadn't had sleep in days, and he looked fine yesterday, apart from the busted nose that was still a little red today. Dean had gotten used to little sleep but it seems Sam hadn't, maybe he pulled an all nighter studying or something, seems like the geeky kind with how full his bag was with books.

He hated the fact that he would have to wake Sam in less than half an hour but he could let him sleep right now, the boy needed it big time! Even if it was just 20 minutes.

He started his car again driving slow so his loud engine wouldn't wake Sam, he drove around a bit now wanting to go back to the school parking lot yet. After a good few spins round the block he knew they had to get back. He woke Sam just before they pulled up near school and the kid didn't look any better for the sleep, in fact he looked worse if that was even possible.

**~S/D~**

Sam woke up to someone shaking him, it didn't feel like the harsh shaking he was used to, it felt like a gentle wakeup call that he had never had before. He looked over once he got his lids to open up and he saw Dean smiling at him as he drove to the familiar school gates.

He head was hurting again and he really didn't want to go to gym class today, all those hours consisted of was him getting his shorts pulled down and being pushed over when they were round his ankles.

He dragged himself to his locker in the changing rooms and pulled his jeans down to reveal his short and he took his jacket off leaving him in the t-shit he had worn all day.

When he got to the indoor court he spotted some older kids, he looked around crossing his toes and surely enough he saw Dean picking up the biggest weights and waking over to an empty spot in the gym.

Knowing his gym teacher wasn't here yet he ran over to Dean with a huge smile.

**~S/D~**

Dean was ordered by his new coach to get changed with the others and he did, he rushed to get his kit off, this was one lesson he always aced.

He walked out into the gym with the others and went straight for the weights when the coach told them to just do what they liked for the first week so he could get a good see of who would make the football team. Dean was always offered a place but he always turned it down, he didn't have the time and his dad wouldn't approve.

When he picked up the heaviest the school offered he walked to an empty space to get started. Then he saw a familiar mopped haired kid running towards him with a smile that lit the room.

He was shocked when someone from his own class ran up behind Sam and pulled his shorts down then pushed him to the floor laughing whilst seeing the boy hit the ground.

Dean growled low and put the weights down quickly before running to tackle the bully that just made Sam cry out.

"What the hell was that you jerk?!!" he yelled pushing the kid back hard.

"Hey what's your problem? I was just messin' around!" he yelled as Dean grabbed the front of his t-shirt and pushed him into a brick wall.

"What the hell has Sam done to you huh?!"

"What are you his girlfriend!?"

"Boys break it up!" they heard the coach yell, "Holmes go run laps till the end of school! New kid, cool off!"

Dean gave the douche one last hit into the wall before letting go to go see if Sam was okay.

He kneeled down in front of the whimpering boy and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder making him flinch. He put a hand under the kids chin and lifted his head to make him look up.

Sam had such a sad look in his eyes, like he was just tired of it all, all the bullies, all the pain, all the laughing and evil looks, he was just tired of it all.

He stood up on shaky legs with the help of Dean who was inspecting him for any injuries, when he found none, only red looking knees, he patted the boy on the shoulder and gave him a sympathetic look.

Sam looked down at his feet and pulled up his shorts turning beat red, that was the most embarrassing thing ever! His new friend had just seen him being pushed and seen him having his underwear on show in front of everyone.

Dean saw the look of shame in Sam's eyes so he pulled him over to the empty space he was in and handed the boy the lightest weight with a smile, he was going to show Sam how to defend himself against assholes like that.

The boy took the weight and he almost dropped it, shocked at the weight in his hands. Dean picked up the size second up, not wanting to show off or anything, that wouldn't help Sam's self esteem. The older one showed the younger how to use to weights effectively, showing him the best way to build the most muscle.

Sam smiled when he got the hang of it, this wasn't so hard, this was easier than basketball anyway. Others were watching them, glaring or looking jealous when they saw the size of Dean's guns as he pulled his weights up and down and him nodding proud when Sam picked up the heavier weights. The coaches of both classes never stopped them, in fact they looked impressed at both boys.

After 10 minutes on the weights Dean thought it would be cool if he tested Sam's stamina. He nodded to Sam to do as he did when he put the weights down, then started running to the other side of the gym and back.

Sam didn't get it at first, he thought Dean was bored of him or something but when Dean ran back then patted him and nodded into running too, he smiled and ran by his friends side.

They started off slow at first skipping round all the other kids in their path but when Dean saw Sam was surely good at it he ran faster and faster until they both practically sprinting and laughing together as Sam ran past Dean on the seventh lap.

"Not bad Sammy," he said to himself as he tried to keep up with the kid.

"Ladies, end of school!" his coach yelled and everyone rushed into the changing rooms.

Dean patted Sam and nodded telling him it was time to go in but just when they started walking the way everyone else was going the coach stopped them.

"New kid, what's your name again?"

"Winchester sir," he said and Sam looked nervous standing beside them, not sure whether to go in or to stand there and wait.

"I saw you out there today Winchester, you're the first person to ever stand up for the deaf kid here," those words made Dean's blood boil, he didn't even know the kids name? He just referred to him as 'deaf kid'!

"His name is Sam," he snapped glaring.

"Right, Sam. So I have a proposition for you, the baseball tryouts are in a few days, would you be willing to come along? We could really use a kid like you on the team," he said totally jumping past Sam who was starting to sweat next to him.

"I'll join if you let Sam try out," he said putted a hand on the boys shoulder.

"Well I really don't think he could play...I mean he can't hear a thing and he's the school target for bullies so..."

"What? You saw him today, he's an awesome runner, and he learns quickly, he'd be great on the team, so what if he's deaf, he can still see the ball you know," Dean hissed tightening his fist.

"Well...like I said we don't have aids or anything to help the deaf kid and he some kids might wanna pull his shorts down again and..."

"For the last time his name is not deaf kid! It's Sam! And if you know they bully him why the hell don't you do something about it?! You're meant to be the teacher! Sam's a good kid and he deserves your respect! So stop looking down on him cos he just happens to not be able to hear!"

"Winchester I don't like your tone!" the coach yelled trying to look threatening.

"Well I don't like yours! Come on Sam, let's get outa here," he said and he placed a hand on Sam's back and pushed the confused boy into walking.

They got back and Sam walked to his clothes looking and feeling very confused, what was that about? What why did Dean look so mad? Was he mad at him?

They both got dressed, Sam feeling confused, Dean feeling pissed off, and left the gym last.

Dean really wanted to take Sam home but when he turned his cell on he saw a message from his dad telling him to come home as soon as because they had a hunt to go to and it would take them all night to drive.

He watched as the young boy waved off and dragged his feet as he walked out of the gate looking like death again. Gym seemed to have woke him up but now he was back to the almost passing out stage. He decided to call his dad back, 2 minutes of dropping his friend off wouldn't make a difference to the hunt right?

"Dad, I'm just gunna drop Sam off and then I'll-"

"Dean I said come home straight away, we don't have time for your little friend, people are dying and that's more important than driving some poor kid home," he barked.

"But dad-"

"No buts Dean, home now! We're leaving this town in 5," his father snapped then ended the call before Dean could protest again.

He slammed his car door unnecessarily and hit the steering wheel so he wouldn't smash his cell in his palm. He watched Sam get pushed and prodded on his way out of the gates but he tried to reassure himself the kid would be okay, for now, he had warned all the super dicks already, those punks were just trying to get attention.

He shook his head and drove back to the motel to get his things for the hunt all the while planning not to talk to his father the whole night.

**xxxxxxxxxx**

**Let me know how I'm doing x :D any thing you would like to see Sam and Dean go through or do together (non wincest way)...anything, give me a bell x **

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	3. The Loving Kind

**OMG thank you thank you thank you!!! Squeez Group Hug!!!**

**and one more thing, not moaning here...well, kinda a lil I guess, if anyone reads and thinks the facts on how Sam isnt being helped are wrong, let me get one thing straight, somtimes life aint all sunny kisses and roses, sometimes you arent given the aids you need in life, sometimes this means you end up much like Sam, unhelped, alone and not in the right care, and I know I don't have all the facts right but if Sam was in a school for kids like him, he wouldn't meet Dean, an he wouldn't need protecting there for there would be no story...all will be explained as to why Sam can read and write even though he is deaf...x **

**much loved x Becka Looby x **

**The Loving Kind**

"Dean, take it easy kiddo," Dean heard his dad say from over him.

"Da...what-?" he groaned.

"Remember, we were hunting a banshee, you got hurt pretty bad, took 19 stitches to close you up," his father told him with a sigh.

"What day is it? Where are we?" he groaned trying to sit up then he felt a piercing pain through his chest..._'guess that's where the stitches were.'_

"Back at the motel, and its Thursday, you've been pretty out of it since Tuesday night."

"How...school?" he asked not knowing why.

"They think you're of sick, you'll be better by Monday I told em," John said patting his on the shoulder.

"But...what about Sam? Do you think he's okay?"

"Dean, I just told you that you have the rest of the week off and you want to go back?...Cristo," he smirked.

"Haha, you should see how hard I'm laughing on the inside. I meant do you think he's okay with the jerks there? My coach even called him 'deaf kid' after I said he had a name, the teachers there are dicks, they don't care about anyone, they all know Sam goes through hell and they don't even help him. No, I gotta go to school tomorrow to look after the kid," Dean protested.

"What is it with you and this kid?"

"Nothing, I just think he needs someone to look out for him that's all and I need...never mind," he mumbled as he pushed the covers off.

"You what Dean?" John asked concerned.

"Nothing, forget it, just help me to the bathroom will ya."

"Dean," he warned.

"What? I have to pee."

"Dean you need what?"

"Nothing, doesn't matter," he huffed looking down.

"Dean."

"Just forget I said anything."

"Dean tell me."

"No."

"Dean!"

"What?!"

"Son what do you need?!"

"A FRIEND okay!!" he yelled sounding so sad.

"...A friend? What? You got me don't ya?" his dad asked smirking uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah, you're a real friend, I can always count on you if I need to be handed an order! You're the best friend a kid could ever have!" Dean shouted sarcastically.

"What was that?!" John was getting tired of Dean's whining, he used to take orders so well till he turned 15 and the hormones kicked in.

"That's what I mean! You're not a friend! And you're barely a father! You're my freakin drill sergeant!!"

"Watch your tone!"

"Or what?! You gunna toss me in front of another banshee again?!"

"Dean I didn't mean to-"

"You always never mean it! But that doesn't make the pain in my chest any better does it?!"

"Dean I-"

"Just leave me alone," he mumbled pushing the covers off the other side of the bed and slowly pushing himself to the floor. He winced as his chest stung when he moved but he carried on going carefully to the bathroom where he slammed the door behind him.

**~S/D~**

It took Dean 2 hours to come out from the bathroom, and that only for food his dad brought back.

"Dean look I'm-"

"Don't, just let me eat," the boy pleaded as he took a small bite out of his burger.

"I'm sorry," he heard a gruff voice say.

That was the first ever time he's ever! EVER! heard his dad say sorry, EVER!!

"Cristo," he smirked with a full mouth.

"Haha," John smirked back playfully punching Dean's leg.

"Ow! What was that for?" he whined rubbing his sore thigh.

"Being a smart ass."

"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment," he grinned.

"Smart ass," he mumbled again as he ate.

"Thanks," Dean laughed and John knew he'd lost already so he gave up and just watched the bad TV as he and his son ate dinner like a normal family, he made an informed decision that hunting talk was banned for that evening and he would see how well Dean was in the morning then decided if he could go to school or not.

**~S/D~**

"I'm so sorry Dean," he said into the darkness as he ran a hand through Dean's hair when he dropped off. He knew he had turned into a bitter old drill sergeant but he couldn't help it, after his wife died, all he had was his son, he had to make sure he would be able to protect himself against evil like the kind that killed Mary, he owed it to her to keep Dean as safe as possible. He just didn't realize how much of a jerk he had become in the process, and for the he was sorry.

He would make it up to Dean, he would make more of an effort towards his sons good school grades, he listen more, he would be more of a father, he had to, for the sake of his son!

**~S/D~**

The next morning Dean woke up at gone 12 to find a note on his spare pillow.

**"Gone for food, don't even think about going to school, I have your keys,**

**Dad." **

'_School on Monday after all then,'_ he laughed shaking his head as he turned on his side with a hand on his sore chest. He closed his eyes again to go back to sleep not feeling awake enough yet. But just when the blissful dreams started again he was forced to lift his head when he heard a thump on the door of the motel room. He frowned confused, maids didn't come round at this time right? Then he heard the squeal of tires that sounded like some cheap student car.

He sat up and dragged himself out of bed and held his chest the whole time he walked over to the door. He looked in the hole and saw no one. Shaking his head he opened the door he froze at what he saw. There on the ground was a bloody and blindfolded boy curled protectively into himself as he whimpered on the cold floor. Around his neck was a sign that read, **"We know you're only in town for a bit. Sammy boy is ours and always will be our whipping boy!"**

"Holy crap..." he gasped bending down in front of Sam in his panic. He didn't know if he was awake even, he just looked so scared and hurt. Who the hell would do this?!!

Grunting loud when he forgot about his own wounds and he was forced to stand again to catch his breath.

When he did he slowly bent down again and pulled the blindfold down off of Sam's face.

When the boys eyes twitched frantically looking and trying to block more pain it was clear he was wide awake and wouldn't be passing out anytime soon.

He moved to pick the boy up and pull him inside but when he placed his hands on Sam's shoulders and pulled him up the boy cried out in pain and fell back to the ground again before Dean could catch him.

Not half a second later he heard his Dad's truck pull up outside the room with a shocked look on his face as he stared at the two boys huddled on the floor outside.

"Dean?! Dean what the hall happened?!" he yelled slamming his car door shut and running to them.

"I-I dunno, I just heard a knocking and when I opened the door I found this!!" Dean yelled scared and worried pointing to Sam and lifting the cardboard tag from round his neck.

"Dean get inside, I don't want you getting an infection, I'll get the kid," he said moving to pick the boy up.

He flinched and jumped away using all the strength he could but John caught him fast and put his arms under the boys legs and behind his back. He lifted and carried him to the nearest bed where he carefully placed Sam down without speaking a word, he remember the kid was deaf so random words of comfort he would always use on Dean would be hopeless here.

"D-dad is he gunna be okay?"

"He'll be fine son, just get me the first aid kit, and talk to the kid however you do," John said as he gently ran his hands over Sam's ribs checking for any broken one's or bruises organs.

"Naahh!!" the boy yelled when John reached the middle of his ribs.

"Sorry kiddo," he said unable to stop himself, it came naturally whenever he would be patching Dean up.

"Dad what do ya need?" Dean asked running in with the rather extended medical kit they always carried on their travels.

"First you need to calm the kid down," he said trying to hold a shaking boy to the bed as he hyperventilated.

"Okay...What do I say?" he asked his father trying to write something on the paper he had in his hand.

"I dunno, just...tell him he's safe or something."

"What?! That's the best you got?!"

"Dean...just...okay, do what I always used to do when you got scared as a kid," he suggested but Dean didn't follow.

"What did you do?"

"I...used to run my hand through your hair if you woke up with a nightmare about your m-mother...till you fell back to sleep," he said clearing his throat after with the uncomfortable chick flick.

"Uh Dad," Dean said putting the paper down.

"What?"

Dean pointed to Sam and nodded at his where his father's hand was.

"Oh," Johns hand had found its way into Sam's long unruly dark hair brushing in a constant rhythm backwards relaxing Sam enough to be still even though he wasn't asleep.

Dean seemed to have found the words then when he saw how his dad was with Sam.

**"It's gunna be okay Sammy, we'll take care of you,"** he wrote and showed Sam who nodded with painful tears in his eyes.

The boy mewed in shock when the comforting hand pulled away from his hair and went to work on cleaning him up.

"You're a mess kid," John mumbled to no one in particular but he said it with a light smile that settled Sam a little more. "Dean could you run and get me some ice," John saw the state of Sam's lip and he knew there would be bruising on his ribs.

"Yeah sure," Dean rushed then ran off out of the room grunting when he pulled a few stitches.

Sam looked longing at the door Dean just ran from and his breathing picked up.

John saw the signs of panic rise in the kid again so he picked up the paper and wrote.

**"He's gone to get some ice for you, just relax kid, you're safe here."**

Sam nodded and bit his lip at tears fell. Not knowing what else to do, John placed his hand in Sam's hair again and brushed the long uncut bangs from his eyes while he wrote with the other.

**"Where does it hurt? Specifically?"**

Sam took the pen he was handed shakily and just stared at it till John nudged him into writing messily when he couldn't see the paper, he just trusted his hand.

**"Foot, middle of my stomach, face,"** he wrote and John nodded taking the paper away and putting it on the other bed moving it out of the way while he went to check Sam's foot. He propped Sam's head up with Dean's pillows that he didn't need at that moment in time so Sam could see when he pointed to his foot silently asking if he could take and look. When Sam nodded he rolled up his pant leg carefully and slipped the old tatty shoe off as well as his sock with a huge hole in and the movements on his sore ankle made Sam wince.

John inspected the foot and came to the conclusion that the kid had bad sprain but nothing serious so he grabbed their first aid kit and took out a pressure bandage and pulled it over Sam's ankle as he whimpered in pain.

The elder man sighed in sympathy but carried on his work and tried to not let his emotions for the vunerable kid get in the way.

Just when he thought he needed a wash cloth for the blood Dean walked in with a bucket of ice.

"Dean stay with him a sec," John ordered as he went to the bathroom to get a damp cloth and bowl of water.

"Dad you don't have to tell me, I'm staying right here," he said kneeling down at the other side of the bed as his Dad came back.

"Clean him up, I'll get some of this wrapped in a towel," he said picking the bucket up and walking to the kitchen like space.

"Hey Dad...what are we gunna do with him? After we patch him up?"

"Dean, he has his own family, he has to go back to them and we have to move on a few weeks, the only reason why we're staying round here is so you can get some school work done, just drop it okay, I'm not having this argument with you again, we're moving on and that's final."

"But Dad, that's what those punks want me to do, what if we go away and move on and next time they kill Sam? What then?"

"Dean, they're kids, just bullies, they wouldn't kill him," John protested as he wrapped the ice up and made sure it was secure.

"Dad what if we weren't here today? What if we were still on a job and Sam was left here all night? He would have frozen to death! It could happen again! They might not mean to but they're gunna kill him Dad! I think maybe he...he might even kill himself if I'm not there to protect him," he mumbled low, full of sadness.

"Dean, you've known this kid for 2 days, how the hell do you know he has thoughts about killing himself?" John asked sceptically as he gently pressed the ice over Sam's bad ankle.

"When we were in the gym, I saw something in his eyes when he got pushed down, I saw the look of...I dunno what it was but he just looked so miserable, depressed even."

"Tell you what Dean, when we've taken him home, if he doesn't look safe there then we'll stick around for a few week till we make sure they'll look after him better, deal?"

"..."

"Dean? Deal?" he pushed.

"...Deal..." he sighed, his father had clearly taken to Sam, clearly saw what he had in the kid, he clearly wanted to help him and to protect him, but he still couldn't see anything beyond the hunt.

"Good, now let's clean him up and then we can take him home and check the place out," he said moving the check Sam's ribs.

"Yeah, check the place out," Dean mumbled so low John didn't hear the sarcasm.

**~S/D~**

"Sam! That better be you! I had a call saying you skipped school you little brat!" John heard a woman yelled when him and Dean helped the boy in the house.

'_What kind of parent yells at their son like that if they know he can't hear?!'_

"Excuse me ma'am," he said making the woman yelp as she turned around in shock with the two strange guys in her house holding a beaten up Sam between them.

"Who are you?! I'm calling the cops!" she shrieked.

"No ma'am wait please, we found Sam in the street beaten up and we helped him and brought him home when he told us where he lived, please we were only trying to help," Dean said trying to get her to put the knife down.

"How do I know you didn't beat him up?"

"Would we really beat him up, patch him up, then bring him home?" John asked glaring at the woman, who was clearly a bad mother looking at the state of the house.

"Sam go to your room!" she yelled pointing up the stairs and Sam knew what that meant. He pulled out of the Winchesters hold and tried to limp to the stairs with great difficulty.

"Why are yelling at him if he can't even hear you? I would have thought his parents would know sign language," John said crossing his arms and challenging the woman.

"Sam doesn't know sign language, so it's not like I would, and for the record, I have my own children and he isn't one of them, he's a kid we took home out of the goodness of our hearts_," 'yeah I bet,_' "and he throws it back in our face, he's been trouble since he came home with us," '_I highly doubt that you skank!'_

"I'm gunna go help him," Dean mumbled when he saw Sam struggling to get up the stairs, John nodded and turned back to the woman glaring.

Dean put Sam's arm over his shoulders and he pulled him with him up the stairs almost carrying the kid as they made their way to the top.

Sam smiled a thanks but flinched when he saw Kyle at the top of the landing.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked Dean.

"I'm Sam's friend, and you are?" he snapped.

"No relation to that freak thankfully, good luck with the deaf retard," he chuckled pushing Dean's shoulder hard so Sam fell from his grip and to the floor.

"You touch me or Sam again I swear you'll regret it," Dean hissed as he pushed the dick back to the door frame hitting his spine hard then letting him fall to the floor.

He walked back to where Sam had dropped and helped him up again carefully and helped him to the room Sam nodded to as his.

"God, this place is a hole, and I've stayed in some rat caves," Dean mumbled as he sat Sam down on his bed that had no sheets on.

Sam's eyes floated over to the pile of fresher smelling bed sheets he had washed and planned on putting on his bed today but he wondered how he could do that now he couldn't even move without hurting.

Dean saw where Sam's eyes went so he picked the washing up and went to go make the bed for the kid. It was a little difficult seeing as Sam was sat on the bed because there was no chair for him to sit on but he managed it. He handed Sam an envelope that had a note inside he wrote back at the motel and a bottle of pills his Dad didn't see him take. He ruffled his messy hair then waved off when he heard his Dad calling it was time to go.

Sam opened it excitedly when Dean walked out and he started to read.

**"Sam, **

**Number 1- stay off that foot! **

**Number 2- ice your ribs and face. Take 2 pills 3 times a day.**

**Number 3- kicking someone in the nuts is always a good option if you need to, AKA. anyone that messes with you!**

**Number 4- text me if you can - ****866-907-3836. If it's an emergancy, let it ring twice then hang up, and I'll be there kid! I promise! **

**P.S. Thanks again for the drawing.**

**Dean." **

Sam held the note close to his aching chest and went to lie down on his newly made bed. He tried to keep the tears in but eventually they spilled out. He was so grateful for Dean's help, he had done too much already, it's just he couldn't help but feel angry at his foster parents for not caring like the guy who has known him less than a week does. _'Why does everyone hate me just cos I can't hear them?' _he asked himself as he sobbed into his clean pillow.

**~S/D~**

"Dad what are we gunna do? He can't live in that hole for the rest of his life! I'd kill myself in there! Waht are we gunna do?!" Dean whined as they made their way back to the Impala.

"I don't know Dean, just...I don't know," John sighed, he knew his son was right, they couldn't let a kid like Sam stay there till he was old enough to move out, no way in hell with that bitch anyway.

"Dad maybe we could...take him in or something, teach him about us and-"

"What's the number one rule Dean?" his father asked with a tense face.

"We do what we do and we shut up about it," he mumbled as his father drove.

"...Dean, I'll have a think about it okay, no promises, and if there's some other way we can get him outa there, we're doing it, got it?"

"Got it," he mumbled knowing there was no use in arguing with his dad, he had already made his mind up even though he said he'd think about it.

"How's your stitches anyway?"

"Fine," Dean sighed.

"Take 2 of these, don't think I didn't catch you snaking the ones I gave you for Sam," John smirked tossing a bottle of pills that were the same as the ones he was given earlier but he put them in the envelope for Sam thinking he needed them more.

"Thanks," he said popping two and dry swallowing them with a cringe. "I tell ya, those assholes better stay away from Sam from now on, stitches or no stitches, I'll still kick their ass!"

"I know kiddo, just take it easy for now, I know you're gunna need to kick some ass tomorrow so just chill okay."

"Yeah, you think I should stop by and see how he's doing tomorrow?"

"Dean, you and I both know you're gunna be back there at dawn, and you ain't even a morning person," John laughed causing Dean to pull a bitch face and scoff as he turn his head.

He sat there resisting the urge to grin for a long time thinking this was the first time in a long time they have actually had a few hours without arguing and yelling about the hunt in some shape or form, it was kinda nice to have his Dad back...he just hoped they could figure a way to help Sam that meant he didn't have to share the burden of their family horror too. The kid had enough crap on his plate without adding that huge bombshell to it, that would just about turn the kid all the way into suicidal that's for sure.

'_Man hope he's okay, just for one night, the kid deserves it for Christ sake! He's never done anything to anyone and he was put through hell more times in a day that anyone should be, especially a good kid like him!'_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Reviews? You know I love them! PS. i know writing to each other isnt the best thing but wht else can i do till later on? not like sam is gunna be talking anytime soon, so bare with me the people that might think its lame. **

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	4. Capeesh!

******Warning!! Suicidal thoughts and actions!!! Don't like don't read!!!!!!!!******

* * *

**Capeesh!?!**

Sam woke with throbbing all over his body, he wondered if Kyle and Tony got too carried away last night or something but then he remembered the afternoon before, like a switch in his brain all the pain and shame came flooding back.

**Friday Lunch...**

He walked to the other side of the road after waiting outside at the gates to see if Dean was coming out. He figured when Dean didn't show up again first thing he must be off school, or sick, or him and his dad had already taken off...god he prayed it wasn't the last one. He knew he wasn't at school but he thought it couldn't hurt to wait once more at the end of the day, he had nowhere else better to be anyway.

He waited and waited and resisted the urge to cry when he maybe thought Dean had left him and didn't want to be his friend anymore, _'okay now you're talking trash about Dean, no wonder no one wants to be my friend if this is how I think of them'._

He turned his back on the school and walked off wiping the single tear that had fallen. His eye was a little sore seeing as he was sporting a new black eye from yesterdays lunch time when Dean wasn't there to help him or even give him the strength to stand up for himself like he had figured he had the other day in gym, when he ran past Dean those few times he felt a rush of happiness he had never felt before, he felt like with that extra buzz and pride in him he could have tried to punch one of those assholes if they tried it in the gym hall again, but when the teacher called Dean over he felt the shame build again and the misery come back.

Over the few days of missing Dean and hiding from the jerks the depression was back in full swing. The thoughts of taking those pills or picking up that razor again were running a mile a minute, he was hanging on for Dean and that rush of calm happiness again he felt when Dean was there but...Dean never came, so the feelings never did either. This was the third day of running on nothing but misery so he decided tonight he would try and make it go away, how he wasn't sure, visit Dean at the motel, which he had no way of doing, or taking a few pills and cutting himself a few times, it was a tossup and he would love a coin to flip and choose for him but he didn't even have that.

He knew what he had to do then, he knew what tonight would be. He walked down the dark alley turning to where his house was but he was stopped suddenly when he felt a rough bag over his head, it made it difficult to breathe and although he wanted to die, he didn't want to die like this, this hurts and the fear was unbearable, he wanted it to be peaceful and a release, not like this, not trying a pathetic attempt of fighting the person behind him off.

He struggled and pulled at the rough sack as it burned his neck when he twisted and thrashed. He was pushed into a cold hard wall shoulder first and struggling just made the pain worse as hard boots where rammed into his ribs and bony knuckles fisted his jaw. He gave up losing oxygen and strength after about 2 minutes and jut let the blows come. He cried but tried to keep the noises in he knew he was making with the vibrations in his throat. Not long after, the pain was unbearable but thankfully the attacks on his fragile body stopped. He was being pulled somewhere but he didn't care, he just let them push him into what felt like the back of a truck.

They drove and kept beating him for the short journey, something was pushed over his head and round his neck then he was pushed out onto the cold wet ground with a thumb twisting his ankle painfully as fell.

He sat on the ground shivering in pain. He felt more hands on him so he pulled back not wanting anymore. But those same hands un did the sack on his head and when he looked up he saw someone he knew but couldn't place with all the blurriness and pain. More hands where on his then so he jumped closer to the nice person. He then felt the new persons hands to be comforting as they picked him up and walked with his gently. After a few tears and blinking away the pain he saw someone familiar, he saw Dean looking worried and slightly angry down at him.

**Now...**

He owned them everything for saving him, he didn't know how Dean ended up there when he needed him the most but he didn't care, he knew he could count on Dean for now, he would hold on till they had to move away like Dean told him they would do soon.

It was a Saturday so that meant he had to try and clean up the house, he always got a slap or two if he left the place a mess, not that it was any of his mess but his foster parents didn't see it that way, so he had learned to just get on with it.

The brothers would be out getting stoned at some party all weekend and Frank and Alice would be out somewhere too, he never knew where they went, but they always came back late so he had the house to himself, this was always his favourite time of the week, this was the 2 days out of 7 that he didn't get spit at or beaten.

He took some of the pills Dean told him smiling at how Dean would get mad in a nice way if he didn't take them. He limped downstairs in pain and made his way to the stinky kitchen. He got to the freezer and looked for some old frozen food he could use for his ribs. He found a bag of old vegetables in the back and taped the bag to his throbbing blue abdomen keeping them in place while he could clean with both hands.

It was amazing how shit Frank and Alice where at taking care of their own kids but there would always be some kind of food in the kitchen he could eat, whether it be a pan of frozen peas or the left over's from when the next door neighbour would cook them a stew, he never got much but he would always sneak the last few portions they forgot about then he would clean the cooking dish for Mrs. Moore and take it back over to her, she would smile and give him a kiss on the cheek then hand him another pot filled with freshly cooked lasagne or stew. She was the only single person in his life, apart from Dean that was ever nice to him, to her it was just a polite smile and greeting to a young boy next door, but to him it was 10 seconds of pure happiness and love.

He limped back to the living room and got to work.

He put all the pots in the kitchen to clean later and moved all the trash and waved off some stray flies hovering over something gross in the corner.

He wiped every surface down ignoring the pain in his body when he bent over. He hovered the now visible carpet. He stood back and smiled at his handy work, he moaned and pulled a face thinking in just a day this place would be back to the shit hole he was used to. He shook it off and turned to the kitchen where most of the damage always was, this was never the fun part.

He opened the back door for bugs to escape then he filled the sink with warm water.

He picked up the first thing on the side which happened to be a very sharp knife.

He put t to the water then felt a breeze on the back of his neck and a tap on his shoulder.

'_oh god...I'm being attacked at home now...oh god...'_

He bit his lip hard and turned round fast with the knife in his hand. He pulled it up ready to strike at the intruder.

He saw him moving his lips and holding his wrist twisting the knife from his hand forcing him to drop it.

'_Oh damn it!'_

**~S/D~**

"Dad I think I'll go check on Sam," Dean hollered tying his boots up.

"You take your pills?" the eldest one asked from the bathroom.

"Yes!"

"Be back by dinner then! We need to get looking for a way to help Sam, make sure you ask him about his past! Might help to know where he came from!"

"Yes sir!" he yelled walking out the door with a huge smile on his face, thank od his dad was on board with the whole helping Sam out of that shit hole idea.

He drove to his friends house hoping that bitch was out and praying Sam was okay for now.

He jumped out of his car and ran for the front door.

He knocked then looked over at the drive...no cars, no one.

_'Huh..okay then.'_

He pushed the letter hole open to get a look in the house. He saw Sam on his own cleaning and rushing round on his bad foot limping like no bodies business, _'I'm gunna kick his ass for not taking it easy!' _he smirked.

He would have picked the lock but the door was open, he would have to teach Sam about the safety of locking your door too.

He knew calling Sam's name was useless so he just walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Whoa! Sam!" he yelped when a knife was plunger in his face far too close to his eye for his liking.

He grabbed hold of Sam's wrist fast like he was trained and twisted the knife so he would have to drop it. The boy did and tried to back away wriggling in fear.

Dean held his shoulders and forced him to look at him.

Sam blinked then sagged in relief when he saw it was only Dean.

The older one looked at his friend with his hands on his hips. Sam didn't know that look, it confused him, he had never been looked at like that before. Dean huffed dramatically but didn't stop with the look, it got stronger until Sam's eyes started to get wet, scared of what the look meant.

The Winchester shook his head I sympathy and dragged Sam to the now clean couch. He picked up a magazine and found a relatively empty page and started writing.

"**Why are you cleaning? You're supposed to take it easy when you crack your ribs you plant pot!" **

Sam read and giggled at the insult, it seemed strange but he liked it, like Dean was the only one that could call him names without it hurting.

He took the page Dean ripped out and wrote, **"I have to clean the house for when my family get home tomorrow, I always clean up, don't worry about it."**

He stood with a wince as Dean read but was immediately pushed back down.

"**I'll clean up, you have something else to do."**

"**What?"**

"**You need to tell me about your past, what you remember and how you ended up here. You do that, and I can clean."**

"**But I don't get it, why do you want to know about my past?"**

"**Cos if we know what happened to you, we might be able to help you get out of here."**

"**What?"** Sam's eyes were wide with shock and he didn't look to be taking in oxygen.

"**Just do as you're told, you can only get up to go to the bathroom understood?"**

Sam knew Dean was being bossy and kind of weird, like he was the big brother boss of him, he wasn't sure why but he didn't take offence when he was telling him what to do.

"**I have to get the huge blue pot to Mrs. Moore next door, I was going to eat the left over's first, after I cleaned the kitchen."**

"**No! I'll do that, you can eat while I clean up, capeesh?" **

"**Everything apart from capeesh."**

Dean laughed out loud when he read the joke, Sam just made a joke, he actually made a joke and didn't look afraid to make it.

"**Just get writing smart ass,"** he wrote back laughing still as Sam tried to keep his smile in.

He shook his head and walked off leaving Sam with a fresh pad of paper he found and went to clean up the shit hole. It wasn't long till lunch so he went in search of the food Sam was on about. It didn't take much finding, he opened the fridge and there it was.

He pulled it out and frowned at the smell, how long had that been there?

'_No way is Sam eating that! We'll go to the diner later...Gross man!'_

Emptied the food out in the black bag at the corner of the room then went to work on cleaning it..._'this is gunna be fun'._

**~S/D~**

Dean walked round to the house next door and wondered what to do, he knocked and was going to walk off and leave the dish on the floor but the door opened so fast it was almost like the old woman was waiting for the knock.

"Hey uuh...I brought this back, Sam is sick today so..." he lied holding it out not sure what to expect from the woman.

"Oh dear, is he okay? Should I call his parents home? I know they always go to Alice's sisters on the weekends but I could call them," she said sounding genuinely upset.

"No it's okay, I got him, he says thanks for the food," he had no idea what it was, it had been in there that long but he thought he should be polite none the less.

"Tell him he's most welcome as always, I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Dean, my names Dean."

"Dean, are you a cousin or something to Sam? It's usually just him and his 2 foster brothers, they don't come round much so the poor boy it usually home alone when his parents are at work."

"No I'm uuh, I'm his friend, just passing through town and saw him getting picked on at school so I thought I'd help out, just thought he might like some company, plus someones gotta clean that shit hole," he muttered last, maybe she knows and maybe she can help report them so Sam can get out.

"I'm sorry?" she asked slightly offended.

"Yeah, the house, its a total mess, and from what I can gather, Sam is the one who cleans up, and has to eat left over's from your food weeks after it was meant to be thrown out."

"Oh my...are you playing some mean joke young man? I don't take kindly to liars, especially after all that family have done for Sam, taking him in and all."

"I'm not joking, Sam is a mess thanks to them, they haven't done anything for him, they treat him like a slave...listen I better get going, Sam needs me," he said running off crossing his toes the woman would feel compelled to go check herself whether he was lying or not.

He jogged back to Sam's house just in time for his to spot Sam falling to the floor with huge elephant tears on his cheeks.

"Sam!" he yelled worried running over to the kid unable to catch him in time.

He noticed the note book was at the other side of the room and it looked to have been thrown out of anger over to its current spot.

"Sammy what happened?" he rushed checking Sam's ribs over.

The boy tried to push the hands off as he pulled his knees slowly up under his chin burying his face in his hands.

"What on earth is going on here?!" the old lady yelled shocked when she saw both boys on the floor.

She gasped loud when she saw the state of the kitchen and how strong the smell of negligence was in the small house.

Dean ignored the frantic old woman and went to help Sam up, he was refusing all of Dean's tugs and offers to get up from the ground, he just wanted to sit there and cry for a long long time, just like he used to, he just wanted to cry and cut himself till he went numb, like he used to.

Dean gave up on helping Sam to the couch and just went to pick up the note pad, what had made Sam so upset in such a small amount of time.

He read the huge amount of writing and gasped.

"Oh my god Sammy..." he breathed leaning back on the sofa next to Sam.

"Young man? What on earth is going on here?" Mrs. Moore asked kneeling down in front of the boys.

"I-I...I need to help Sammy but...I...oh god Sammy..." he stuttered.

"Dean, I think I should call the police, and an ambulance for Sam, now I can tell you're a good boy so I know this wasn't your doing...but I need to alert the authorities."

"No, no please...he's okay...me and my dad we took care of him...we can take care of him, I just need to...I can't help Sam and clean and....could you stay with him while I..."

"Dean, I'm an old house wife, I think I could clean this place up 10 times faster than both you boys together, you sit here and help Sam, I'm going to clean up then I want both you boys to explain to me what on earth this is all about, and I want you to call your parents, I think I best speak with them."

"Its just me and my dad...my mom died when I was a kid..."

"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart, I'll clean up here, just do what you can for Sam, I'll be back in a second."

"Yes ma'am."

She nodded kindly then stood on her shaky old knees and went round to her house, she got her extra strength cleaner, a bucket, cloths and several pairs of rubber gloves.

'_This is going to take me all day, that poor boy...I am defiantly reporting his family to social services, how can you treat a child as sweet as Sam like that? A slave as Dean put it.'_

**~S/D~**

Dean sat with Sam trying to get him to open up and stop the rocking but he wouldn't. He refused to even look at him. He just sat there digging his nails up and down his arms making scratches on himself till Dean made him stop. He called his dad not knowing what else to do and Mrs. Moore went about her cleaning, she even found some discussing sticky things under the tables. She cleaned the kitchen not stopping when Sam moved to pick up a cloth. Dean made him out it down and both boys went back to the living room like they were told.

Dean waited tapping his foot for his dad to come, he didn't know how to handle all this, bullies and helping patch Sam up were one thing, his whole messed up life was another, it was much more messed up than he could ever imagine, EVER!!

"Dean, son, open the door!" John yelled knocking loud.

Dean jumped up and took the locks off then went back to the couch as his dad walked in the door.

"Mr. Winchester?" the lady called puling her gloves off.

"John," he corrected shaking the woman's hand.

"In that case call me Helen," she smiled sad.

"Dean what's going on? You called me and said...well not much actually..."

"D-Dad...Sammy....Sam was...."

He looked at Helen and John knew that look, he couldn't talk about it in front of her.

"Why don't we go upstairs, give Helen some space to clean," he suggested.

"I'll have a chicken stew ready in half an hour boys, I only know how to cook for an army, old habit from when my grand children came round."

"Really we don't wanna...I mean its really nice of you to offer but..." John didn't know what to say, this old lady was cleaning the entire house and doing it willingly, now she was cooking for them?

"It's no trouble, it'll be nice to have some company for a change," she smiled and John nodded...wow this lady was too nice! _'Must be really lonely if she wanted to eat with me and Dean...'_ he smiled to himself then went upstairs after the boys.

Dean had to practically drag Sam to his room and place him on the bed where he didn't want to go. He slipped from the mattress and went to the corner of his room curled in a ball, like he used to.

"Dean what's going on?" John asked once more.

Dean pushed the pad of paper in his hands and looking down not knowing how to deal, he would just wait till his dad knew what to do.

John looked wide eyed at all the writing but read anyway at what Sam had wrote.

"**When I was 6 I woke up in hospital, I didn't know where I was or who I was. Doctors all round me had to strap me to the bed to keep me from trying to hit them, I was so scared I didn't know what else to do so I just used to try and hit people. They explained to me my name was Sam, I was deaf, and I had been in a car accident. They never told me what happened to my parents, I would ask about them, writing just like now but they never gave me a straight answer. I figured out they were dead when one day my casts and needles were out and I was sent to a foster home. Kids there were nice, people there were nice, but I was still so scared, I had no idea who I was or who to trust so I used to beat kids up, a lot like what they do now. But mine was more out of fear than anger.**

**I had to take pills everyday to sedate me to keep me from hitting kids and people. They forced the pills in me and held my nose so I had to swallow so I could breathe. No has tried to teach me the sign language thing I read about one day, I had one lesson but I bit the teacher guy and I hadn't had one since, I was suposed to but Frank and Alice spend the money on, well I don't know.**

**After a few month I was fostered by this really nice family, Frank and Alice, and there 2 kids. They were smiling at me and I didn't feel afraid of them, I know it's stupid but I just felt happy when I saw them. It was nice to go out with them to the park. After a few week they fostered me full time, that's when I saw they weren't nice anymore. I started hitting them but the difference with them, they hit back, hard!**

**I got to about 9 and started having these dreams of someone crashing a car. It was just flashes at first, then I saw clear faces, and I knew it was my mom and dad, I don't know why, but I just knew. Some truck guy crashed into us, not even caring, he just drove right into us. I heard my mom screaming to my dad to 'watch out!' but it was too late. I can still feel the wind knock from my body as we got rammed into. I remember blood, so much blood, too much blood. I try to call for my mommy and daddy telling them how much it hurts, but they don't hear me. And for some reason, I can't hear me. Then I see the man, the truck man, he walks to where I am in the backseat and at first I thought he was helping me, then I saw his eyes, his black eyes, they were black, nothing else in them, just black. He laughs at me, then walks off.**

**I could have sworn I saw Frank's eyes go black once. I got so scared then, I couldn't hit back anymore, I thought someone was punishing me for being evil so I stopped hitting people. It didn't make a difference though. Their own kids would hold my head in the toilet and flush it, they would do everything to make my life hell, and I didn't know why, so I knew it was all my fault. I did everything I could to try and be good, I cooked and I cleaned, the years went by and they just started leaving me alone, no caring, so got miserable, I went to school and got beaten, I couldn't even bring myself to try and run away from the bullies. I just took it knowing it was my problem. **

**It's all my fault, that bad man killed my parents cos of me, its all my fault...its all my fault...I killed my parents."**

There were long drip marks on the page the further down he read.

'_Ooh god...some demon killed his family and he thinks someone is punishing him for being evil...ooh this explains so much! Why he can write, why he can learn in a mainstream school that with what Dean has told him, doesn't give him aids or anything. Why he doesn't try to help himself when he is pushed into dirt...it's all because of this demon son of a bitch!'_

"Dean, we got work to do," he ordered knowing they had to find this demon and send its EVIL TWISTED ASS BACK TO HELL!!

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Hope that explains some things... :D and wasn't too lame.**


	5. Out of Sight, Not Out of Mind

_Previously..._

"Dean, we got work to do," he ordered knowing they had to find this demon and send its EVIL TWISTED ASS BACK TO HELL!!

**Out of Sight, Not Out of Mind**

A whole hour later they had managed to get a very uncooperative Sam back to their motel where he would be 'most protected' under John and Dean's watch. They had salted all the doors and windows thoroughly and closed all the blinds leaving them in almost total darkness.

Sam was still curled up refusing to let anyone touch him, he had to be almost dragged by both Winchesters out of the house. Helen was shocked at first but when John showed her his 'police' badge stating it was for Sam's safety she didn't question him, in fact she even pulled herself up the stairs and packed some of Sam's clothing, she cursed and mumbled how old the clothes he was made to wear were but that only spurred her need to help John in getting Sam in Dean's car. Some neighbours came from their houses but when Helen told them all it was police business they nodded and went back inside.

It was a good job Sam couldn't really make an sounds because Dean was sure he would have screamed the place down when they carried him to the car, luckily though he made some mews and struggled but when he realised Dean and John were much stronger than him, he gave up and let them lead him.

As soon as they pulled him from the car and to the room he wriggled out of their hands and crawled into the far corner. Both older men wondered why Sam felt the need to hide now but didn't question him, they merely let him rock himself till he grew tired.

"Dad what are we gunna do now?"

"First, we need to wait till they come home and we need to exorcise it, or them, then we need to get Sam away from them and into care again."

"But what about-"

"No Dean, we've already had this discussion, once the demon is back rotting in hell, the job is finished and we move on."

"Dad what about Sam? You think he's gunna be able to be normal after what he's seen? What if he tells someone else about the black eyes and they think he's nuts? What then? We just let him get locked in a nuts house?" Dean growled.

"Dean, we're just gunna have to explain to him that he can't tell anyone."

"You think he deserves to be lied to by us after all the crap he's been through? Dad why can't we just take him? Foster him ourselves or something? He already technically knows about what's out there so its not like we're gunna be dropping a new bomb on him now, please dad?"

"Dean no, what about the hunt? You think we can hunt with a deaf kid around?" John spat pulling a face that made Dean's blood boil.

"How the hell can you be so cold? You're just as bad as those bullies if that's how you think of him!"

"Dean, I didn't mean it-"

"Here we go again! You didn't mean it like that! But you keep using that excuse and it's not even worth anything anymore!"

"Dean! Drop the attitude!"

"I'll lower mine when you show Sam some damn respect! He's just a good kid that happens to be deaf! He's not some freak you get to look down on just cos he can't hear you! If that was me, if I was deaf somehow, would you not hunt at all or give me up? Or would you have found a way around it and would we still be hunting that son of a bitch?" Dean's voice had grown quiet and venerable as he looked up to his father.

"I'm...I don't know Dean...I just...I can't think of a way that we could have a deaf kid around while we're hunting a spirit or something, you tell me, would he be able to hear it coming for you and would he be able to hear us yelling to duck or something? The answer you're looking for is NO Dean, no he wouldn't be able to hear us, he would be a danger to you on this hunt and I won't have that!"

"Screw you! How dare you use me as a way of making me feel bad for wanting Sam around! Mom would be so ashamed of you right now for using me as a scapegoat."

_Smack! _

Sam's head lifted when he felt the blow to Dean's cheek.

"Dean I-"

Dean didn't say anything, he just shook his head pitifully at his father, turned, got Sam who looked at him with panicked eyes , pulled the shaking boy to his feet, grabbed both their bags and left.

**~S/D~**

Dean managed to get both of them to the front office and asked for a room that was as far away from his dads as possible.

"28C is the best I can do," the old guy said handing Dean the key.

"Thanks," he mumbled handing the money over and leaving with Sam attached to his side.

He knew his dad wouldn't hurt him or Sam for real but he couldn't stay in that room for another second with him, and he certainly couldn't leave Sam in that room after what he had just seen his dad do.

"It's gunna be okay Sammy," he cooed even though he knew it was pointless, but somehow Sam seemed to have understood.

They got to their new room and Dean sat Sam down on the bed furthest from the door. The boy didn't look like he was going to hide in a corner any time soon so Dean took that as progress.

"Okay, first things first, we gotta put some salt down."

Sam looked up frowning at Dean as he continued to mumble to himself, his little fingers traced the now red cheek of his friend and tears stung his eyes.

"I'm fine Sammy," Dean smiled pulling the hand away and patting Sam on the shoulder.

The boy shook his head making the tears fall; he hesitated for a second then launched himself round Dean's neck needing safety and comfort.

"It's okay Sammy, I gotcha, it's all gunna be okay," Dean swore running a hand through Sam's long wavy locks.

Dean tried to pull back but Sam wouldn't budge, he wouldn't let go, he needed to feel safe and this was the only place on earth he had ever felt safe. Dean pulled Sam in again and gave him a strong squeeze then gently pulling back again all the way. He patted the boy on the head ruffling his hair then walked back into his own space_. _

He nodded willing some strength into Sam, hoping he would make it through this.

Sam nodded back and let Dean go about the business of laying salt and gathering his thoughts and plans as to what was the next move.

"Bobby...I should call Bobby, he'll know what to do," he muttered pulling his cell from his pocket and dialling.

"_Singe__r__ here,"_ a gruff voice said.

"Bobby, it's me, Dean."

"_Dean, how you been boy?"_

"Fine, listen, I need your help...with an exorcism."

"_What? Where's your daddy? He okay?"_

"Oh he's just great," he spat sarcastically.

"_What happened?"_ Bobby asked like he was their family councillor.

"It's a long story."

"_I got time,"_ the older man offered kindly.

"Well, long story short, I met this kid, Sam, he's deaf and his life is hell, when I found out more about him the longer I was hanging with him, turns out...his parents were murdered by a demon, and now he's being fostered by at least one of those son's a bitches."

"_Whoa hold on, so you're telling me, some demon killed this kids parents, then came back to foster him?"_

"Well...yeah, the thing is...I don't know how or why, why Sam? Why did he get stuck with all that shit?"

"_Dean, I know you, and I know you're gunna help this kid, but what does that have to do with you and your dad?"_

"Well, Sam's life is like hell, he has a demon for a dad, and a bitch for a mother and dicks for brothers...so I suggested to dad, seeing as he already technically knows about what's out there-"

"_Would you be able to have him as your brother instead? And let me guess, he said no way in hell and you guys had another yelling contest?"_

"Basically...but...this time...this time was different..." Dean's walls were down now, for some reason when he talked to Bobby, it was like he could take away his act and just be himself, instead of like he has to be for his father...a soldier and nothing more.

"_What happened Dean?"_

"He...he kept insulting Sam, calling him 'deaf kid' and I hated it, so we yelled and...it got ugly, then he tried to use me as a reason for why we couldn't have a 'deaf kid' on the hunt, he said if some deaf kid on the hunt couldn't hear then I would get hurt, and I hated him using me as some way to make me feel bad for wanting a friend or something around...and I said mom would be ashamed of him and what he is now...I said she was ashamed of him Bobby..." Dean was close to tears now and Sam could see.

"_Dean, I know you feel bad for saying that to him but...I know you didn't mean it."_

"That's the thing Bobby, I did, and I still do, he looked at me for a second, I was about to say sorry but he slapped me before I could-"

"_Whoa! He did what?!"_ Bobby yelled shocked.

"Yeah...that's why I'm calling, me and Sam are in a different room now without dad but we still need to get rid of that demon, and I didn't know who else to call."

"_Dean, kiddo...where's the demon now?"_

"We don't know, Sam's parents and brothers take off on the weekends apparently, so we just have to wait till Monday for them to come back then I can exorcise the basterd...but without dad I just don't know how...and I really don't wanna put Sam in the same room as him right now."

"_Do his parents slap him around?"_

"Not in so many words but...he's practically their slave, and...man I thought my life was screwed up but his...he's just a kid and the people in this town are just...I don't understand how someone can beat him up at ever chance they get, he's done nothing to no one, he's just a kid that's deaf and everyone from teachers to kids just kick him around and spit at him for no reason, I don't get it Bobby, how can people be so evil?"

"_Dean, like I've always said, demons I get, people are just crazy, sometimes you don't need to be possessed to be a monster...sometimes humans are worse than them," _the wise guy explained_._

"Bobby...how the hell do I help Sam if dad won't help him with me?" Dean asked looking over at the boy on the bed who was twiddling his thumbs innocently looking slightly nervous but very cute, _'how could anyone hit him?'_

"_I don't know Dean, you two will figure it out, but for now, you need to salt the room-"_

"Done."

"_Then you need to lock the door, don't answer it for anyone and grab yourself some holy water, tell __me where you are and I'll be on my way."_

"Omaha, quality inn, room 28C" he snorted, _'the names of these places we stay in!'_

"_I'll be there by tonight, be careful Dean, and don't be doing anything stupid, something bad goes down, you go to your dad, understand?"_

"Bobby I-"

"_Dean, be stubborn all you want for now, but if anything and I mean anything happens and I'm not there, you go to your dad."_

"Yes sir," he sighed knowing Bobby was right.

Sam was looking deeply at Dean while he was talking, trying to read him and why he was laughing and smirking one second, then huffing and about to drop tears the next, he couldn't figure him out and that just made Sam all the more upset and confused.

"_Good, now I'll see you boys later." _

"Bye Bobby, and thanks."

"_No thanks needed, you can always call me Dean, you know you can." _

"Thanks."

"_I'll see ya Dean."_

They both cut their lines off and sighed on both ends.

"Okay...holy water...holy water," Dean mumbled to himself as he fished through his bag behind Sam, "Ahah!" he cheered when he found it in his jacket pocket after patting himself down. He put it back then went in search of some paper, it was time to explain his story now.

He found some pencils on the motel table and handed them to Sam who seemed to have settled now they were in their own room.

'_Man I hope he isn't scared of my dad, how the hell would he be able to adopt Sam then?'_

He tried to push it to the back of his mind as he handed Sam some paper and the pencils nodding him to do whatever he wanted to keep himself entertained while _he_ tried to write down his life story.

Sam didn't understand at first when the drawing things were placed in his lap, but when Dean laid on his own bed leaning up against the head board and getting to work Sam mimicked him and shuffled back too. The kid glanced over every few seconds to Dean who was now trying to hide his amused smile with how Sam was copying him.

**~S/D~**

John paced up and down wearing a hole in the cheep carpet.

"Damn it!!" he yelled at himself kicking out at whatever was close which happened to be the bed post.

He didn't mean that, any of it, truth is he liked Sam, he really did, and he wouldn't mind if he was part of their family, but it was just too risky when it came to the hunt.

"When the hell did I start putting the hunt as the top priority and fitted everything else around it?" he asked himself. "I'm sorry Mary," he whispered looking up.

He knew he had to get the boys back to him, even if it meant beating down every door from here to them.

He ran from the room slamming the door behind him and went for the front office.

"Hey, excuse me!" he yelled when no one was there.

"Yeah?" an old grey haired guy asked.

"Have you seen 2 boys, one is tall, spiky hair, the other has kind of a messy looking mop and might look upset?"

"No, I haven't seen anyone," he answered too quick glaring daggers at John.

"Where are they?"

"I haven't seen anyone, now go away before I call the cops."

"Tell me where they are right now," John growled looking dangerous.

"Look man, maybe I have seen em, but they sure didn't look like they wanted to see you, just go back to your room man," the old guy was about to walk off till John grabbed a fist full of his shirt and pulled him back round to face him.

"Tell me where they are....please, I didn't beat them up okay, it wasn't me, just tell me where they are," he pleaded.

"Sorry man, I can't tell you, just cool off, they might find you before you find them, just go take a walk or something," he suggested pulling off and walking from the office.

"Great," John spat walking from the office.

He took a good few seconds to think of what Dean would do if he didn't want to be found anytime soon, and who he would call if he needed help.

"Crap," he muttered when he knew he was gunna get an earful in about 2 seconds.

He dialled and held the phone back so the yelling wouldn't deafen him too.

"Bobby, it's me..."

"_John?! Oh when I get my hands on you! I swear you ever lay another hand on either of those boys I'll shoot your ass full of buck shot you hear me!! How the hell could you hit your own son?!! He just wants some love for crying out loud! When are you gunna see he is a boy not a damn soldier!!?! You know what..._What would Mary think about this and you? You asshole!! _And that was before you slapped Dean, now...god John...do you think she wanted this for your son? John I don't...HOW THE HELL COULD YOU HIT DEAN?!!?"_

"Bobby...I know...but I didn't mean it...I was just angry and I took it out on him...I'm trying to find the boys now but the motel guy won't tell me where they are."

"_Can you blame him?!"_

"No Bobby I can't but...I just need to get to them and say sorry, I know I screwed up, I know okay...just please...if you know where they are, can you tell me, I can't have them unprotected, I need to be there to make sure my son and Sam are safe."

"_They have salt, they have holy water, I'd say they're a lot safer without being in the same room as you right now."_

"Bobby you know that's not true, I would never hit Dean for real...it was just a second of rage, that's all, I would never hurt him."

"_John, you using him as a way to make him feel bad for wanting you to adopt that Sam kid has hurt him more than any slap or punch could." _

"I know, I know how he feels about the kid, and I know how lonely and miserable he is, but I need to make it up to him okay, and I can't do that if I don't know where they are."

He heard a long sigh... _"Room 28C, and John, you tell him I told you, I swear I'll kick your ass. And don't do anything stupid till I get there."_

"Got it, thanks Bobby."

"_Thank me when I've got past wanting to kill ya!" _

John heard the line go dead after that so he shook his head and went in search of room 28C.

**Xxxxxxxx**

**Reviews? Pretty please x OOHH!! ** i have a livejournal ** i made some art for this fic and put it up, anyone add me as a friend on there, im new to it and i have no clue, anyone any tips?**


	6. Lost and Found? Found and Lost?

**Well like a total idiot I told yall to look at my livejournal and didnt even put the link up!! DUH! so, its- beckaloby(dot)livejournal(dot)com - take out the (dot) and put a . there :D pretty please have a look x :D Made 2 banners for this fic now!! yay!!**

**Lost and Found? Found and Lost?**

"**When I was 4 my mom was killed by a demon, he had yellow eyes and he burned her on the ceiling. Me and my dad have been hunting for the evil son of a bitch ever since, only we kill everything we can find because we've haven't seen a sign of it in 13 years. Ghost, zombies, werewolf's, witches, you name it, I've killed it. I know it sounds crazy but so does seeing your foster dad with black eyes right? He's most likely a demon by the way. We can kill it, but we need to find the basterd first, my friend is on his way, he can help us kill it. My dad would but I know you don't want to be near him. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose by the way, he just got mad at something I said about my mom. **

**We can help you Sam, we can help make you safer, and you're not crazy for knowing this stuff. You don't have to be scared to fight for yourself, it wasn't your fault your parents were killed, it was that assholes that we're gunna end soon. **

**You don't have to keep blaming yourself, bad things just happen sometimes, but it wasn't your fault and you're not a bad kid for what happened, that wasn't your fault, that was someone else's doing, got it?" **

Sam looked up with huge tears soaking in the neck of his top.

"**I'm not insane for seeing this?"** he asked showing Dean what he had been up to while Dean had been writing.

"Oh my god..." Dean gasped looking at the horror filled picture, it was clear it was the crash Sam was in, it was just black pencil but Dean could see where the blood would be and how much it would stand out on the page. The drawing was from Sam's view, looking out at the mess and some random guy just strolling past Sam's window with a smile on his face. He couldn't imagine how awful this must have been for Sam, when his mom died he was only 4 so he couldn't remember much, but Sam's memories were clear as day.

Dean shook his head and squeezed Sam's shoulder for comfort.

"Dean...it's me...can I come in?"

"No," he answered cold sitting down on his bed looking across at Sam.

"Dean, please, I didn't mean to hit you...I was just mad okay, I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry kiddo, I'm so so so sorry, I know your mother would be ashamed of me, I know that, I just didn't wanna hear it, but you're right okay, I know she must be so disappointed at what I've turned into, but I can make it up to you okay, I just can't do it through a door!" he shouted through the thin wood in the softest voice his gruff voice could pull off.

At that moment Dean stood and clicked the lock off.

"What?" he snapped only poking his head out of the small gap he made in the door.

"Dean I'm sorry, please just let me in so we can talk about this."

"How do I know this time is any different?"

"Dean...I know okay, I know I'm a mess and you didn't deserve any of this life, I'm not even gunna make any excuses, I'm just sorry."

"Wait there," he growled slamming the door shut.

He got the paper and wrote, Sam was fidgeting and wriggling like he could sense the tension in Dean know.

"**I just have to go talk to my dad outside, I'll be right back."**

Sam read and shook his head frantically gripping tight of Dean's sleeve.

"Crap," he mumbled when he knew Sam wasn't going to let him go. He gave the boy a 'please' with puppy eyes but Sam still wouldn't let go. "Okay, okay Sammy, I'm not going anywhere," he said sitting down next to him. "Dad...you're gunna have to come in, he won't let go," he groaned looking at the floor.

The door opened slowly and John poked his head round and gradually made his way into the room stepping over the salt.

"Dean I'm-"

John was cut off by Sam jumping up and standing in front of Dean with his fists up ready to strike John and protect Dean from him who was now looking wide eyed and shocked at the tough kid in front of him. He let out a humourless chuckle and stared in amazement.

"Damn, looks like this protective thing is a two way-" _Punch! "_Ow!" John whined holding his nose.

Dean snorted then let out a full bellow of laughter as Sam looked pissed at his father ready to punch him again.

"Laugh it up Dean, this really hurts, damn this kid has a good right hook I'll give him that," John was smiling himself but was trying to conceal it with the hand on his now bleeding nose.

"Dude, you get ripped limb from limb almost weekly and you're whining over a 13 year old punching you in the nose," he laughed in hysterics.

"Whoa!" John yelped grabbing hold of Sam's fist before it could hit him in the face this time.

Dean shook his head standing knowing he had to calm Sam down before he hurts himself trying to fight his dad.

"Sammy, it's okay," he said pulling the boy back who now had both hands pinned to his sides by John, not seeing Dean and only wanting to get back at the man that just hit his friend he kicked out and kneed John in his jewels causing him to go down.

"Ooohh!!" he yelled falling to his knees and trying to protect his go nads from the very angry kid.

"Sammy, Sammy," Dean called trying to pin Sam who had gone wild now.

"AAhh!!" he mewed thrashing round in Dean's hold.

"Sam stop! Stop!" Dean yelled holding him to a wall now, "stop..." he whispered when Sam gave up the fight. "It's okay Sammy, it's okay," he cooed as they both sunk to the floor, Dean held Sam for a few as he sobbed into his jacket.

"Dean I'm...I'm so sorry boys," John whispered low and ashamed as he still sat on the floor.

Dean pulled off and grabbed the pen and paper once more.

'_We so need to find another to talk to each other cos this is making my hand ache.'_

**"He's not gunna hurt us Sammy, he's my dad, he wouldn't hurt us, I promise."**

Sam looked up as if to say 'are you sure?' and Dean nodded.

"Dad...we need to find this son of a bitch," Dean mumbled from the floor with his back to his father.

"Yeah, I know kiddo, we won't do anything else till we've sent that basterd back to hell okay."

"Dad...this is what Sam saw that night," he picked up the pad Sam had been using and showed John the drawing.

"Jesus..."

"Dad we can't send him off alone after this, look at it, you think he can just move on and forget he ever saw this? Dad me and him...we're in the same boat...and I think it would be better if he stayed with us."

"Dean...I understand okay, I get it, I really do, but I just don't know if you would be able to keep hunting if you had Sam to take of, I know how miserable you are and I know it would be pretty good to have a brother around...but logically, how are we gunna be able to adopt him? With what we do, how much we move around, do you really think child services are gunna let us have him?"

"Well those assholes managed to fool everyone, so why can't we?!"

"Dean...I know okay, I know and I'm sorry, but let's just talk about this later, we exorcise this dick then we can talk more okay?"

"Fine, I'll just smile and pretend you're not planning on sending Sam to go get slaughtered again when this is over!"

"Dean I don't wanna fight again, just give me some time to think okay, please..." he begged knowing the decision of whether to take Sam in could effectively mean losing Dean forever.

"...Bobby's coming..." Dean mumbled changing the subject.

"Yeah, I know."

"What? How? Did he tell you what room we were in?"

"No, no he just yelled and threaten to shoot my ass, I swear I heard the gun being," John joked getting a snort from Dean.

"Yeah, sounds like Bobby...what do we do now then?"

"I dunno, helping me up? Or is that too much to ask?"

Dean let out a long sigh, mostly for comical reasons then moved to pull his dad up from the floor.

"Mmgg," he groaned when his middles were moved as he stood.

"You just totally got your ass kicked by a little kid," Dean laughed not even trying to hide it.

"Yeah, uuh...I think I should apologize to the little kid too...any ideas?"

"Start writing," Dean smirked handing John the motel pad.

**~S/D~**

Sam was sitting on his bed flicking through the channels on the TV not taking any interest in any of the images on the screen but pretending to watch them anyway, Dean was fishing through his bag ready to get a shower and John was sitting at the table staring into space under the watchful eye of Sam who was still flicking.

There was a knock at the door making John jump up and walk to the peep hole.

"Bobby's here," he announced unlocking the door.

"Found em I see," the grey haired hunter said walking over the salt and closing the door behind him.

"Yeah, thanks," John mumbled looking at the floor feeling like a kid in the head teachers office getting in trouble.

"This Sam?" Bobby asked Dean with a small smile as he looked at the nervous twitchy kid, '_no wonder Dean has taken to him so much, puppy eyes, floppy hair, cute and in need of some looking after by the looks of the black eye.' _

"Yeah," Dean nodded.

Bobby smiled and waved saying hi to the new comer. Sam looked from Bobby to the floor when he was greeted, _'guess he's shy.'_

"I'm gunna go take a shower," Dean stated picking his thing up and moving to the bathroom, he was soon stopped by Sam though.

He told the kid where he was going and he would be safe as houses with both Bobby and his dad, nothing would happen to either of them, and he 'promised', after that Sam let him go and went back to flicking.

"How's he holding up?" Bobby asked John casually taking his jacket off and dumping in on the nearest bed.

"Not really sure, he's scared the death of me, doesn't need to be with the right hook he has though, and my jewels are kinda sore still."

"You mean he...?"

"Oh yeah, would make a good hunter when he gets older...but I still don't know, it's just not logical, I don't know how to take care of myself half the time, never mind another kid on top of the one I can't seem to take care of already."

"John, why didn't you explain that to Dean instead of using him as an excuse you pin head?"

"I keep trying to but...it comes out all wrong, I didn't mean to hit Dean, I really didn't, I just happened...this is all so messed up..."

"Yeah well life's messed up, so suck it up princess cos we got a demon to exorcise."

"Could you look after Sam for me, I gotta go do something," John said out of the blue standing and lifting his jacket from the chair.

"Where you going?"

"Out, I'll be back," he said walking out of the room before Bobby could ask again.

**~S/D~**

"Where's dad?"

"Just gone out, said he had to do something."

"What?"

"I dunno, you know your daddy, he doesn't exactly elaborate, " Bobby snorted.

"Yeah, uuh...Sam been okay?" he asked looking over at him sitting on the bed staring into space.

"Yeah, I guess.."

"Good," _'okay this is awkward...'_

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason, just asking," '_yeah right'._

Dean shook his off not wanting to talk about it. He grabbed the pad again and wrote.

"**Your turn for the shower."**

Sam nodded and stood from his bed, Dean handed him some sweats and sent the kid on his way.

"So, are you really okay?" Bobby asked now Sam was gone.

"Eeehh.."

"I'll take that as a no."

"Don't worry about it."

"Dean, you know your daddy never meant to hurt you right?"

"Yeah, now you sound like him."

"Dean, I'm not taking sides here okay, you both have your good arguments, I'll I'm saying is...he just wants to keep you safe, ready, prepared if anything were to happen to him, and he just became your drill sergeant along the way. I have a feeling all this is gunna work out, you'll see."

"Since when were you a psychic?"

"Haha."

"So when's my dad coming back?"

"Don't know, said he wouldn't be long."

**~S/D~**

"What's this?"

"I thought it might be easier than killing a hundred trees every day."

"Um...thanks dad, this aahh, this is cool, thanks," Dean smiled holding one of the white boards in his hand.

"You're welcome kiddo," John smiled actually feeling like a father for the first time in a long time.

"What's he doing in there?" Dean asked looking towards the bathroom.

"He's been in there for almost 50 minutes," Bobby frowned looking at his watch.

"Do I knock?" Dean asked going to the bathroom door.

"Just...open the door and poke your head through," John suggested.

Dean nodded and twisted the door knob.

"Sammy you-...oh shit...dad!" he yelled rushing in the bathroom when he caught a glance at the boy.

All three of the hunters filled the bathroom in worry.

"I'll get the first aid kit," Bobby announced when he saw.

**~S/D~**

Sam went in the bathroom like he was told but when he was alone, closing the door, and getting undressed, he felt a wave of sadness, he knew what Dean and his dad were arguing about, he could feel it, they were arguing whether to send him away and leave him or not. He didn't want to seem selfish, but he really didn't want to go, he wanted to stay within Dean's protection forever, he felt like they were the same and they could deal with what happened with this demon stuff together, he didn't feel like an insane freak when he was with Dean, he felt like he was with his family, as stupid as that sounds.

He turned the shower on and stepped in, he sat down in the tub not having the strength to stay vertical. He pulled his knees under his chin, winced as he pushed on his ribs, then put his head in his hands and cried silently.

'_I hate my life! I hate my life! I HATE MY LIFE!!'_ he screamed inside his head as he rocked himself.

He hated it! His life just started to get better, just a little bit of hope in his head and now someone wants to rip it away from him.

'_Is someone sending Dean to me, making me feel happy, then pulling that out from under my feet just to have a good laugh?!' _

He sat under the spray feeling the water burn his back but not caring how much it hurt, just simply because...it all hurt right now.

He sat there for how long he didn't know, he only came to when he saw Dean in the room looking really scared, so did his dad and his friend.

"Sam what the hell are you doing?!" Dean yelled kneeling down in front of him looking at the red rare skin on the kids back. "Holy," he gasped when he felt how hot the water was.

He didn't really register his dad pushing him out of the way and pulling Sam from the tub and laying him down on the bed. John and Bobby working together, rubbing burn cream and taping gauze over the scabbing flesh was a blur for both boys.

It went by in a flash but the pain seemed to move in slow motion. Sam could feel the sting and searing pain now the numbness had worn off, and Dean's pain of what Sam had just done to himself, even after he tried to tell the kid he didn't deserve any of it was just hard to keep inside.

'_Why didn't I see how much he was hurting? He had been sitting there all day in front of me and I didn't see it!'_

"Dean? Dean?" John asked snapping his fingers in his sons face.

"W-what?" he asked shakily.

"Dean you zoned out for like half an hour, you okay son?"

"Yeah, I'm fine...Sammy..."

"Is sleeping, just like you should be," Dean looked over at the bed and saw Sam sleeping peacefully, dressed in a white t-shirt and tucked in tight. "Bobby's gone to the other room, and I'll stay here, now get some rest, you're gunna need it if you wanna kill that son of a bitch."

"Yes sir," Dean nodded then crawled into the empty bed and closed his eyes.

John heard 2 sets of snoring seconds later, he smiled at them both and felt a warmth in his heart.

'_Don't get attached you idiot! He has to go back into a foster home in a few days!' _he said mentally kicking himself. He wished he could take Sam in, but there was just no way around all the obstacles Dean seemed to be missing. There was just no way he could take in a deaf kid at this time in their lives, he would be in more danger with them than in some normal house...when they find one for him. Dean was gunna hate him that's for sure, but hopefully in time when he grows up, he'll understand.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Am I still doing okay? Let me know! And please...any ideas, any situations you would like Sam and Dean to be in, in the next few chappies or the far future...let me know x **


	7. Heatbeats

**Luch time tomorrow I'm off on holiday for a week, Menorca here I come!!! :D really excited but want to cry cos I won't have my laptop!! *sob!*...so, I'll see ya'll next Tuesday or Wednesday!! Enjoy for now!! Please send me some reviews so I will have something nice to come back home to!! X mwah!**

**Heartbeats**

"_Mommy! Mommy! Can we go now please? Pretty please mommy!" Sam asked bouncing up and down with a grin on his face._

"_Sam slow down, we have to wait for your father first silly," his mom smiled laying a kiss on his nose._

"_Kay mommy, can o go wait in the car? Please! Pretty please?" he pleaded with puppy eyes._

"_Go on," she laughed handing him the keys._

"_Yay!" he cheered snatching them and running out of the door._

"_Al! We're going!" Loretta shouted to the garage where he was working._

"_Coming babe!"_

"_Mo-"_

_Sam was cut off by his dad walking up to him mom and kissing her on the cheek._

"_Why did it have to be the circus?" he moaned not seeing his son in the hallway._

"_He likes it," Retta stated._

"_Yeah I know, but why did our kid have to like clowns? They're scary as hell."_

"_Just humour your son you big baby. Oh, Sam, you ready honey?" she asked seeing him watching them from the door._

"_Yeah," he whispered feeling bad now for making his parents take him to see some clowns if they didn't want to._

"_Come on champ, let's go see some cool horses do tricks huh?" his dad smiled putting a hand on the back of his neck and walking out the door._

"_Kay daddy..."_

_..._

"_ALAN LOOK OUT!!"_

"_MOMMY!!!"_

"_AAHHHH!!!"_

_**CRASH!**_

_...._

"_HAHAHA....what a waste...." the man with black eyes laughed, "but not for long..."_

"_Naahh...mmaa...aaahh..."_

...

"AAHH...MMAAA...."

"Sammy! Sam calm down it's only a dream, it's okay, it's just a bad dream..."

Sam thrashed like a wild cat as both Dean and John tried to hold him steady, _'no wonder they had to force sedatives in him, even all those years ago, this kid has some fight in him!'_

At that moment when knowing calling the kids name was pointless, John marched to the bathroom, filled a glass on the side with cold water, then rushed back to the boys and tossed the chilled liquid on Sam's face.

"Dad that was kinda harsh!" Dean scolded glaring at his father as he held Sam's hands down.

"Worked didn't it, hey Sam," John breathed smiling sympathetically down at the kid who was now looking at his surroundings in shock with wet hair dripping in his face.

"Dad what if he does that while he's in a kids home? What if they think he's insane for screaming like that? We can't send him back dad, I won't let you."

"Dean, enough, I think we have to deal with Sam at this moment in time, not Sam in a week's _time_."

"Yeah..." Dean nodded working through his shock as he stared at a sobbing Sam.

"Dean get him back on his side," John said standing and going for the first aid kit.

Dean did as he was told and he helped Sam on his side, he figured it was so Sam wouldn't agitate his back wounds he gave himself just hours ago.

John picked up the glass and filled it again then picked up some pills. He walked back to the bed and held them out with a light smile for Sam who took them slowly and put them between his lips, Dean was the one coaching him to put the glass to his mouth so he could wash them down with but he was so used to having to dry swallow things forcefully he didn't catch it at first.

"You boys get back to sleep."

"Yes sir," Dean yawned shuffling down the bed he was sitting on with Sam, not having the energy to move, plus he wanted to be close if the kid had another nightmare.

John picked up the covers from the other bed and laid them over Dean who was now laying on top of Sam's sheets. He picked up the unused pillow too and helped Sam replace the drenched one under his head. He got a look from the kid, smiled back, then tucked the boys in with care, not even getting a flinch from Sam who was now a lot more comfortable with him than the day before. He sighed when both boys were sleeping again, kicked his boots off, laid on the empty bed fully clothed and shivering in the chilly room, but not caring as long as the boys were warm and safe for now.

'_God how am I gunna let go of this kid? Never mind Dean!...this better work out for the best...or Mary's gunna haunt me!' _

**~S/D~**

The next day both boys woke long after lunch, which was the biggest blessing to Dean because he never got to sleep past 9am and that was a lie-in in his father's eyes.

John and Bobby were going over the plan for the hunt tonight asking Sam about the times his parents usually came home. The kid answered all the questions with a shaky hand scared of how it was going to go down and confused as to how this all worked. He followed Dean round like a shadow and whimpered every time Dean left to even go to the bathroom for 2 minutes. Sam felt lost and scared without Dean next to him, sure he had the other 2 big guys but they looked too busy to look after him_._

"**Told you I'd be back Sammy." **

Dean had already wrote it on his board he now was wearing round his neck by Sam's orders. He walked out of the bathroom fully and went to sit next to his dad at the table. Sam got all fidgety standing in the middle of the room, more twitchy than normal, then Dean saw he had his legs crossed tight.

"**Go to the bathroom before you pee your pants you goof!"**

Sam huffed looking scared at the empty bathroom.

"**I won't bite, and we won't go anywhere, I promise."**

Sam nodded...then took a small step, then another, then another...and before he knew it, he was in the bathroom and Bobby was closing the door for him.

"Damn, that boy is scared outa his wits...poor kid..." Bobby sighed then watched as John squirmed feeling the guilt everyone except Sam was laying on him.

"Dad-"

"Not now Dean," John snapped unnecessarily but feeling the need to scream with all the crap he had to hold down right now.

"Could you guys go get us some dinner?" Dean asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Sure, what do you kids want?" Bobby asked picking his jacket up.

"I dunno, whatever, I just...wanna talk to Sammy alone...to explain," he glared at his father when the last two words came from his mouth.

"Sure kid, we'll be back later then. Might be a good idea to check out that house before we go in tonight."

"Yeah, thanks Bobby."

"Stay in the room Dean, both of you," John warned going to the door with Bobby.

"Yes sir..." _'what does he think I'm gunna do, run away with Sam or something?'_

**~S/D~**

"**So you wanna explain to me why the hell you decided to make a boiler room out of the bathroom yesterday?" **

Sam shrugged and stood from the bed not wanting to talk about it, he thought Dean had let it go of forgot or something.

Dean stood not giving in and forced Sam to turn and face him, he picked the board up again and tapped it with a look on his face that made Sam's toes curl with the guilt.

"**I was just scared about tonight and forgot to move, sorry,"** he lied with a shrug.

Dean bought it though, he nodded in sympathy totally understanding why Sam would be scared after everything he has been through in the last week. He draped an arm over the kids shoulders careful of his back then ruffled his hair getting a giggle from Sam.

The boys pushed and prodded each other for the next few minutes till the room fell serious again.

"**You know when this is over tonight, I'm not sure where you have to go, I'm still trying to convince my dad but he's a stubborn basterd, he thinks its for the best for you and me, you get to try and be normal, but I'm not sure if you can after everything, I know I couldn't be normal after what happened to my mom, and that was years ago."**

"**It's okay, I get it, I mean who would want some deaf freak around messing up your missions and stuff. It's okay, I'll survive."** '_or not...not that I'm telling you that, I feel bad enough already!'_

"**You're not some deaf freak! I don't see you that way, so shut up before I kick your ass!"**

Sam smiled at the last few words, Dean would kick his ass and protect him from himself, _'now I feel really really really bad!'_

The next second Sam felt Deans phone vibrate next to him, he handed it over and Dean answered.

"Yeah?"

"_Dean, they're pulling in the drive, get Sam over here now, stick to the plan and me and Bobby will be in on your cue."_

"Yes sir."

Dean ended the call, gathered his things and shoved Sam out of the door with no explanation.

"**You ready?"** he wrote driving fast out of the motel.

Sam nodded knowing what he meant all too well...he wasn't ready, he knew once this begun, it wouldn't stop, he wouldn't be able to put going back into care on hold any longer, he wasn't ready!

**~S/D~**

Dean lead Sam in the house, following the plan to a tee, he let Sam go in first then instantly regretted it when he noticed the house was silent, too silent.

"Sammy Sammy Sammy...I'm so disappointed in you, making friends with a hunter."

That Stopped Dean in his tracks, this wasn't part of the plan.

"What's wrong Dean? Not going like you planned?"

"You son of a bitch," he growled dragging Sam behind him with full force making the boy trip and fall, but as long as he was behind Dean, it didn't matter, he would be safe.

"Oooh watch the tone little boy, I might just have to cut your daddy's tongue out for teaching you that one."

"What have done with him?" Dean asked the demon who stood before him.

"Nothing, yet..." at that moment both boys went flying back into separate walls and were pinned there while the demon laughed and watched them squirm.

"Tell you what, just go away, all three of you hunters, and I'll not touch any of you again, just leave Sam where he belongs and go."

"No, I think I'd much rather send your sorry ass to hell and take Sam with me."

"Tut tut tut...listen, I'm not a bad guy, I can be reasonable, I've not hurt any humans in a few years now, and I won't today if you just leave."

"Maybe I wasn't clear, Kiss. My. Fury. Cheeks. you asshole."

"Why do you care so much about little Samuel? I mean look at him," Frank laughed walking up to the now sobbing boy who was close to hyperventilating. The one way he could tell if something was happening was taken away from him. The room tilted as he lost his sense of up and down as the force on his chest increased. With terror filled eyes he tried to look for Dean, for answers, for help! But he could only watch as Frank and Dean talked back and forth with each other, he could see their lips moving, but couldn't make out their expressions through the blur of panic, _'I'm so useless! I can't even understand what's going on!! Where is Dean's dad? Where is John? Dean had said he was the best and so was Bobby. If they were so damn good why did they not help Dean and me now? This hurts...we are all going to die here...'_

Dean was close to tears watching the boy and how scared he was, how unfocused his eyes were, Sam eyes were always so precise in what they concentrated on, but now...he was so lost..._ 'okay, maybe dads right about not making Sam have this life thing, he looks so scared, I can't do this to him every day of the week for the rest of his life, I can't be responsible for putting that look on his face!'_

"Don't you touch him!" Dean yelled when he snapped out of his thoughts and saw the demon/Frank walking towards Sam.

"He's my son, I can do what I like..." he blinked, Sam gasped...Sam sobbed...Sam couldn't breathe... _'AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!_' his mind screamed when it felt like Frank was tearing his head in half with the blink of his black eyes.

"STOP IT!!!! SSTTTOOPPP!!" Dean screamed when he saw Sam's mouth open to scream but all that can out was a suffocating choke.

Frank blinked again and the pain stopped.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" Den screamed trying to pull himself from the wall.

"I told you, leave and no one gets hurt, don't leave, and Sam's ears bleed till his brains are mush."

"I'm gunna kill you!"

"That'll be a neat trick."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Aaahh, papa hunter and his little friend, nice of you old folks to join us," the demon taunted seeing John and Bobby in the room.

"Stay the hell away from them," John warned walking round circling Frank.

"Or what Johnny boy? Looks like I'm the one running the show right now...so I suggest you-...a devils trap?" he growled when he couldn't move past where he was walking to Dean.

"Gotcha," Bobby smirked tossing some water from his flask at the demon.

"Aaahh!!" he screamed and the boys fell to the floor.

"Nice of you guys to show up, took you long enough! ...Now, where were we? Ooh yeah that's right...I was about to say go to hell, but it looks like Bobby's gunna take care of that for me," Dean smirked picking himself from the floor watching his dad go to Sam. he knew he wasn't needed there, he had just screwed up big time and let Sam get hurt, so it was time for some payback.

John walked to the kid and held his hand out to Sam when he saw that the boy was in a panic and Dean was a little preoccupied with holy water. He knelt down and put a hand to his chin John slowly raised the boys head so that they were looking at each other.

"You. Are. Safe." John mouthed slowly waiting for Sam to understand. When the boy still didn't settle he tried to look back over the last few days trying to remember what Dean did to make him calm down...then it dawned on him. He pulled the boy into his chest and let him feel his heart beat on his tear covered cheek. Sam fisted his shirt as he felt John's slow steady heart beat, it was not fast and panicked like his was, it was calm and collected, like somehow the man knew that everything was going to be alright. Sam held tight and forced his own heart to match the steady beat Johns chest was pumping, taking in deep breaths unlike the pants his lungs wanted to do. The hunters would keep him safe, they would never let him get hurt if they could help it. He was safe here. He buried in closer to John so that he could feel the beat rumble of him speaking to someone. The feel of the huge man's voice in his chest make Sam feel safe again and for the first time since his parents left him he allowed himself to trust.

"Dean take Sam back to the motel, he doesn't need to see this."

John tried to pull away and pick Sam up but he wouldn't, he wanted to stand but he wanted to stay in Johns arms till the bad man went away, he needed to see the bad man with black eyes go away!

"Dad I...I think he wants to stay," Dean stated watching Sam come out from John's chest but not let go with his tight fists.

John decided to try it out, he picked Sam up, hooked his hands under the boys legs and round his back, lifted then walked to the door. Sam tried to pull back and he held onto the door frame.

"Guess he does," John laughed walking back and setting Sam's legs to the floor but not letting him go completely.

"AAAHHHH!!! When I get back from hell the first thing I'm gunna do is peals Sammy's flesh from his bones!"

"Bobby, hit it," Dean smirked then flicked more holy water making the demons skin sizzle and steam up.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, et secta diabolica,"

"AAAAAHHHH!!! I HOPE I SEE HIS PARENTS DOWN THERE!! AHAHAHAAA!!!" he laughed and screamed.

"Wait!" Dean yelled telling Bobby to hold it.

"Dean-"

"What about his parents? Why them! Why the hell would you kill them then foster a deaf kid?! Why?!"

"I needed a hobby," he laughed with tears coming down.

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"A got bored of the normal, posses a guys meat, walk around, make a little chaos, I wanted someone to play with, someone that wouldn't even be able to scream when I fucked him hard!"

"You…you did that to him?" Dean choked.

"Sometimes twice a night…don't worry though, Sammy never felt a thing, didn't even know I was there…he was just a little satisfied the next morning he woke up," the demon laughed.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Dean stepped inside the trap and punched the meat suit hard enough to crack the man's jaw.

"Dean!" John yelled but unable to pull him back as he had his hands full with little Sammy. "Dean enough! This is why I wanted you out! You're scaring him Dean! Stop it!"

Sam was back to sobbing and hiding his face in John's chest as Dean continued to beat the man.

"Bobby what are you waiting for?!"

"Ergo draco maledicte et sectio  
Ergo draco maledicte et legio secta diabolica."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! STOP STOP!"

"Vade, Satana, inventor et magister omnis fallaciae, hostis humanae salutis. Vanish Satan."

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!"

Black smoke erupted from Frank's mouth and snaked round till it reached the floor boards and ran down the cracks.

"We need to get outa here," John announced when saw Franks body fall to the floor in a heap of blood.

"He dead?"

"I-I killed him?"

"No Dean, he has…bites…look like dog bites of something, cut his artery in his neck, he was dead if you'd have beaten on him or not," Bobby consoled after examining the corps.

"What the hell is that?" John asked when they heard loud vicious hell like barking.

"Uuuh...guys…." Dean stuttered then raised his hand and pointed behind them, wide eyed and frozen with shock.

"Oooh shit…."

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Yes ****I'm evil…*runs off to Menorca!!*…catch me if you can! **

**Before I go...thank you soooo much to MonkeyMuse and Bia1009!! Lov ya both!!!**


	8. Keeping Sammy

**Soooo, I'M BACK!! :D thank you guys so much for all the well wishes, and sorry to a few reviewers, I went on the computer over there when I was on vacation and read some new reviews, now for some reason I can't reply to them :(**** but thank you soo much anyway!! :D**

**Thanks so much to Bia1007!! lov ya for sorting this for me!! :D**

**Keeping Sammy**

"Uuuh...guys…." Dean stuttered then raised his hand and pointed behind them, wide eyed and frozen with shock.

"Oooh shit…."

"Dad what the hell is that?" Dean said mot moving his lips.

"Black dog."

"It doesn't look like a friendly puppy..."

"No, they're bitches from hell...literally...we need to go before it tears us apart."

"He's kinda blocking the front door."

"Dean, now is not the time to be a smart ass...Bobby's right, we need to go."

"Can't we kill it?" Dean mumbled with a locked jaw as the dog growled low ready to pounce at them.

"No...not really..."

"Bobby, you get the boys outa here, I'll keep it off."

"Dad no," Dean protested knowing what was gonna happen all too well.

"Dean that wasn't a suggestion, go."

"Dean...back up slowly and take Sam with you," Bobby said taking careful steps towards him, his eyes never leaving the dog once.

Sam didn't want to, he just latched on tighter to John, digging his nails in round his waist that he was plastered to.

"Bobby, there's no way I cant take Sam off me without him moving and making that thing jump on us," John whispered in a worried tone that Dean hadn't heard in years, worried for the little one in his arms, 'man I hope this means we get to keep Sammy!...okay that sounds like he's a pet...moving on...'

"Dean, are you listening?" John hissed walking back with taking long strides back being as silent as he could. He had now picked Sam's feet from the ground again, mostly so Sam wouldn't make any sounds he didn't know he was making whilst walking away from the monster in front of them.

"What?" Dean asked knowing he missed what his father was saying.

"We all get out together okay? Walk towards the back door and then run for it okay, don't look back, just run."

"Yes sir," he nodded knowing his dad was telling the truth, he would never try and take on that thing with him in his hold.

They stepped back, keeping their eyes forward, Dean felt himself bump into a door, so he pulled it open, still facing the thing, then went to turn and run for it knowing his dad would be close behind.

"Going somewhere?" a woman asked...it was Alice.

He had never hit a girl in his life, and never planned to, but Dean was sure this bitch didn't class as being a girl so he swung his fist at her and ran when she went down easily and came smack hard into the land of unconsciousness.

"GO GO GO!!" Bobby yelled as they all ran for it now back to their cars.

"Take Sam!"

"What?!" Dean yelled but the little shaking boy was pushed in his arms too fast for him to do anything else as his father ran back to Bobby and the dog that was about to attack him. "DAD!" he yelled when the thing jumped up with its sharp teeth and sunk its claws into his dads chest.

He knew he had to help, but he had to get Sam away first.

He ran and ran till he reached his car round the front of the house, he sat Sam down in the back on the floor then closed the car and ran back to help kill that monster.

Sam pulled himself up from the floor of the backseat and launched for the door but found it locked as he yanked on the handle frantically. He sobbed when he saw Dean running away, he placed his palm on the cold window and traced Deans body as he got smaller and smaller until he went round a corner and wasn't there anymore. Sam kept his hand on the glass like it was his link to Dean, like if he kept his hand there he could feel Dean and tell he was still out there somewhere.

**~S/D~**

"Dean! GO!" Bobby yelled not being able to help as the dog who was now ripping Johns chest to ribbons and moving too much for Bobby's liking.

"Hey! COME AND GET YOU FUGLY SON OF A BITCH!!" he yelled at the dog.

Bobby looked at his nephew in pure fear, _'what the hell is he doing?!! These damn Winchesters! Always risking their lives for each other! They're both gunna end up dead one of these days!'_

"BOBBY SHOOT!!" John chocked from the floor as he saw the monster jumping for his only son.

Bobby did as he was told and the dog went down with a yelp.

"Dean?! Dean you okay?" Bobby rushed cursing himself for being so late.

"I'm good, Dad...!" he yelled when saw him groaning on the floor trying to sit up.

"I'm okay, that thing dead?" John wanted to kick himself for sounding so weal then.

"Yeah...guess silver rounds work then," Bobby chuckled.

"Dad, take it easy," Dean coached kneeling down next to John and helping him sit up.

"We really need to stop this bleeding, ya idjit."

"Hey, saved your ass didn't I?" John smirked as Dean helped him stand.

"I think it was me that saved both your asses," Dean corrected as he put his dads arm over his shoulders and helped him walk back to his car.

"Yeah, and if you ever pull a stunt like that after I order you to run, I'll kill you myself."

"Sure you will," Dean smirked.

"I got your truck John," Bobby said and Dean handed him the keys when he fished in his dads pocket. "See you back at the motel."

"So Dad...you know they're gonna ask questions about what happened to that guy, Sammy's not gonna be able to cover that one is he?"

"No...I guess not."

"So uuuhh...does that mean we aahh..."

"He'll be your responsibility Dean, you look after Sam okay, from now on that is your job, we can ask Bobby to help us fake the adoption, so..."

"We get to keep Sammy?!"

"That sounds like he's a dog Dean," John chuckled as they carried on walking back.

"The keep him or Sammy part?" Dean joked making his dad laugh..._'I've missed this.'_

'_I've missed this,' _Dean smiled. "You wanna sit in the back?" he asked when they reached the car.

"Why?"

"Sammy's in the back, gonna need calming down, I kinda locked him in," Dean winced when he saw the back seat and Sam with his hand to the glass window with tears down his happy surprised face.

"I'll get in back," John said shaking his head with a tiny smile.

Dean smiled at Sam and put his hand to the glass over Sam's hand then unlocked the door. Sam shuffled up when he got that John was coming in next to him.

Dean helped his dad sit down then picked up an old shirt from the front, he handed it to his dad who pressed it hard on his wounds, but despite the pain, he was happier than ever when Sam carefully shuffled close to him and leaned his little head on Johns shoulder lightly.

'_Knew those puppy eyes would win even the great John Winchester over,'_ Dean grinned as he started the car and drove off back to their 'home' for the lack of a better word.

**~S/D~**

"Dad, Dad wake up," Dean said shaking John.

"What?" he groaned.

"Bobby said you need to take some more of these," Dean held out 2 white pills and John swallowed them dry then laid back against the pillows.

"Where's the kid?" he asked once he knew he wasn't going back to sleep.

"Sleeping," Dean whispered pointing to the next bed.

"We should get a move on, before that bitch reports us or something."

John was about to get out of bed but Dean stopped him, "Bobby's working on it, we're packed and ready to go, but he said you have to stay here, or at least sit in bed till Sammy wakes up."

"Yes mom," John moaned pulling himself up against the headboard.

"Bite me," Dean snapped, he was only trying to look out for his dad, he was a mess and passed out in the car, Sam was the one that ended up holding the shirt to stop the bleeding, he has blood all in his fingernails and Dean had to pry him from Johns side to get him to clean himself up, he had to watch carefully while Sam to a shower making him give Dean the thumbs up from inside the shower curtain every few minutes so Dean would know he was okay and not doing anything stupid like 'forgetting to move'. When the boys came back in the room Bobby was done stitching and stated he just needed rest, giving Dean strict orders to make sure John stayed in bed. Dean did a bargain with Sam, he had to go to sleep otherwise John wouldn't stay put in bed like he was told, if Sam was asleep he wouldn't want to wake him so he would have no choice but to rest, Sam practically launched himself in the spare bed and closed his eyes faking sleep and looking over at John every few seconds. Eventually sleep won out and Sam was snoring softly matching Johns rhythmic snorts, it was weird for Dean being to be the one awake and keeping watch, but he did it with pride and followed every order Bobby gave him over the last few hours, like _'Dean give these to your daddy in 2 hours' 'Dean hold the fort while I go make some calls,' 'Dean go draw these symbols at the doorways.'_ He followed without question and it felt good to be able to nod and get on with it, instead of bickering and asking 'why?' all the time like he did with his dad. But now his dad was back to being an ass.

"Where's Bobby now?"

"I dunno, why don't you get outa bed and go look for him yourself," Dean spat sarcastically standing from the bed and turning from his father.

"What have I done now?" John sighed.

"Can't you just let me be in charge of watching out for this family just for a few hours? Don't you trust me or something?"

"What? Dean I trust you with my life, what on earth are talking about?"

"If you trust me with your life why did you tell me to run? Why not 'help me fight Dean'...I could have helped and you know I helped, you know I saved your ass."

"Dean, its not that I don't trust you to help and fight with me, its because you shouldn't have to, I'm your father, I'm the one who is in charge of taking care of this family."

"When did you become the king of chick flick?" Dean snorted.

"Since you became co founder," John smiled back.

"Haha."

"I know, I'm hilarious," John smirked. "So, really, where's Bobby?"

"I dunno, making calls or something, didn't ask."

"That's a first...sorry," he winced when he saw Dean's glare.

"You think he's gonna be okay? After this?" Dean asked looking at Sam who was twitching his noce in his sleep.

"He'll be fine Dean."

"Really? Cos I don't think so, dad he sat under boiling hot water for almost an hour, he did that to himself, and he...I've seen the cut marks on his arms, how do I help that? I have no idea how to help him with that..."

"Now you're changing your mind, you spend the whole week begging me to take him in, and as soon as I say yes you then think about like I've been doing for this entire time, make your mind up kiddo."

"I'm not...I still wanna help him dad, I need to help him, I just don't know how, I'm not a shrink."

"You don't have to be, just be there, talk to him."

"Dad..."

"Oh, that was a bad example huh...well, we'll think about it later, right now I'd like to go to sleep."

"You want tucking in princess?"

"You want a slap on the ass?"

Dean snorted at his grumpy father, '_suppose __it's__ better than fighting.'_

"Night dad," he said as he saw his dad's eyes close and his breathing evened out.

**~S/D~**

"Everyone ready?" ~Bobby asked shutting the truck on the Impala.

"Yup, come on Sammy, let's go show the old farts how to drive," Dean said mostly to everyone else as he pushed Sam to the passenger side.

They all drove off to Bobby's house which would take them about 6 hours, 4 for Sam and Dean though, he never liked following the speed limit and Sam seemed to enjoy the thrill of driving over 60.

**~S/D~**

"You boys got the spare bedroom," Bobby told Dean as they carried the bags in. Den was holding a sleeping Sam in his arms and he carried him to the room that always had 2 beds in, one for him, one for his dad, he wondered where he would sleep tonight but he was too tired to ask, he just tucked Sam in and kicked his own boots off, pushed his bed that used to be his dads up to Sam's making a double bed. He crawled in next to Sam and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

'_Night Deanie.'_

"Night Sammy."

**~S/D~**

"Morning dad," Dean greeted as he walked into Bobby's kitchen seeing his dad reading the paper at the table.

"Hey son, you sleep okay?" John asked when he saw Dean looking healthier and happier than he had in a long time.

"Yeah, you?"

"No, Bobby's beds are bad, but they're nothing compared with the couch," he joked cranking his neck. "The kid okay?" he asked putting the paper down giving Dean his full attention.

"Yeah, still asleep. I was thinking maybe we could, I dunno...get him things today."

"What do mean?"

"Like, clothes and stuff, I know ours are not that great but, they're a hell of a lot better than the ones he has."

"Okay then, we'll go into town today then."

"Thanks dad."

"Don't mention it, you want some breakfast?"

"No, I think I'll wait for Sammy."

"Fair enough."

"Where's Bobby?"

"Making some calls, getting the paper work for Sam."

"So this is gonna be like, official?" Dean grinned.

"Sure is."

"Thanks dad."

"What for?"

"For uuuhh...letting Sam be part of this family, just...thanks."

"Well, like you said, he can't exactly con his way outa what happened back at that house so, he's better off with us."

"You sure that's the only reason? I mean you did look pretty happy when he was practically in your lap."

"Okay...so maybe I like the kid."

"Damn straight."

_Crash!_

"What was that?"

"Sam," John breathed then took off running upstairs with Dean, I was fairly difficult with the stitches in his chest but he managed to push past the pain and sprint all the way to the bedroom.

"Sam?" Dean asked worried slamming the door open.

There he was, on the floor, curled up, and sobbing.

"Sam?" he asked kneeling down in front of the boy, he lifted Sam's head up trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Dean, I think he knocked the lamp over by accident," John stated looking at the shattered mess at the other side of the bed.

Dean picked up the eraser board he brought up last night and wrote to Sam.

"**What's wrong?"**

Sam wouldn't take the pen he was offered, he just cried and looking fearfully at the lamp.

"**How come you knocked it over?"**

Sam shrugged and looked deathly apologetic.

"**It doesn't matter, it was an ugly lamp anyway."** Dean joked with a grin hoping Sam would stop the tears and just come downstairs for breakfast.

The kid nodded, cried some more, leaned his head on Dean shoulder, then stood up having done with the tears when Dean promised him they didn't care about the stupid lamp.

They ate breakfast, chatted, then Dean said they were gonna go to the mall for some things for Sam. At first he refused, not wanting anything more, having had too much already from them, but Dean was just as stubborn and forced the kid to suck it up. they tried to ask Sam what he liked on the way but he had no clue, he didn't even know what size he was. So it was up to them to wing it.

**Xxxxxxxxxxx**

**I have a quick Q, shopping chapter, dramatic (something happens to Sam), funny, cute, upsetting (for Sam of course...what can I say I'm evil)...soooo...any ideas? **

**p.s. might be a while, starting college next week and no idea how people fit work/school and FF into their day....eeeepppp!!**


	9. Achy Breaky Heart

**Well something is up with FF, so I had to copy and paste this to another doc I had, lot's of other people are having this same problem, GGRR!**

**But anyways guys…I really hope you enjoy this, and please pretty please check my poll out!! Please!!! :D would help me soooooo much!!**

* * *

**Achy Breaky Heart**

"Target?" Dean offered pointing to the busy store.

Sam was behind him, a hand fisted in the back of his leather jacket, holding tight and scared of the strangers around him.

"You're okay," Dean promised with a smile reaching behind him and patting Sam's hand that was clawing his clothing.

"Dean you need any new clothes son?" John asked pushing the boys forward and keeping a protective stance behind Sam sandwiching the vulnerable scared boy between himself and his tall son.

"No, I'm good," Dean insisted turning and pulling Sam close to his side so he could see the kid better and keep an eye on how he was doing in this big scary place.

Sam's Adam's apple was bobbing up and down as he looked around at all the people. Children were crying and having tantrums, parents were yelling and dragging their sons and daughters from shops, old guys were moaning carrying tons of bags their wives were making them hold, teens were staring, looking threatening to Sam, but not to Dean, he glared and pulled Sam closer, keeping eyes on the teens the whole time, warning them as they sniggered then looked away.

"Don't worry about them Sammy."

_'You're doing it again you ass!! He can't hear! Remember!'_

Sam looked up confused, but Dean smiled and tried to shake it off letting Sam go back to watching and twitching his head towards any movements he felt around him.

"John, I gotta go to the store, I'll see you guys later," Bobby said walking off with no further explanation.

"Where's he going?" Dean asked his dad who had the same confused look.

"Dunno, come on, let's get shopping for the kid."

"Yeah," Dean agreed walking and pulling Sam with him to Target. "How do you think we should go about this? I don't have any paper," Dean moaned asking his father.

"Just, point out things to him I guess," John said picking up a boys medium plaid shirt and holding it out offering it.

But Sam wasn't paying much attention to the clothes, his eyes were on full watch of the other shoppers and how close they were getting to him. Dean saw the frightened look in the kids eye and rubbed a hand up his arm on comfort before letting go to go pick up a shirt he liked the look of and thought would suit his new kid brother. He lifted up a size he thought would fit Sam and smiled holding it out to the kid whose eyes lit up, then looked straight to the floor pretending like he wasn't interested in the shirt. Dean knew what he was doing though, he knew he was acting so he didn't have anything bought, '_well tough'_ he smirked tossing it in the cart his father had got now.

**~S/D~**

Dean was new walking Sam to the changing rooms and John was still searching for any other bits they might have missed. Sam had gotten picky within half an hour, he had learned to pull his nose up at the things he wasn't too keen on and smile at the ones he liked, then smile huge at the ones he really liked.

In the cart now were several t-shirts, jeans, 2 pairs of sneakers, one black pair, on blue. A winter tan winder jacket, matching hat, gloves and scarf. 6 new shirts, some of them similar, some plain dark hues, some plaid and brighter which seemed to reflect how Sam was feeling now, most of the shirts were bright whites, reds or blues, only 2 were the darker colors and the only reason Sam smiled at those were because he liked how he would match with his new big brother.

Dean pushed a smiling Sam into the small changing room, put the new clothes on the little bench in there and closed the curtain.

At first Sam was smiling looking at the huge pile, then he looked at the price label on one of the shirts and almost cried. He hadn't had that much spent on him in years, never mind that much on just one shirt of 6! '_Then there were the pants, and the shoes, and the other things Deans dad was shopping for...I don't deserve any of this!'_

Dean heard soft sniffles from inside the curtain and sighed, what had upset his new baby brother so soon? He was having fun just seconds ago. He poked his head in and hoped the kid was still dressed, after what that demon said he didn't want Sam getting the wrong impression.

When he moved through the fabric curtain he saw Sam holding a shirt ticket with shaking hands.

"Ah Sammy..." he sighed knowing what this was.

He pulled the tag from Sam's hand, letting the shirt fall to the floor and wrapped the kid in a hug rubbing his back hoping to reassure Sam, telling him he was worth all this stuff, but it seemed to be like talking to a brick wall.

"Dean? You boys okay in there?" John asked from outside.

"Yeah, we're good, Sam just got a little upset at the price tag," Dean said smirking at the kid as he pulled back.

"Price tag? Aren't things here like $6.99?"

"Yeah, doesn't that tell you something?" Dean questioned, slightly angry and John twigged.

"Sorry kiddo, listen I got some pads of paper and drawing things here, you wanna tell him something?"

"Yeah," Dean said talking the things he was passed through the curtain that John had obviously found for Sam. Guess he was listening when Dean told him about the picture Sam drew of the Impala.

"**Try these on already dude, "** Dean wrote about the exit but Sam stopped it with a tug on the sleeve.

The miserable kid shook his head looking at his tatty shoes that were 2 sizes too small.

**"Sam you're worth these things okay, we want to buy them for you."**

Sam shook his head again and tried to push past wanting out of the small space that seemed to be getting smaller. Dean stopped him and gave him a warning look that made Sam sit down with a huff.

**"It's not just about you getting these clothes okay, I can't have my new little brother walking around looking like a thriller reject, I have to keep my rep up dude."**

Sam smiled at that, in fact he almost managed a giggle.

Dean hit him playfully on the arm, happy that angle had worked, he picked up some of the fallen clothes, dumped them on Sam's head and went from the room smiling at his success.

_'He doesn't want me making him look bad, I mean...I look bad, look at the state of my clothes, they have holes everywhere, and my hair could fit in one of those bands girls have. I do look like some Michael Jackson thriller reject. Man I look homeless, and these people have given me my first ever home...I guess I owe it to them to not make their family name turn sour...guess I should start trying things on...Dean's funny...'_ Sam though when Dean poked his head back in, wanting Sam to hurry up already. _'He looks like an annoyed floating head.'_

Dean tapped his watch comically then pulled his head back when Sam grinned and pulled his ratty t-shirt off.

**~S/D~**

When Sam had put all the things he wanted in the cart again and John put back the things that were too big, they went in search of some P.J's and other random things he would need on the road.

"Tooth brushes?" John asked pointing to them.

Sam pointed to the blue on and Dean pointed to the red one, also needing some new stuff, as told by John.

John picked up a new green one for himself and frowned when Dean disappeared.

Sam saw Dean was no longer standing with them and he got scared. He shuffled to John and leaned his tense body up against the man. John felt the kid shaking against him to he put a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder silently telling him he was safe.

"Look what I found!" Dean cheered appearing from a few feet away.

Sam pouted, unimpressed with the disappearing act and stormed over to Dean and hit him on the arm then stomping his foot with his hands on his hips.

"What did I do?" Dean whined rubbing his arm.

"I think he was worried about you leaving like that," John explained, he had noticed over the few days at Bobby's, Sam was good at noticing someone in the room even when his back was turned, he was good at feeling them come and go, so Dean vanishing like that made Sam freak obviously, but Dean could be sneaky when he wanted to, it's what made him such an amazing young hunter.

"Sorry," he said sincerely putting an arm over Sam's shoulders. Sam shook him off, not accepting the apology, still mad he left, even if it was for a few seconds. "Dude what did I do? I said I was sorry," Dean whined like a 5 year old.

"Dean stop whining, Sam, lighten up kid," John said ruffling Sam's long hair and smiling at the kid who was relaxing like he was told, unconsciously knowing what John had meant even though he couldn't hear.

"So...you wanna know what I found?" Dean asked sounding super cheesy with a classic grin.

"No but I'm sure you'll tell us anyway," John snorted.

"Angus McKinnon action figure!" Dean cheered holding it up and jumping up and down.

"Huh?" John asked, and Sam looked just as confused but finding it highly amusing Dean was bouncing like a happy puppy.

"Dude! It's AC/DC's school boy!" Dean scolded ashamed at his father for not knowing who it was, the school boy uniform was a huge give away.

"Oooh!!" John gasped, thanking the lord the action figure had its clothes on, the guy was known to strip on stage.

Sam was still confused, and was watching both Winchesters looking at the figure in awe. He started to feel something inside him bubble up and soon he realised it was laughter.

Dean and John were astonished, sure Sam had let out involuntary giggles but he had never laughed out loud like that, he had never been curled over, his face beat red and his eyes sparkling with joy.

But to Sam it was just hysterical that Dean and John, the coolest guys in the world, were amazed and squealing over some old dude in kids school shorts with a guitar in hand, that to Sam was not what he pictured when he imagined rock and roll.

"What's so funny?" Bobby asked out of nowhere making Sam jump into Dean.

"AC/DC action figures!" John exclaimed shoving the figure in Bobby's face.

"Oh lord what has the world come to?" he asked slapping his forehead.

"Dad can we get one?" Dean asked like he was back to 5 again.

"Dean, I know this is cool but...where would we put it?"

"Good point, we need anything else kill joy?"Dean asked dragging his feet as he put the figure back on the shelf.

"I dunno, why don't you and Sam go look round and we'll meet back here in half an hour, I'm sure there's some other things he wants but he's too shy to ask."

"Yeah, okay."

"Here," John said about to hand Dean a card.

"I got it covered dad," Dean protested as he put his arm over Sam's shoulders once again and the boys walked out of the store.

"What do you think that means?" John asked wonder how Dean would buy Sam some things, 'I got it covered' was a little hazy.

"Dunno, might finally be dipping into the Impala stash," Bobby offered.

"Oh yeah, forgot about that...you think he has enough...I mean he was saving that for his prized possession."

"Uh John...that kinda explains how much that kid loves Sam...if he's using his emergency money on the kid."

"Yeah...man, last month if you'd have told me I would have 2 sons, Dean would have a baby brother he would dote on, and we'd be spending a whole day in a mall shopping for him...I would have laughed in your face."

"Yeah...things change, but I think it'll be good for Dean, I mean you and Mary did always want another kid right?"

"Yeah...she uuh...actually looked into fostering and adopting after we found out we couldn't have anymore...you know..." John chocked in a deeper voice, clearly having trouble talking and feeling all these emotions again.

"Well...maybe this is fate."

"I don't believe in fate Bobby."

"Yeah, but Mary did...maybe Dean was meant to save Sam, maybe you're finally fulfilling Mary's dream of helping lost kids."

"Well thank you Oprah, now I'm officially uncomfortable, can we go get a coffee now?" John asked clearing his throat and walking from the shop having paid.

"I'm coming ya mullet rock freak."

"What's in the bag anyway?" John asked being as observant and nosey as usual.

"Books," Bobby stated simply lining up with his hunting friend.

"What, you don't have enough?" John smirked as they walked towards a cafe.

"It's for Dean and Sam ya idjit, not hunting crap."

"What are they?" John asked interested now that it was for his boys.

"ASL books, thought they better start some time seeing as Sam is a Winchester now, I can teach em, got nothing better to do."

"You teach ASL?" John asked sceptically with a smirk too big for Bobby's liking.

"This my friend means shove it in ASL," Bobby said then stuck his middle finger up with a glare.

"I'll take that as a yes, shutting up now."

"Damn straight if you still wanna sleep under my roof."

"Yes ma'am."

After the men got their coffees, had a few more jokes or rather insults, then Bobby began the story of how he learned sign language.

"So your dad was deaf, never knew."

"Ya never even met the old git."

"True...just, the way you talk about him, being a hard ass and his belt, never would have thought."

"Hey, just cos he was deaf doesn't mean he wasn't scary as hell, Sam being deaf...might even be an advantage on a hunt."

"How so?"

"Well...he has eyes like radars, and his special awareness is damn near amazing, I'm not saying he's ready for any hunt, or that he ever will be, just saying he could do you proud, he's not stupid cos he's deaf, he can contribute to the world you know."

"I hear ya, just...gonna take some training and...years of...Bobby do you think he needs therapy?"

"You mean a shrink?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well...you saw what he did to himself back at that motel room, the kids a mess. Dean and I were talking about maybe...getting him some real help, professional help with his hearing and...I dunno, this is all just new and...we'll figure it out, us Winchesters always do."

"I'll give ya that, you guys do have a way making things work, but ya also having a way of screwing things up royally," Bobby joked making his hot drink come out of his nose when he saw the bitch look on Johns face.

"Laugh it up old man, and hurry up, I gotta go buy the boys something."

"What?"

"Surprise."

"Ooh oh is it a Barbie doll and her sparkle pony?" Bobby squealed clapping his hands together and bouncing on his chair as John stood and pretended like he didn't know the man.

"I know it's been your lifelong dream to own one but no princess it's not."

"Says the man that jumped at AD/DC's old school uniform guitarist."

"Bite me."

"Bite him."

"Grow up."

"Make me mullet."

"Hey I had that for one week!" John whined almost stomping his foot.

"One week too long if ya ask me...I still remember that day, Billy Rae wannabe _'don't tell my heart, my ache breaky heart cos I just don't think he'll understand'_...you two could have been twins."

John growled low and went off running for the dead man laughing and singing one the most...no, THE most annoying song in existence!

**~S/D~**

Dean had dragged Sam into an art store and looked around, none of the stuff really caught his eye but he saw Sam gazing at some of the stuff. The things John had picked out were okay, but Dean thought Sam could draw better things than the color in animals himself. The kid might look and act like a little kid but he sure as hell didn't draw like one, he was an artist for sure.

Sam stopped at some things and smiled at them, but walked with Dean when he wandered to the next ails, he didn't want to hold them up anymore, he still felt bad for having all those clothes, his mind had figured out that Dean was using his rep to make him try the clothes on, he wasn't too happy being manipulated but seeing as he was called Deans 'little brother' he really didn't care.

In the end nothing really stood out, _'I liked a few things did I guess but what else do you need to draw besides paper and a pencil?'_ Sam asked himself.

_'Man I hope I'm not dragging Sammy around and not getting him things he wants, I have the money after all,'_ Dean said looking back at the art store they had just left.

When he turned back he saw Sam looking back and forth at a stuffed toy in a shop window, it was a small store, and Dean had never heard of it before but the stuffed floppy eared dog did look pretty cute so he smiled at Sam and they both walked to the store door.

"Good afternoon," a woman said when they got inside.

"Hi," Dean smiled for both he and Sam as they politely made their way to the stuffed toys.

Dean had a good look round at them but Sam's eyes always went back to the one in the window. Dean smiled at how cute Sam was looking as he smiled dimply at it. He picked it up and went to the check out, Sam followed but looked kinda guilty as he twitched his feet.

"Is this a gift?" the woman asked and Dean almost missed it as he poked sympathetically at Sam.

"Uuh...yeah, for my little brother," Dean said smiling at the woman as he nodded to a very uncomfortable Sam.

"Why don't I let your little brother hold onto him and we can skip the bagging," she said smiling and handing Sam the dog.

He looked up, almost as if to say 'I get him?' Dean smiled and nodded, handing the woman some cash and a few coins for the charity cup, then leaving with Sam close to him.

By this point the kid was shattered, he leaned his head lower and lower towards his toes as they walked back to the meeting place they would be seeing Bobby and John at. Dean smiled warmly at himself and pulled Sam's head to his shoulder letting him rest it there as they made their way to the lift. They got a few looks from kids who saw Sam clutch his new dog tightly, a 13 year old holding a stuffed toy so close was weird granted, but Sam could easily pass as a 10 year old with how breakable and fragile he looked, especially in his eyes.

Today was a good day, probably the best day Sam has had ever, well since Dean saved him from those bullies that day, but he still had this hole that wanted to pull him back into the darkness. He was so scared when Dean went away for those few seconds earlier, it's almost like when Dean leaves the light is turned out and Sam is left defenceless and hurt. But he knew he had John as well, so there was still a little light there.

"Whoa, you okay Sam?" Dean asked worried when Sam's knees buckled. "You fall asleep on me there?" he asked with a little smile trying to hide his worry. Sam nodded...lied almost, he didn't fall asleep, his eyes went all dizzy for a second, but it happened all the time, it always has since Sam could remember, it was nothing, it will go away.

"Dean, you boys okay?" John asked as they walked out of the lift, slightly worried at how blank Sam looked.

"Yeah, think he just needs to crash in the back seat," Dean said with a little less worry now as Sam stood on his own feet again.

"Well you got everything?" Bobby asked taking the few bags Dean had.

"Yeah, few movies and stuff, Sammy got a new buddy," Dean smiled looking down at the yawning boy hold the fluffy dog to his cheek.

"We ready to go?" John asked readjusting the bags in his hands but smiling at Sam.

"Yeah. What's that?" Dean asked walking with Sam leaning on him but noticing the rather large box with a handle in John's hand.

"Yours and Sam's new computer."

"What?!" Dean stopped dead in his tracks almost knocking Sam over.

"Well, laptop I guess, thought it might come in handy, for hunts and talking to each other and...you know."

"Dad...t-thanks," Dean grinned still shocked, his dad never really bought him anything, sure he got the Impala but that was probably the last time he had given him something real, and that was almost 2 years ago.

"Come on, let's get back to the car, Sam looks like he's gonna pass out," John said softly.

"Yeah, come on Sammy, you can sleep in the back."

They got to the car, Dean tossed John the keys much to everyone's surprise but John and Bobby soon twigged when Dean got in back and placed Sam's feet over his legs as the kid laid out and closed his eyes.

When they got back to the house Sam was still faking sleep, no one had caught him out yet and he was glad, he didn't want them to catch him smiling when he looked at them chit chatting, like a real family, and he got to be part of this family.

He felt strong hands pick him up and he knew it wasn't Dean's because he couldn't feel the leather on his skin where his old jeans had worn bare. He knew it wasn't Dean, but he felt safe none the less, he knew this person carrying him wouldn't let him fall and wouldn't let anything happen. He snuggled in closer unconsciously and let his mind shut off, he was happy and safe...for now, just for a day, he was happy to be alive...he hoped this feeling would last.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

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	10. The hidden catch

**The hidden catch**

2 week later they had all gone about normal family life with only some small glitches, sure Sam was still having nightmares but it wasn't anything Dean couldn't fix with a few comforting words and the wiping away of scared tears.

The boys were learning ASL well, Dean had picked it up quickly, and Sam was getting there, but something still bugged Dean, he still needed to teach Sam some vital things that weren't in the book.

"Yo Bobby? Where's 'son of a bitch' or 'damn it' in your fancy shmansy book?"

"You learn what milk and eggs is and now you're asking about curse words?"

"Hell yeah, gotta show my little brother how to curse don't I?"

"Winchesters," Bobby sighed shaking his head as he made lunch.

"Fine, I guess we'll make our own up," Dean said in a 'oh no you didn't' fashion.

A few hours later both boys had their own personal code made up, words included 'douche' 'asshole' ''damn it' the classic 'son of a bitch' and Dean's personal favourite, 'fugly'.

All the words were pretty stupid signs, Dean had a great idea of making a fool of himself, 'fugly' was sticking your pinky in your nose, Bobby had no clue what the boys were doing, and why they were picking their nose and licking their fingers and scratching under their armpits, which made it even funner and was a great way to help Dean stay out of trouble for muttering curses behind his father's back, well, while poking your butt was 'douche' to Sam and Dean, it was simply like the boys had an itch in a strange spot to everyone else.

'_Genius,_' Dean smirked to himself.

"Dean, come do your chores!" John yelled from the kitchen.

"I thought guests didn't have chores?!"

"Come take this trash out before I make you do laps round the scrap yard!"

'_**Douche,' **_Dean signed to Sam as he poked his bum making the kid giggle silently.

He was really starting to come out of his shell these past few days. He was eating round the clock, tears barely came once a day now, he was smiling a lot more, he barely flinching when the guys came closer to him and he hadn't hurt himself in a few days which was a huge relief to them all, they still remember the day after the shopping trip like it was yesterday.

**~S/D~**

**10 days earlier... **

Sam stood from the couch following John to the kitchen, Bobby and Dean were out getting lunch so they were left at the house by themselves and Sam did not want to be alone. He needed John or Dean, or even Bobby there just for a little support, just so he could be sure that if he was alone, this all would be a dream and he would be back at his old house getting treated like a slave to that monster that killed the two people he loved the most in the world. He didn't want to be alone and everything go dark, he needed them, just one of them to hold onto him if ever Alice was to drag him back to the black hole.

"Hhmm...no beers, guess that was a bust," John muttered to himself as he closed the fridge. He saw Sam standing there next to the old table looking rather upset and lost. John gave him a look asking him if he was okay. Sam shrugged and looked at the floor, but then snapped his head back up just as fast with a scared look in his eyes as he blinked, making sure John and all this was still here.

John walked to him and patted him on the shoulder telling him he was okay and he was safe before he went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water.

Sam had settled his shaking some and started to breathe again.

"We're back!" Dean yelled walking in the house followed by Bobby who was carrying all the bags.

"Little help," Bobby growled John's way as he struggled to keep all the groceries in hand.

"Times dinner?" Dean asked taking his jacket off and dumping it on the couch.

"6:30."

"We'll be down," Dean stated before tugging on Sam's new shirt sleeve pulling him up the stairs effectively.

"Behave you two," John warned knowing what kids get up to, he was one himself once.

"Yes sir," Dean groaned, _'man I can't even go to my room without an order, he still thinks I'm useless.' _

The boys went to the room they had been sharing and Dean got Sam his art things to keep him entertained while he himself learned more ASL.

He started to read and got out their new laptop and typed something when he saw Sam flick his head to the side blowing his long bangs from his eyes as he drew with one hand and clutched 'Brownie' with his other. Sam had named his new fluffy dog after the mythical elves. At first he didn't get it, the dog was black and white, not brown, but when Dean looked it up he found that brownies are invisible creatures that live with families in houses and assist those who live there. Sometimes a child might catch a glimpse of them but they do not appear to adults. They are considered to be very helpful and a benefit to have around. That was just a testament to how much Sam knew and how smart he was, even with his disability.

Dean typed and found out what he needed, he thought for a few seconds going over the signs in his head carefully, then he prodded Sam who almost jumped out his skin but soon settled, Dean ignored it and went on to lighten the mood.

'_**You need a haircut princess,' **_he signed with a smirk.

Sam wasn't following, he didn't know what Dean was signing and it was making him feel ashamed. Dean caught the look of defeat in Sam's eye so he moved the screen around and showed Sam what he typed in.

Sam understood then, shook his head pouting, trying not to feel or look hurt, then went back pretending to be busy with his paper and pen that had yet to touch.

"**Mop,"** Dean typed in big bold letters on the computer with a smile, hoping he would get Sam to smile, he was having an off day by the looks, and big brother just wanted to make him feel a little better with a few jokes, making fun _was_ how he got Sam to stop crying in the changing rooms yesterday.

Sam smiled a little, it was a fake smile, but he smiled anyway so he wouldn't pull Dean down into his misery.

"_No good for nothing! Ya freak!" _

'_Who was that?!' _Sam's mind screamed as he looked around, searching for whoever was seemingly stalking him.

"**What's wrong?" **Deanasked via the computer, concerned when he saw the look of fear on Sam's face.

Sam shook his head, shrugging after having a good look round and realising it was all in his head.

Dean wasn't totally convinced but nodded anyway, he was trying to give Sam space, he hoped in time the kid would open up more and explain his past clearer, but he would wait while Sam was ready to confide in him.

"_You deserved all of it! No one cares about you! The world doesn't care! You'll die alone...alone...no one can save you...they will all leave you...just like mommy and daddy...they'll all hate you...once they know what a dirty slut you are..."_

'_Deanie I'm scared!'_

It seemed to be a split second between Sam putting pen to paper to Sam looking round frantically with tears streaming down his still bruised cheeks. Dean shot up from the bed with his gun from under the pillow and looked round for the monster that was scaring Sam so.

He had a good luck round, and to be honest, his hunter senses weren't exactly going off; he didn't feel anything in the room, no sulphur smell, no cold spots...nothing, just a very scared Sam on the bed hiding behind Brownie.

"S'okay Sammy," Dean cooed putting his gun back and sitting on the bed closer to the shaking boy.

"_He doesn't want you touching him you whore!"_

Sam shot from the bed at that just as Dean was about to wrap his arms round him. He sprinted to the bathroom and slammed the door then clicked the lock on.

'_He doesn't want me touching him! I'm dirty...I'm dirty...I don't wanna...why? I don't wanna...please...please I don't wanna be dirty!...I didn't mean to...didn't want to...he made me...'_

Sam was pacing the room muttering to himself inside his head. He could feel Dean banging on the door, probably telling him how much he hates him, how much of a weak whore he was, how he wishes he would die and stop ruining his reputation already.

"Sam! Open up! Sam!" Dean ordered banging his fist on the door, scared of where Sam's head was at, scared he would do something stupid again. "Damn it!" he cursed knowing he would have to pay for a new for Bobby.

He kicked hard at the bottom where the wood was weakest and after a loud bang the door sprung open and splints of wood flew in the air as he rushed in the room.

"Sam!" he yelled worried, seeing the kid in the small gap between the sink and the toilet rocking himself, surrounded by clumps of matted brown hair. "Ah Sammy...what did you do?" Dean asked wanting to shoot himself in the foot, he had just called Sam 'Mop' and 2 minutes later he was pulling out his hair and grunting with anger, not even screaming as he yanked on his long strands and pulled them from his scalp brutally.

John heard the crashes and yelling so he ran up the steps as fast as he could, what had got in and hurt his boys?! Well whatever it was, it's going to pay!

"Dean what-?" John was cut off by the sight in front of him.

"Sammy stop, stop!" Dean yelled kneeling down and restraining Sam's hands the best he could.

**~S/D~**

**Now...**

It took both Dean and John an hour to get Sam to stop his struggling, another hour to get him to stop the tears, and then another hour after that to get him from the small gap and back into the bedroom. They wanted to get some sleeping and pain pills in the kid but he refused everything, he wouldn't move, he just curled into the tightest ball you could imagine with Brownie to his chest, not moving, not even blinking. The next day Sam tried his best to do as he was told, he was given strict rules to stay with one of them at all times. Bobby had disabled all the locks in his house just in case, they even hid the knives and scissors and anything else they thought Sam would be able to use as a way to hurt himself.

He had cried sometimes, mostly out of the blue, they would be watching TV or sitting in the kitchen eating and Sam would start crying. Dean would hug him, smile and soon the tears would stop and they went back to what they were doing like the sobs hadn't just happened. It took a few more days to get him to smile but since then Sam had been better, he would look around sometimes like someone was there, snuggle closer to Dean or John, then he would soon calm his breathing and force himself back to the real world and fake a smile.

Dean saw Sam smiling peacefully at Shaggy and Scooby and bushing the hair from his eyes, Dean gave him a playfully gentle ruffle hoping he could make up for treating Sam like he did and starting the whole self punishment thing, the kid would scratch his head where he was thin sometimes and Dean would always swat his hand away telling him to leave the sensitive hair alone, it was pretty cute to see Sam huff and pout.

Sam stood then from the couch then when Dean's hand left his hair. The older one was about to follow but when Sam pointed to himself and then to up showing he was going upstairs Dean let him go alone, they had to get used to trusting the kid sooner or later, if they wanted him to trust them anyway.

Sam dragged his feet up the steps feeling the pull of loneliness and the haunting voice sink in when he reached the bathroom again.

He pressed his hands on the rim of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror, _'I look a mess...but then again when don't I?'_

He pushed his thinner hair from his eyes and bit his lip before taking the scissors from his pocket, they were only small paper scissors from his art set Dean had got him but he wasn't allowed any others, hopefully they would work.

**~S/D~**

"Sam what the hell are you doing?!" John yelled rushing in the bathroom pulling the sharp tool from Sam's small hand.

The kid then looked terrified, lowering his head and crying instantly. He didn't mean to make anyone mad, he just wanted to be cooler, to not make Dean feel embarrassed with his stupid hair he just wanted to make himself look less of like a homeless white trash freak.

"Sam I thought you would know better! Why the hell are you doing this to yourself?!" John yelled angry and worried.

Sam was now sinking to the cold tile floor in shame sobbing into his hands, '_what did I do?...I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm sorry for being dirty....'_

"Sam..." John sighed knowing he shouldn't yell anymore, he crouched down and placing his hands on Sam's trembling shoulders.

Sam's wails got louder and louder breaking John's heart into pieces as he watched the boy break down. He couldn't watch anymore, he couldn't just sit there and watch Sam cry, his new baby boy cry, alone and broken.

He pulled Sam to his chest and ran his hand into Sam's hair hoping not to hit a sore spot, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Sammy, I'm so sorry," he said rocking the boy holding him tight to his heart.

Sam cried, and he sobbed, and he shattered into a million.

"I know buddy, I know," John chanted. But...he didn't know, not really, he had no clue what pain Sam was going through, but he could imagine, and it hurt him that this kid he had grown to love was in pain, and it may never, ever fully go away.

"Dad?" Dean asked in the door way now, looking just as heart wrenched as John.

Sam felt the other person in the room and he leaned into John even more, clinging into his shirt, praying for something, anything

"Dean could you give us a minute," John asked his eldest son, he didn't want Dean to see him like this, he was close to tears himself as he felt Sam's agony.

"Dad-"

"Now Dean," John order in a tone Dean knew not to question so he bite his lip, tried not to kick his foot through the floor and stormed downstairs and out of the house. He ran forward and through cars, passing them like a flash, running to where he used to hide when he was a kid, to the place he felt he could only truly be alone, to the old ice cream truck Bobby had kept here for years. The old guy was the only one to ever find Dean when he hid there, his father still and hopefully never would know it exist, _'maybe one day I'll show Sammy, when dad's not pocketing him that is...I mean, what the hell was that?! "Dean could you give us a minute,"...hello! I'm the one who is responsible for Sam, he was mine to look after and hold when he cries! Who is the one that beat those dicks? Who's the one that holds him on a night when he wakes up from a bad dream? Who's the one that needs a purpose, needs a reason to carry on in this shit ass life and needs a reason to wake up in the morning, ME! And now dad wants Sam because what...he's bored of me? He thinks...knows Sam is better than me? Knows I suck and it should have been me in Sam's place all those years...god...I hate my life!' _

He pulled open the pink and white rusty doors of the truck and climbed in. He pulled himself up on the run down freezer and sat running a hand over his face and back through his cropped hair.

"Look at me, whining about my green-eyed problems when Sam's in there breaking apart, why the hell did you put him in that house for so long? Huh? If you're up there...why aren't you helping the good guys like Sammy huh? What's wrong with you?" he asked out loud looking up at the old dinted roof.

"Dean? What's he done this time?" Bobby asked knocking on the truck he saw Dean run into.

"Nothing Bobby, it's fine," Dean insisted pulling himself together.

"Dean?"

"I said I'm fine!"

"Sure you are," Bobby sighed walking off knowing he wasn't wanted there. He just left Dean to wallow for a bit, he would come back later.

**~S/D~**

"Dean, you're daddy and Sam went out, you think you could come back inside now before you catch pneumonia?"

'Great, is dad taking Sam hunting or something? That's where we always go at this time when he just disappears with me. If he is I'm gonna kill the dick!'

"Dean? Now please," Bobby warned.

"Keep your hair on," Dean mumbled slamming the ice truck door open and jumping down to the wet ground.

"Coffee's on and the fires lit, ya stupid ass being out here all this time, you're gonna freeze."

"Sorry."

"...Don't be, just take better care of yourself for god sake, I swear you and your daddy are too much the same."

"I'm nothing like him."

"Dean you okay son?"

"I'm not your son! Just leave me alone!" Dean yelled walking faster to the house.

**~S/D~**

"We're back!" John shouted as he helped Sam take his coat off.

"John where the hell have you been?"Bobby yelled walking into John's space.

"Sorry mom, wasn't aware we had a curfew."

"Dean's been moping round here all afternoon, what the hell did you say to him this time?!"

"Uuhh...I'll go apologize."

"What. Did. You. Say?" Bobby asked clearly pissed_. _

"I-I didn't want him to see me...I was a mess when I found Sam and...I didn't want my son seeing me cry okay, happy now? I was ashamed to cry in front of my own son!"

"John...just...can't you explain that to Dean?"

"He doesn't have to," Dean piped up from the top of the stairs.

"Dean-" John started.

"Sam?" Dean squeaked when he saw his little brother...new and improved little brother.

"Yeah uh...found out what was bothering him all this time," John said trying to get the mood up a little at his accomplishment, little did he know that Dean would take it as a way of his father telling him he was a crappy bog brother and he couldn't get Sam to open up about anything, and John spends one afternoon with the kid and he has found out what was bothering him for weeks. He tried to ignore it and just smiled at Sam proud.

"Not bad Sammy, not bad," he smirked looking at Sam's new do, it was still messy and long, but it was a hell of a lot shorter and tamer.

Sam smiled and blushed, happy and slightly shy at the same time with all the eyes on him.

"The kid was self conscious about his looks, with you two around? Really?" Bobby joked.

"Haha, you should see how hard I'm laughing on the inside," John pouted but couldn't help smiling when he looked at how much happier Sam looked now as Dean ruffled his newly trimmed hair.

"Could you elaborate on the 'what was bothering him?'" Dean asked a little cold towards his father.

"Kid thought he was making you look bad, he thinks you're cool and didn't wanna ruin your vibe so he tried pulling an Edward scissor hand on himself, on more than one occasion s we know."

"Sammy," Dean sighed but couldn't help smiling either when he saw the boys dimples.

"You boys go upstairs and watch some TV," John suggested in a light tone that made Dean frown in confusion, '_he never tells me to do something just for fun, he never tells me to chill and watch TV, I always have to train if I have free time like this...who is and what has he done with the real John Winchester?'_

"Okay, come on Sammy, you got some explaining to do," Dean told mostly himself as he prodded Sam to the steps and to their room.

Dean really hoped Sam would open up, I mean he did with his dad so why not him? _'Unless Sam trusts me about as much as dad does.' _

Dean was pulled from his thoughts by a tug on his arm, it was Sam and he looked pretty eager to watch some movies. Dean thought it was amazing that Sam still took a great enjoyment from watching things, even though he couldn't hear, the kid must have some imagination because he always smiles at the jokes in the subtitles.

"Alright I'm coming," Dean smirked switching the TV on in their room.

"_Frank Daniels was found dead in his home just days ago, police have reported his death was caused by a dog mauling, the presumed wild animal had bite clean through his arterial vessel in his left thigh causing him to bleed out. Police are still looking for his wife Alive Daniels and their 3 sons, Tony, Kyle and Samuel. If you have any details on their whereabouts please call in."_

'Oh crap!'

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

*****NEWS!!***NEWS!!***NEWS!!*****

**Right just to let you guys know I am doing a sequel, with Sam and Dean (only/mostly) I think, does that change your poll answer? Most of you voted on having Sam's ears fixed, does the sequel change? I.E. am I doing the sequel with Sam hearing perfect? **

**Oh and one more thing, THANK YOU FOR VOTING!! WOW!!!! LOVES YA!! MADE MY WEEKKK!! :D HOW MANY PEOPLE READ THIS!?! WOW I'M HONORED!!!!**


	11. See you there, Hanging Weightless

**See you there, Hanging Weightless **

"_Frank Daniels was found dead in his home just days ago, police have reported his death was caused by a dog mauling, the presumed wild animal had bite clean through his arterial vessel in his left thigh causing him to bleed out. Police are still looking for his wife Alive Daniels and their 3 sons, Tony, Kyle and Samuel. If you have any details on their whereabouts please call in."_

_'Oh god...he's dead...he was dead! I thought they were dead!'_

"Sammy, Sammy it's okay, just breathe, Sam. Breathe," Dean chanted slow so Sam could read his lips and he searched his brain for the sign for 'breathe.'

Sam was shaking and hyperventilating by this point, he couldn't see right and that just made things worse.

Dean could see Sam's fear as he lost his vision with the tears so he quickly placed his hands on either side of Sam's face and forced the kid to look at him. He pushed the newly cut hair from Sam's eyes and repeated the rhythmic motion as he saw it was calming Sam.

"That's it Sammy, good job buddy," Dean praised as he cupped Sam's neck and ran his hand through his locks.

Sam was starting to breathe normally and when another dizzy spell hit he sagged onto Dean and hoped it ended before Dean noticed.

"Sam?" Dean asked getting worried, he was expecting some tears and a hug, not Sam almost passing out on him.

When he didn't pull back or even start to wail in misery Dean grew even more worried so he pushed Sam up off him and looked at him, really looked.

"Sam look at me buddy," Dean gently ordered slow for the kids sake. His eyes seemed to be swimming and weren't focussed on anything, that scared Dean more than any cuts and bruises would. Sam had the same pale sick tinge he did when the demon was doing something to him and that was terrifying. "Dad! Bobby!" he yelled trying to sound more casual and less freaked out so it wouldn't scare Sam who was still lolling his head.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Bobby asked coming down the hall and to his guest room.

"Sammy ah...Sammy's not looking so good," Dean bit his lip as Sam began to come back.

Bobby walked round to Sam and began to check him over. He looked in the boys eyes, peeling back his bottom lids to have a good look. He felt his forehead for any temperature but found none, then went to feel his pulse.

"Well his heart rates a mile a minute but otherwise he's okay I think."

"You sure, cos he just looked like he was gonna pass out...again."

"This has happened before?" Bobby questioned.

"Yeah...when the demon ah...and in the mall...and I've seen him turn like he's dizzy sometimes too...you think that demon did something to him?"

"Ah...no, no it's probably nothing, my daddy used to get dizzy spells sometimes, it was nothing, just pare for the course of hearing problems."

"You sure?" Dean asked still worried.

"Yeah, just look out for him and he'll be fine Dean, just keep doing what you're doing kid."

"Bobby...I suck at this," Dean whispered, he still had hold of Sam who didn't seem to mind, but he couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Suck at what?" Bobby asked softly, know how Dean always puts himself down, he could have a perfect day, a perfect hunt, and the kid would always beat himself up about something he could find.

"This brother stuff, and dad...Sam was shit scared of him not 2 weeks ago, and now those two are best buddies and I-"

"You what?"

"I just feel useless, like dad...like he gave me this job, this purpose and to be honest, I don't even think Sam needs me, he needs dad...not me, and I just suck at it."

"Dean, you don't suck, just take a good look at this kid, he's in your arms Dean, and he looks pretty darn happy to be there, look at him, he's happy he has you, sure he needs a dad as well, but I'm sure he doesn't rate your daddy over you just cos he confided in him earlier, just chill Dean, you're doing great."

"But-"

"No buts, just answer the kid already," Bobby said nodding to Sam who was tugging on Dean's collar.

Dean smiled and gave him a questionable look silently asking the kid what he needed.

Sam then went on the elaborate by signing to Dean that he wanted to go to sleep.

"Kay Sammy," Dean smiled letting go of Sam so he could climb under the covers with Brownie. _**'Night.'**_

'_**Night,'**_ Sam repeated with his hands as he closed his eyes and snuggled into the pillow, he had a killer head ache from the dizzy spell and he just wanted to sleep it off so he wouldn't have to bother them anymore with his hurts, _'they must be sick of patching me up.' _

**~S/D~**

Dean had waited with Sam till he was sure the kid had fallen asleep. Then he went down stairs to get himself some food before he helped Bobby and his dad outside, they were fixing a Chevy today.

'_I have to teach Sam about all this soon, he is gonna love it!'_

"Dean could you pass me that wrench?" Bobby asked holding out his hand for it.

"Sure."

"Thanks," Bobby nodded taking the tool.

"So Dean...you okay son?" John asked coming out from under the car, he meant it to come out like a casual questioned but unfortunately it came out more direct than he could have imagined when he went over the conversation in his head, it was just supposed to be a quick, 'you okay?' 'Yeah I'm good.' So much for that plan.

"Why do you ask?" Dean asked back knowing full well what his father was so discreetly referring to but thought he would wind him up none the less.

"Well uh...this morning you were pretty pissed at me, and I get it...I just wondered if you were..."

"Still pissed?" Dean asked sarcastically getting a look from Bobby, but he couldn't help it, his father was being an ass, after everything he has done to try and prove himself, John Winchester still holds something over his head like he has done something to make his father doubtful of him _'what the hell have I done?! I have given everything! Everything! I have! to that dick and still he looks down at his nose at me like I'm a disappointment...what do I have to do?!' _

"Dean, I didn't mean to make you upset, I just thought Sam needed some time to cry and he can't do that if he has an audience."

"Well why couldn't you just pass him over to one that's meant to be looking after him and leave the room?! Then he wouldn't have an audience!"

"Dean watch the attitude!"

"Screw you!"

"Guys would you-"

"You know what Dean, I'm sick of this sarcasm and attitude problem you have! 'Why me!'," he mocked. "Would you just take a look at Sam for a second and realise you have it perfect compared to him! You got a father! One that would do anything for you! And you still toss it in my face! Don't you think Sam would give anything to have had that?! And yet you still think about yourself!"

"Guys-"

"I hate you! I never wanted this! What the FUCK do I have to do to get your respect huh?! You think I'm the selfish one?! I'm not the one who is so driven and blinded by a fucking hunt that it almost gets my own flesh and blood torn to pieces every day of the week!"

"Guys!"

_**CRAS H!**_

_**THUMP!**_

_**BANG! **_

"Sammy!" Dean yelled running to the house as fast as his legs would carry him. _'Please let that be just another fugly lap that's fallen! Please...'_

**~S/D~**

Sam woke from his nap not long after and turned with a smile towards where he knew Dean was and always was.

'_Deanie?'_ he asked no one as he looked around the room, he didn't see Dean next to him, _'where was Dean?...please let this be real...please...I don't wanna go back there...please...'_

He stood and held his head as the pounding made itself known.

He crossed his toes praying Dean was just outside the door, he really hoped Dean was outside the door_, 'it will be like he's my guarder at the door.' _

He clutched Brownie to his chest and opened the door feeling the creek in his fingers.

He looked round, there was no Dean, he couldn't feel anyone near or even in the living room, where was Dean? _'I knew this was too good to be true...they all know how dirty I am and they've left me...just like he said they would...Deanie I'm scared!!!.__'_

"_Aww baby gonna cry? Sammy gonna cry? Dirty Sammy shedding tears?...you pathetic whore!"_

'_DDDEEEAAANNIIIEEE!!!'_

When his mind screamed he felt the dizziness come back, he swayed and tried to hold onto something...then realised he was all alone, he would be better off falling into the dark...'_no one would miss me...no one cares...I just want it to end...please...I know I'm going to hell...please let me go now...please...I've had enough...please...'_

He let himself fall, he closed his eyes and waited for the pain to stop. But all he felt was more pain as his hip, his ribs, his wrist, his legs, and his head pounded on the hard wooden steps as he fell down them.

'_LEEEAAVVEE MEEE AAALLOONEEE!! PPLLEEAASEEE!! I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHINGGGG!! PLLLEEAASSEE'_ he sobbed as he heard a snap and he cried out as he came to hard thumping stop.

"Sammy?! Oh god...SAM!!" Dean yelled when he was crashed into by Sam falling and stopping at the bottom of the stairs and rolling towards his feet.

He knelt down trying to blink back the tears as he saw the kid whimper and role his head.

"Sammy stay awake! Sam! Stay with me! SSAMMYY!!" he yelled when the boy closed his eyes and went limp on the floor. "Dad! Do something! DAD!" Dean cried forgetting all the harsh words he said not minutes ago, he needed his dads help! He needed his dad to tell him Sam would be fine!

"Dean move out son, please," John asked gently needing to check Sam over.

Dean did as he was told and shuffled back on the floor to give his father some space.

"Ah man, he's broke his right wrist that's for sure, but he's okay, Dean start the car, he needs a doctor now," John ordered as he gathered the young broken boy in his arms and lifted holding him close.

Dean sprinted to his car and started the engine before climbing in back ready as his father passed him Sam. Bobby had gotten in the driver's seat waiting to set off.

"Keep his neck still, I don't know if he's done any spine damage," John warned before closing the door and climbing to shot gun as Bobby drove off with a great skid that Dean would beat him for messing up his tires, but he couldn't care less about that right now.

"Dad, Dad he's waking up! What do I do?" Dean asked frantically.

"Dean stay calm, you're not gonna be helping Sam if you have a panic attack, I know you're scared but just take a deep breath, calm Sam down and keep him as still as possible," John told his eldest son who looked so innocent and scared right now.

"Sshh, s'okay Sammy, it's okay, just relax, I gotcha, I gotcha kiddo, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, I gotcha," Dean chanted as Sam looked up with glassy eyes before he succumbed to the darkness again.

**~S/D~**

The next few hours of the night were a blur to them all, from John yelling 'help!' as he ran through the ER doors all the way to the doctor telling them Sam was out of surgery. Bobby had met up with one of his old friends who happened to owe Bobby a favour. He got all the details, told all his staff to just get to work and not worry about the fine print, such as scars they might find on Sam, or how he came about and where the yet unprocessed adoption papers were. It was a good job he was the head surgeon meaning he could order anything and they listened without question_. _

"Is he okay?" Dean asked first before anyone else could.

"He's gonna be just fine. He broke 2 ribs when he collided with the steps, one of them punctured his right lung so we've re-inflated it and put a chest tube in. He has deep bruises over most of his body which isn't uncommon in cases like this. He twisted his ankle but it looks like it was twisted not long ago so that might cause him to be on crutches for a few week. He has a nasty hit to head but no concussion from what I can see on the MRI. His left wrist has been re-set and casted, but it's a pretty unusual break, normally we would see the type than ran up the arm when a person tries to break their fall by putting their hands out. He is one of the lucky ones though, most falls down the stairs cause patients to shatter their bones upward but Sam never put his hands out so he never did that, he just broke his radius horizontally, but like I said it is unusual."

"What about...is he gonna be okay?"

"He's gonna be fine Dean, it might be a long recovery, mentally more than physically but I'm sure you guys will get him there."

"Thanks doc, can we see him?" John asked seeing his son too shocked to ask.

"Sure, I'll send a nurse to come and get you when he's settled on the ward."

"T-thank you," Dean managed to get out.

"All in a day's work."

"Hey doc...when you ran the head tests for his concussion...did you find out why Sam's deaf?"

"Ah, in fact I did, there was no brain damage which means the deafness and problem with that is located in the ears. When I looked in there I found quite a bit of scar tissue and damaged nerves, it's most likely that when he was in the crash the trauma from the hit of the truck caused this damage. Now from what I can see, it could have been rectified."

"You mean, if they went in and fixed the nerves...he would be able to hear?" Dean chocked.

"It's not a perfect certainty but I'm pretty sure the surgeons at the time could have saved a good percentage of his hearing."

"C-can you fix it now?"

"Most likely, 99.99%, its a no, with all the scar tissue it's a bigger risk of causing him more dizzy spells and more headaches than he has now, than actually getting even a small percentage of his hearing back, I am sorry."

"So those...those assholes all those years ago could have done one little thing and it would have saved Sam from all the pain and shit he has now..."

"Dean, I know you're upset, but we need to concentrate on Sam now okay," John piped up.

"What am I being selfish again?!"

"Dean...watch it, you're in a hospital, they're gonna kick us out."

"Can we...can we just go see Sammy," Dean sighed, he was too tired and worried and scared and stressed to fight right now.

"Come on, I'll show you," the doc said kindly forgetting about his other duties, he has known the hunters for quite some years and he has never seen Dean this distraught over anyone.

They walked to a set of lifts, went down some corridors and finally they reached Sam's room.

"Sammy?" Dean whispered when he walked in the room first.

Sam was a shocking tone of gray white, his hair was drooping and lifeless, his eyes shut and body still and limper than it ever should be, Sam was always rigid and clinging to something in his sleep, whether it be Dean or Brownie, Sam was too still, just too motionless.

"He'll be asleep for at least a few more hours, when he wakes up he'll be groggy but just try to keep him calm and press the call button when you know he's awake."

"Yeah, thanks again doc, we really owe ya," John said shaking the man's hand.

"Nar, was nothing, like I said, all in a day's work."

Bobby and John nodded another thanks, as did Dean who was now walking to the bed and grasping Sam's small cold hand in his own.

"You got another blanket?" Dean whispered as he moved the hair from Sam's cold forehead.

"Yeah, in the cupboard, just ring the buzzer if you need anything."

"Thanks."

John went round the bed to the draw the doc pointed to and got the extra blanket, before laying it over Sam. Dean tucked him in carefully then went back to holding the boys hand and watching for him to wake up.

**~S/D~**

At 5am Sam began to twitch. His head rolled to the side and his eyes went tense.

"Come on Sammy, come on you can do it," Dean chanted mostly to himself. Bobby and his dad had woke up not long ago and went for coffee, Dean had been up all night watching and waiting till Sam was ready, and now he was, it seemed to come too quickly for Dean, he had already wrote his first words, but now...he was unsure of how it sounded. Maybe if Sam would just open his eyes and it would all make sense.

Sam whimpered and flinched at first, he eyes glassy and unfocused. He didn't want to be here, he wanted it to end, and he was pretty sure he wasn't in heaven, sure it was white, and bright, but this hurt too much to be heaven.

"Sammy, Sammy come on," Dean prodded rubbing his thumb in circles on Sam's still chilly uninjured hand.

Sam managed to blink a few times, before he saw it was Dean looking down at him, he looked scared, he looked worried, he looked sad _'for me?...no...he can't be you stupid...I'm too dirty to be worried for.'_

Dean picked up his pre-written note with very big letters on,** "Sam, what happened on the stairs?"**

Sam shrugged so Dean resisted the urge to scream in frustration as he turned his already written on paper over.

"**Sammy the doctors say it looks like you fell on purpose, it looks like you didn't even try to stop yourself from falling. Tell me the truth Sam, are they right?" **

Sam couldn't think after that, he knows Dean hates him for being weak, he should be a man like him, not a weak ass that wanted to die, to give up, and that just made Sam want to end it all the more. He turned his face to the wall and started the silent water works, unable to look at Dean while he cried in self pity.

"Sam," Dean sighed cupping Sam's cheek an trying to make the boy look at him, only he felt his hand have more moisture than he ever thought was possible to get from eyes he just couldn't force Sam to do something he wasn't ready for. "It's okay Sammy, it's gonna be okay."

Tears ran in a constant stream from Sam's lids with no rest what so ever, he wasn't making any noises, he was just crying rivers on mute.

"I hear our patient is awake," the doc said at the door.

"Yeah, can uuh...he's crying, is that like a side effect of the drugs or something?"

"No," the doc said confused going to look over his patient.

"He...he won't stop crying," Dean chocked out as he watched Sam turn his head even more when he felt a stranger come closer.

"Dean I think it might be best if we get a psychiatrist to look Sam over, I'm not comfortable with releasing him without getting a psyche evaluation."

"Yeah...okay."

"Dean could you try and calm him down, his blood pressure and heart rate are way too high."

"I-I...Sammy...Sammy. Look. At. Me. It's okay. You're okay," Dean nodded talking slow and enunciating a whole lot.

Sam wouldn't calm, in fact he seemed to get more worked up as the doc came closer and tried to examine him.

"Dean, I'm sorry," the guy in scrubs said pushing some medication into Sam's IV bag.

"What happened?" John asked frantic when he was Sam shaking, almost convulsing on the bed with Dean over him and the doc way too close for Sam's liking.

"He...he woke up and he won't stop crying, he just won't stop...it's not right," Dean cried watching Sam's lids droop until he was back in the land of the unconscious.

"He'll be okay Dean."

"How? How can anyone be okay after this? You were right, I'm a selfish asshole and don't deserve you, he does," John stared at his son in shock, he never meant those harsh words, never, he knows he makes mistakes and Dean shouldn't have to live with them, but he does, and he works hard at hunting, even though he hates it, John knows he was the one in the one, so why was Dean listening to him now? _'of all the things I've said to him, why does he listen to the negative things and then think I'm right?'_

"Dean no-"

"I can't look after Sammy dad, I'm not you, I wish I was but...I can't handle things like this, I can't watch him hurting."

"Dean, you think I can?"

"You're stronger than me, you know, I know, Sam knows it, I suck and I can't hold myself together."

"Dean-"

"I'm going for a soda," Dean mumbled leaving the room needing some space.

**~S/D~**

"It's okay Sammy, just let it out," Dean coached as Sam puked the contents of his lunch and other meals up.

He woke up about half an hour ago, the medication and the shock and all the day's events had made him sick and he hated it, it pulled on his tube and it ribbed apart his hurting ribs. The pain the heaves were putting on his injuries plus the feeling of being sick was one of the most painful memories he could remember.

Dean was holding him upright as the bile rose and he had a hand rubbing soothing circles on Sam's trembling back. John was holding the dish under his chin and Bobby had gone back to his house to get some overnight things, he had been given strict orders to remember Brownie.

Once Sam was done they carefully laid him back against the pillows and let him some more. He had yet to make eye contact with either of them and besides the gips he was still on mute.

"Let me take that for you," a nurse smiled taking the dish from John.

"Thanks, is the uh...doc coming soon?"

"Dr. Connolly should be here soon," she assured. Sam's surgeon had scheduled the psyche evaluation with a Dr. Connolly and she was coming any minute if John's watch was right. They had told Sam, in between one of the puking marathons they had managed to let him know, he didn't seem too happy about it, he was keeping a blank face when they told him but Dean could tell he was just trying to cover up the insane fear.

John nodded and she smiled, she knew it was hard on families, cases like this were always hard, she knew Sam had been abused in the past, nothing about that was in his file but she could tell, after all, she was abused herself, and knows how hard it is to stop harming yourself and blaming yourself. She had this voice in her head that always told her she was to blame and she deserved it, mostly it was the voice of her step father but sometimes, on the really scary nights it would be her mother's voice telling her she would never help and she's a liar and she deserves the punishments for being such a stealer and a skank.

"Just ask if you need anything," she said softly when she brought herself out of her memories.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure," she nodded then patted Sam on the hand and left.

"She's nice," John stated, sure the other nurses were nice, but she just had something he couldn't put his finger on, it was just something that seemed like she understood just that little bit more.

"Yeah, hot too," Dean joked making John snort.

"Always the gentleman."

"Yup, so when's this doc getting here?"

"Now a good time?" John asked pointing to the woman in a smart purple shirt and black trousers. Her hair was pinned back off her face and her smile was gentle and kind, not to mention, '_she's hot!'_

"Hello, I'm Dr-"

"Connolly, yeah we uuuhh...know, this is Sammy," Dean said trying to look older than he was. She laughed at him and his confidence then walked closer to the bed to see her new patient.

"How does this normally work, I was told he doesn't know sign language."

"We're uh, learning right now, uuh, mostly we write to each other."

"Okay then, good job I brought my clip board," she smiled, then saw how traumatised the young Sam on the bed was, he was trying to ignore her, like she wasn't there, but she could tell that was just a defence mechanism for being so scared.

"Sammy," Dean said cupping the kids cheek to get his attention telling him the doctor was here.

"Okay, now the hard part, I know this is going to be really difficult but I need you guys to give me and Sam 5 minutes alone, that way I can get a better assessment on his mental state."

"He's not nuts! He's just had a hard time okay!" Dean yelled appalled at the woman now.

"I know that, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you can come right back but I need to assess him alone okay, please, this only gets harder the more you persist, just step out, I promise I'm not going to harm Sam in any way."

"No, I'm not leaving him, I promised him I'd be here and wouldn't leave, I'm not going."

"Dean, son just come, we're coming right back, Sam will know okay."

"No! No..." he whispered last.

"Dean, either come out with me now or when Bobby gets here we're going to drag your ass kicking and screaming from this room."

"And how will that help Sam?!"

"Exactly, just come on, the more worked up you get the more Sam will, please son, it's not to punish anyone, this lady is trying to help."

"Fine...could you hand me that pen," John passed Dean the pen and he began to write, hoping Sam would just stay as still as he was now.

Sam was made to look at the paper, he read like he wasn't, trying to just give up already...then his brain recognised the words.

Sam shook his head frantically and clung onto to Dean for dear life, he didn't want him to go, he needed Dean! He needed safety! Sure he was fed up, sure he wanted to die, but he didn't want to die alone and hurting! He had no clue what this woman would do, he didn't trust her. _'I WANT DEANIEE AND MY DADDYYY!!!' _

"Sammy Sammy its okay, it's okay, nothing bad is gonna happen , shh, sshh Sammy, come on don't cry, don't cry Sammy, it's okay," Dean cooed cocooning Sam from the world as the boy sobbed and wailed loud.

Sam wouldn't let go, he dug his nails in Dean's skin and wasn't planning on pulling them out anytime soon, then he saw John walking as if to pull Dean from him so he pulled his other hand up that weighted a ton and latched onto John's shirt with the small fingers that hung out of the large cast.

"Now look what ya did!" Dean scolded the doctor as Sam begun to hyperventilate.

"Okay, just calm him down, can you do that?" the doctor asked professionally.

"Sammy, Sammy breathe...ssshh, sshhh, don't cry, come on you're safe, we gotcha, ssshh," Dean knew Sam couldn't hear him, he could feel him talking but he couldn't hear, though he hoped Sam would be able to sense what he was saying.

Sam wouldn't stop, he had stopped the panic attack but he was still wailing and sobbing into his family.

"Sshh, sshh Sammy," Dean whispered as he kicked his boots off and slowly, without letting go of Sam for one second he pulled the covers back and climbed into bed and pulled Sam to him and let the kid cry it all out. "Sshh, I gotcha, don't cry Sammy, I'm here."

The doctor had no choice but to make this her examination, she wrote down all of what Sam was doing and how Dean was helping him. She sat patiently at the far end of the room with her clip board and tried to prove to Sam she wasn't going to hurt him.

Hours later, or at least that's what it seemed, Sam was settled, he wasn't as dead looking as before which was a relief, but he still wouldn't try anything, he barely lifted his own head up.

"_Pathetic looser...and look at them, you get more love sucking my dick..."_

'_Dean...he's here again!'_

"Sam, Sam it's okay. You. Are. Safe."

Dean had his hands on either sides of Sam's face again, he saw the look of fear when the doctor approached again and he wanted to calm him before he freaked again.

Sam nodded and ignored the voice in his head, _'it won't go away if I keep listening to him.'_

"_I'm never going away Sammy..."_ the voice chuckled and Sam knew it was his mind playing tricks again.

Dean adjusted Sam next to him and made sure the kid was well comforted and protected as the doc sat down and smiled wanting to start her assessment.

Sam was shaking but did well in hiding it, Dean could feel every tiny tremor but the others were well fooled.

Dr. Connolly smiled, got her paper out and nodded as she was ready to start, and so was everyone else.

"Go ahead, he's good now," Dean said to the woman and then she began.

"**Sam, answer these questions okay."**

Sam nodded looking at Dean and the paper only.

"**Did you fall down the stairs?"**

Sam nodded, and there was no hesitation so Dean knew he was telling the truth.

"**Did you try to stop your fall when you knew you were going to get hurt falling?"**

Sam read, his eyes stung with tears and he shook his head in shame.

"**Sam did you want to hurt yourself when you fell?"**

Sam shook his head again, he didn't want to hurt himself, the whole point of not stopping his fall was so it wouldn't hurt.

"**Sam did you feel like you wanted to end it?"**

Sam couldn't nod, he couldn't shake his head, he couldn't move, he just cried and the doctor took that as a yes.

"**Sam why did you want to end it?"**

The doctor tried to push some paper in Sam's good hand but he wouldn't take it till Dean was the one holding it.

"**Sam just tell me, just pretend you're only talking to me."**

Sam nodded, he could do that, that was easy...ish.

He took the pen with a shaking hand as Dean held the paper for him.

"**It hurts, it always hurts, it never stops, just wanted it to stop."**

"...Sammy...ah man," Dean chocked trying to keep his own tears at bay. "Shh, I know, I know buddy, it's hard I know."

Sam cried into Dean chest for the hundredth time and tried to act like Dean was the only one in the room and he was alone and allowed to cry.

"That's all I need for now, thanks guys, I'll be back in a little while."

Dean nodded and John nodded at he ran a hand in the crying boys hair and cupping the back of his neck as his hand moved down.

"Sshh Sammy, sshh, gotcha, big brothers gotcha."

Later Sam had cried himself to sleep in Dean's arms who was now also snoring away. Bobby had returned with for a few minutes with Sam's things, John snuggled Brownie in between the boys and soon fell to sleep in the chair himself after his old friend had left stating he would be back tomorrow morning.

Sam's doc had come back, she saw all three boys sleeping and couldn't with all her heart bring herself to wake them. She needed to tell them the plan to get Sam better but she decided to do it later. She almost woke John when she opened the door so on her way back out she let all the nurses know not to disturb them and page Sam's surgeon telling him he should do his rounds later.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Am I like, bumming you guys out enough? Haha.**

**and thank you sooooo much! wow 43 votes on my poll!! and 147 reviews in 10 chapters, and roughly 500 hits per chapter...*takes a moment to have a heart attack*...erm...THANK YOU!!!!!! :D**


	12. I'm medicated, how are you?

**I have managed to not die from my heart attack, new spn premire will do that to you, I'm sure you all know. Well, that was one of the most amazing things in history, and all history, not just Supernatural, I have ever seen!! wasn't it just...how'd you say?...FREAKING AMAZING!!!!**

* * *

**I'm medicated, how are you?**

"**Sammy, that mental doc is coming again today, she wants to talk about how to get you happy again okay."**

Sam shook his head frantically, what if he said something stupid about Frank and Alice and how his parents died and he gets taken away, he knew people like her had that kind of power and that was terrifying.

"**I thought you'd say that, but she's a good guy okay, would we really let anyone in here that we thought might hurt you?"**

Sam hesitated much to Dean's saddened shock, but shook his head anyway soon after he thought.

"_**Good,"**_ Dean praised with a smile as he signed then patted the boy on the shoulder as praise for knowing what he said.

'_When Sammy get's out of here, the first thing we're doing is learning this ASL through and through!'_

**~S/D~**

30 minutes later Sam was fast on, he was really scared of this woman so he hoped is he was asleep then Dean would care enough to leave him there and then the woman would be gone by the time he woke up.

"Right, I want to make it absolutely crystal clear, that you should in no way, no matter what, keep reminding Sam of what he tried to do. It's not a way to punish him, and I want to make that. The pain he carries and his self harm and suicide attempts are not a way to punish Sam. If he in the future is angry or he does something wrong, just something a kid would do, using this is not a way to punish him okay, never, you never bring this up again understand, if he wants to talk about it, then that is up to him, just make sure you tell him he can talk to you about it."

"Wh...who the hell would do that? I mean yeah if I'm Sam does something stupid like crash my car then he would get grounded for life but...who the hell would use their kids pain as a way of punishing them?" Dean asked shocked and disgusted at the very thought.

"You'd be surprised," she said sickened herself.

"What's next then?" John asked trying to move on.

"Okay, the medication I'm starting Sam on is called Prozac, he'll take one 10mg tablet a day and after a few week if you don't see any improvement then we'll alter the dose or change him to another medication."

"Don't antidepressants make things worse? I mean what if he tried to kill himself with them?" Dean asked worried.

"Well that is where you come in, you will have to monitor him closely-"

"What and you think we just let him run around carrying knives or something now?"

"Dean I don't think that's what she meant."

"I apologize, I didn't mean to be offensive, I'm just telling you what you have to do to make sure Sam doesn't overdose, or feel the need to take more than he should. It's important that you lock these pills away, somewhere high where he won't be tempted to take more. Also, I'd like to get him to come to my solo one on one session once a week-"

"Hell no," John butted in, even before Dean could.

"Sir-"

"No, if Sam wants to talk, then he can come to us, you saw how he was when you wanted us to leave, can you imagine what one on one time with a total stranger will do, no way, he can have one on one with us two, not some shrink that thinks sitting on a couch and taking a few pills will make things better."

John was getting angry now, when Mary died, sure he thought about taking something, all his friends told him to go see someone, but he always told them all he needed was his son to be safe, all the rest he could deal with on his own, he never needed some quack so Sam wouldn't either.

"I understand-"

"No you don't, that's the problem, me and my...me and Dean understand Sam, or we can try to use our own crap to relate, you just come out and say it like you've lived it."

"Mr. Win-"

"Well have you then? Have you been through the hell Sam has? Or Dean has? Anything bad happen at all in your life, besides I dunno, grandma dying or something?"

"Well not exactly but-"

"Well then, so no, he'll take the pills, we'll get him better and do what this family does best."

"And that is?" she wasn't trying to be rude, she was just doing her job.

"Kick ass," he smirked.

"If that's what you wish then I'll respect your decision, but if at any time you want to reconsider, you know where to find me."

"Thanks for the offer but like I said, no way in hell, no offence."

"None taken," Dr. Connolly smiled and respected them for their strength. She had been doing this for many years and never had she seen so much courage in one small, 2 person family, she wondered what this man and his son had been through to be such a solid pair.

"Dr. Connolly, nice to see you, are you done in here?" Sam surgeon asked rubbing anti bacterial gel between his hands as he approached the bed Sam was sleeping on.

"Morning Dr. Smith. Yeah I'm done, we've settled on Prozac and home therapy," she told him smiling and standing ready to leave.

"Huh, saying no to shrinks, shocker for John Winchester," the guy smirked as he read over Sam's chart.

"Well I'll see you later guys, I hope to see you before Sam gets released."

She left so Dean and John turned their attention to Dr. Smith for news on Sam's health.

"Well, shall we wake Sam and see how he's feeling today?" he asked jolly but not too cheesy for them, he knew how hunters could be.

"Sure, just...make sure you don't come too close or he'll freak again," Dean told him and he stood back as Dean went to wake the boy. "Sammy, rise and shine," Dean coached as he moved the hair from Sam's forehead and woke him gently.

Sam rolled his head towards the hand and showed a small peaceful smile before opening his eyes. He blinked the wetter away that was still left from last night and looked round with his raw sore eyes squinting when the bright lights hurt.

"I'll get it," John said closing the blinds getting rid of the suns beams as the doc closed the door shutting out the light from the hallway.

Sam was able to open his lids then when he didn't feel the sting of daylight anymore.

Dean was the first smile he saw, then Johns, then the doctors, they were all smiling at him and he was a little confused.

He gave a look of questioning.

"_**Afternoon,"**_ Dean signed and hoped Sam remembered.

Sam picked his hands up and started to sign back, then he found a problem.

All 3 of the guys let out chuckles as Sam pouted at his casted hand.

Sam was seeming much happier today, he had the family he always wished for round him and he knew he wasn't alone. But he was still scared of the doctor that wanted to touch him.

Once they had settled him and told him the doc wouldn't try anything he allowed the man to come closer.

"Alright, I just need to feel his stomach so could you help him move down the bed so he's flat."

"Yeah, Sammy ah..." Dean waved Sam and told him to go down the bed as he moved the pillow out of the way and Sam was flat. It was strange being this horizontal and it wasn't helping his headache but he tried to hide it and just concentrate on Dean and John.

"This might hurt a little so...you wanna warn him?" the doc asked Dean, wincing as he came closer and pulled back the sheets feeling Sam flinch already.

"He'll be okay," Dean assured taking Sam's right hand in his own and squeezing it, he knew Sam was stronger than anyone else gave him credit for, including himself.

The doc moved Sam's gown up and pressed down gently at his abdomen.

"Mmmhh..." Sam whimpered and tried to curl in on himself.

"S'okay Sammy, sshh," Dean cooed circling Sam's hand with his thumb.

After some prodding and poking and an upset Sam later, the doc had finished.

"Well, everything feels okay, I think we're ready to pull the chest tube out," the doc said smiling but Dean and John froze, Sam was not going to like that!

"Uh...I can be here right, I mean, next to him, when you pull that thing out?"

"Absolutely," the doc assured pulling Sam's gown back down much to his relief.

_Bleep bleep bleep._

"Oh excuse me," the doc said as his bleeper went off and it seemed urgent with the look on his face and how fast he left.

"Well, doc taking the tube out, that's gonna be fun," John whispered, barely moving his lips, he didn't know why he was, he just felt it was politer, Sam might be deaf but he was still in the room.

"When's Bobby getting here?" Dean asked not ready to talk to his dad like that yet, it would end in an argument that was for sure and he didn't want to fight in front of Sam, especially now.

"Not sure, okay, come on we better tell him," John said going to the unavoidable and not letting Dean hold it off any longer.

**~S/D~**

They had now done telling Sam, and were preparing for the next part..._ 'one...two...three,'_ right on cue, Sam's bleeping monitors went up and tears rolled down his cheeks at a heart breaking rate.

"sshh, it's okay Sammy, it'll be okay, sshh," Dean cooed.

He picked Sam up and laid him in his lap. He got told off for being in Sam's bed the day before so he chose to sit in the arm chair with Sam sobbing into his shirt. The boy winced when he felt the tube tug but didn't care about the discomfort, it was a small price to pay if he wanted to feel safe right now.

"Ah Sammy, come on kid don't do this to me," John cursed to himself as he heard Sam break down once again. None of them could take it, it was like your own heart being stabbed when this kid cried, even the nurse that came in the other day left with tears down her face messing up her makeup but not seeming to care as she watched the small family try to put Sam back together for the time being with their hugs and comforting words.

Sam was now trying to lift his head and reach out his bad hand for John who complied by pushing his chair closer and sitting in it holding Sam's shaking clammy hand in his.

"Come on kid, you've been through worse than this, I'm sure," _'not that that is a good thing...poor little boy, he's a child for god's sake, how can anyone break him like this and enjoy it?!'_

Sam had soon drifted into a half way of sleep with the medications and the warm around him. They were now waiting on the doc to come back so he could take the damn thing out and get it over with already. It was an agonizing wait for them all and Sam was shuffling restlessly not being able to go to sleep but wanting to so badly.

He was twitching and Dean could tell he wanted to cry some more, he got this look of pain and sadness on his face before he gulped another pile of sobs down once again and attempted to close his eyes.

Then they snapped out when he felt footsteps.

"Hello I'm Dr. Green, Dr. Smith is in surgery so I've been called to remove a chest tube is that correct?"

"Uh...yeah," Dean said confused and turned off by the guy, he just had that ass hat look about him.

It was clear Sam wasn't taking a liking to the new guy as he tensed up like a block of wood in Dean's hold, not caring how much it was hurting his damaged bones.

"Can't we wait till Dr. Smith is outa surgery?" John asked seeing the turned up nose of Dean and feeling how tight Sam's muscles had gone.

"The surgery will be long so no, right now if I could ask you to leave the room," he said in a pompous tone referring to Dean.

The older boy stood vey carefully, placed Sam in the bed once again and then turn the ass.

"Uh...try no," Dean snapped standing and blocking the man from Sam.

"No visitors under 18 are permitted to be in the room while examinations and treatments are being administered."

"You get that little joke in a cracker?"

"If you don't leave now then I'm calling security."

"Call em, I ain't moving, right dad?" Dean saw the look on his father's face, "right dad?" he asked serious looking behind him.

"Dean, Sam's in pain and he wants this thing out, don't you think it would be better if you just left for 2 minutes than making a huge fight and getting tossed outa here."

"Dad," Dean didn't even know what to say, he had never been so hurt, his father was serious, '_he's freakin deadly serious about me not being there for Sam when he goes through this shit and pain and fear, he seriously is not backing me up on this. WHAT THE HELL?!!'_

"Dean just...go get a cup of coffee or something Sam'll be okay, he has me."

"I-I can't believe you're actually serious, you're not even backing me up or anything, what the hell do I have to do for fuck sake?" Dean whispered with a stream of tears down his face.

"Dean I was only thinking about the faster option and better way for Sam."

"No you weren't, better for Sam would be me being there, me and you being there for him, you just wanna get me outa the way so you can play the good guy for Sam, what the hell?"

"Dean what are you talking about? Is this about the fight? Are you jealous or something that I'm thinking of Sam first? I thought it would what you wanted, I was thinking of how much you would want me to put Sam first, so I am for you!"

"Okay this is way too family portrait for a hospital room, either you make your son leave now or I'm calling to have you both removed."

The doc was stood there with his hands on his hips looking down at the family before him.

"He doesn't have to make me leave, he already has," Dean whispered walking from the room and hitting Bobby on the way.

"Whoa Dean where are you-?"

"I'm going home, nobody wants me here," Dean mumbled sprinting past the man and down to the stairs.

"Wha-? John what the hell did you do this time?" Bobby cursed but was forced to stay out of the room when he saw what was going on in there.

**~S/D~**

"Sam I want you to take a deep breathe on then out then in going to pull the tube out."

"He can't hear you douche prick!"

All the weeks events had worn John's patience down to zero and he was intent on taking it out on the doctor.

"Oh well...I don't know what to do then."

John shook his head and tried to keep the screams in for just a few minutes longer as he grabbed the pad of paper and explained to a sobbing Sam what was going to happen and that Dean would be back any minute.

Sam was too scared and missing Dean to care about the pain as he was coached to breathe in and out as the doctor injected anaesthetic in his side.

John was the one showing Sam how to breathe and holding his hand. When the doctor was ready he nodded to John he squeezed Sam's hand tight.

"In...out....in and out," and with that the doctor pulled the long wet tube from Sam's side.

"Mmmaaahhh!!" Sam cried out stinging John's eyes with tears. The kid was crying and couldn't bare all the hands and the fact that not one of them was the one he wanted on his skin so he tried to wriggled from the rough touches and move away to get to Dean as the doctor stitched his small hole up.

He was forced down to the bed by John who wished more than anything right now that Dean would come and calm Sam down, _'the poor kid clearly doesn't want me, and all I'm doing is hurting him.'_

"Just...just get the hell out of this room now," John warned, his voice so low it was truly frightening when he had snapped out of it and Sam was still enough to be let go of.

"Sir I will call-"

"You have just smashed my relationship with my son into pieces and I might now ever be able to fix that. So I suggest you get the hell out before I do something you regret."

The man looked terrified and he couldn't run from the room fast enough.

"John what the hell did you do?" Bobby said in the door way.

"I think I just lost my son," John whispered with wide scared eyes.

"John, I swear, I am gonna rip you limb from limb when these boys are back home safe."

"..." John sighed, he didn't know what to say, sorry wasn't enough, and it wasn't Bobby he should be apologizing to.

"John pull your oversized bull shit covered head out of your ass and be god damn father for once in your pathetic miserable life."

"Bobby-" he warned.

"Shut the hell up you pathetic ass hole!" Bobby yelled fisting his hands in Johns shirt and rushing him to the back wall before clocking him one right on the jaw.

John hit back and got Bobby in the nose then kneed him in the stomach, his friends face disappearing and his hunter mind taking over.

They both pounded on each other for hours while Sam forced to watch and cry.

*Kick!*

'_Stop it...'_

*Punch!*

'_Please stop...'_

*Thump!*

'_Dean....make them stop!'_

*KICK!*

*Grunt!*

'_Deaniee!! I want you to come back!!'_

PUNCH!!

"GGRR!"

'_DEANIIEEE!! MAKE THEM STOP!! MAKE THEM STOP!!! I DON'T LIKE THEM FIGHTING!!!'_

*KICK!!*

_..._

_*KICK!!*_

'_Please stop...I haven't done anything to you!'_

"_Little brother, yeah, little retard sex toy brother! Got more of a ring to it don't you think Tony?" Kyle asked his twin._

"_I'd say so, awww look, little Sammy's crying."_

'_Don't call me that!'_

"_Oh...ooh look, he's getting angry...ooh, too bad you can't even scream for help huh."_

_*PUNCH!!*_

_..._

'_DEEEAAANNN!!!'_

'_Oh fuck...stop you idiot! Stop punching the guy! For god's sake stop!!'_ John screamed at himself as he continued to pound on what he was assuming, his ex-best friend.

Eventually with all the rage he had in him, John won and had Bobby pinned and bleeding in the floor.

"Ya happy now...you got no one, Mary is giving you a round of applause from up there...congratulations...mission accomplished, you got no ties...and no one to hold ya back...you stay the hell away from those boys...you dick..." Bobby gasped and he stood and John pulled back, only now seeing the damage he had just made.

"Bobby I-"

"John, where's Sam?" Bobby asked seeing the empty bed and loose wires.

"Shit...fuck...oh shit Dean is gonna kill me...oh shit..."

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Huh...reviews anyone? X **


	13. Slipped Away

**Slipped Away**

Sam slipped past the hall, he saw people rushing past him with gurneys and meds and a defibrillator, he saw their lips moving and he knew something was wrong. But thankfully that was a good thing because they were too busy to even notice him walking and ducking down the long corridor in a hospital gown. he was doing his best to ignore the pain and just concentrate on finding Dean but it was hard, the pain was almost unbearable and making him dizzy for a whole other reason.

"Hey kid! What are doing out of bed?" someone called, it was a dinner guy wearing gloves and an apron as he served out the food, but he couldn't help but notice the shirt skinny kid limping past him.

Sam saw the man, flinched back frantically praying Dean would come any second and beat the guy for him, but soon he realised he had to cave Dean this time, so he hit his casted hand out to the guys face and knocked him out cold.

Sam then carried on limping faster and found the lift no one was using. His hand was on fire, his head hurt, and he couldn't bare to stand up any longer, but he did for Dean, he had to save Dean, they had hurt his best friend and hero, and he was determined to find him, then kick the meanies asses for him.

As he ducked and hid when the lift came to a stop people in the ER waiting room started noticing him, he had gone to the ground floor but had no idea how slow it would be down there, and how many people would be bored and waiting for their turn.

Some stopped and looked then turned away thinking it was the hospitals problem, thing was, there was minimal staff and no one to stop the limping boy as he went to the exit. But one girl, about 19 years old saw the blood seeping from Sam's small tube hole onto his gown and stopped him.

"Hey, are you okay? What the hell happened to you?" she gasped with a hand on his shoulder.

He knew he couldn't hit a girl, and she just looked too caring to be mad at. But Sam knew if he stopped walking now he would collapse to he carried on brushing past her.

"Hey, what's wrong? I think you need a doctor," she stated following him as he walked out of the hospital.

Sam pushed her off once again and couldn't do anything but run, he ran and he ran, he ran through pain, he ran from the doctors, he ran from John, he ran from them all and to Dean.

'_For Dean! Doing this for Dean!_' he chanted as he sobbed in pain but carried on sprinting bare foot on the cold wet tarmac.

**~S/D~**

"Dad is gonna owe me one after this! Asshole...'its not that I don't trust you to help and fight with me, its because you shouldn't have to, I'm your father, I'm the one who is in charge of taking care of this family.' My ASS!!" he yelled out loud mocking his father as he packed up his things.

He had gone into the research pile and found that his dad was looking up a banshee, he knew it was too good to be true for his dad to just not hunt for a while, but nooooo, he probably wanted to train Sam so he could be the son he always wanted.

"Doing what's best for me by doing what's best for Sam, rrriiiggghhtt, of course."

Dean had come up with a plan, he would go and kill that thing on his own and prove he was a better hunter than his dad would ever have thought and he could totally take care of the family, he was going to prove he could take care of Sam and he could be needed in the family. He wanted to show them all he could be an honourable part of the Winchesters.

'I'm gonna gut this bitch, then we'll see how dad likes it that I'm the better hunter," he mumbled sarcastically as he zipped up his bag with everything in it he thought he would need.

He loaded his car and drove on to the cemetery that the bitch was meant to be terrorizing.

"I save god knows how many people every week that don't even say thanks, I train with a fucking gun till my palm is raw, I read every god damn book Bobby has and get tossed and ripped on every freakin hunt, and still it's not enough, well fuck him, this bitch is going down and so is he! I am gonna make Sam proud to call me his brother, they'll see."

**~S/D~**

"Oh nonononononono, oh shit this can;t be happening," John mumbled as he paced the hospital room.

"John snap the hell out of it, we can panic about what Dean gonna do to ya later, but right now we need to find those boys!" Bobby yelled snapping John out of his thoughts.

"Hey! Hey have you seen Sam walk outa here?" John asked the nurse who looked busy.

"No, no I haven't, maybe he went to the rest room."

"There's a freakin bathroom in his room! He left! He ran away!"

"Okay okay just calm down, he can't have gone far, he has a twisted ankle , broken ribs and a hole in his side, I don't think he'll be running all the way down the highway today, I'll tell security and we'll find him in no time."

"John you take the front of the hospital, I'll look round here," Bobby said waving John off who ran for the stairs sprinting down them to the first floor where Sam hopefully was, if he wanted to leave he would have gone to the exit right?

"Ah excuse me, has anyone seen a kid round here, he might look in pain, hospital gown on, can't hear you?!"

"Ah sir, short, dark messy hair, looks really scared?"

"Yes!" he breathed looked in hope at the young girl before him.

"He just left, he looked like he was going somewhere, I tried to help but he looked scared and took off running."

"Thank you! Thank you!" he yelled running out of the double sliding doors and going in search for Sam.

"Ah...you're welcome," the girl mumbled to herself.

**~S/D~**

Sam was running and he had no clue where he was going, he wouldn't know what road he should be on if it was daylight, never mind pitch back.

'_Dean, please be out here...I'm scared.'_

"Hey kid you okay? Need a lift?" a man asked stopping his truck.

Sam looked at him in terror, he thought he had just gotten away from people going down the road with no lights.

The man was about to get out and go grab Sam but he ran off too quick to be caught by the perv.

'_Deanie help! I want my Deanie! Please...I just need to find him...please...'_ he begged no one as he ran over the grass which was better on his feet but the mud and mess was making him slip every so often and it was hard to get his footing again and carry on.

**~S/D~**

"Come on, come on...come out...come on," Dean mumbled as he stepped silently holding his gun out and hoping the woman hadn't chosen to hide out in a mausoleum, being trapped in a small space with one of those things wasn't good.

"_Foooddd...foooodd...come on boy, show me your misery..."_

"Come on you freaky basterd! Come out and face your grub! You fugly bitch!" Dean yelled amusing himself.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"_

"GGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Dean screamed when he heard the infamous banshee wails.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"_

"SSTTTOOPP....GGGGAAAHHHHDDD....AAAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGRRRRR!!"

The sound was unbearable, his ears were bleeding and Dean couldn't take anymore. He dropped the gun and was now screaming in agony in the ground as the banshee neared and carried on her screams.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"_

She carried on her screams, all his pain and sadness spilling out of him as the evil witch fed on his misery.

'_Sammy...I'm sorry...I'm sorry....I'm so sorry mom.......I know I can't do this....I can't.....I'm sorryyy...somebody help me....please....help me....I can't do this anymore.....help me dad....'_

Blood was flowing from his nose and ears, he could feel every vessel in him burst and spill out with no escape, blood ran round his body where it didn't belong, adding pleasure that tortured him right down to the cold bone.

"AAAAHHHAAAGGGGHRRAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

He couldn't stop the blood curling screams, or the sobs of pure sadness that ran through his mind.

'_Help me....daaadd....it HURTS....'_

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"_

"Hhuurrrttss Sammy...dad...."

**~S/D~**

Sam was now reduced to fast walking, his legs were burning, he felt the acid build up in his calves but he didn't stop, he was too scared he might pass out without Dean to catch him if he stopped, he felt the pain scream at him to give up, don't go anymore, you can't go anymore, you're too weak to carry on, you'll never find Dean so just give it up now and you can die alone.

But he wasn't listening, he was going to prove to everyone he could be just as good as Dean at being tough! He wanted to prove Dean's point, he wanted to make his big brother proud!

_..._

"_**Sammy come on, you can do it I know you can, it's easy when you've done it once."**_

_Sam was huffing, he didn't understand this ASL thing, Dean was trying to teach him the sign for brother but it wasn't going well. Sam's hands were a little weak from all the abuse and lack of motivation to actually get up the next day, his whole body was weak right down to his still toes. But Dean wasn't giving up, he knew Sam could do it, he was just being fussy and stubborn and when he didn't get something on the first go he just took as a sign of 'you can't do anything! Just give up and save yourself the added embarrassment!'_

_Dean refused to let him give in, he pushed Sam until he got so worked up he just snatched the book and looked deeply, then looked back at Dean and finally signed 'brother,' with a bitch face._

"_Good job Sammy! That's my boy!" Dean grinned patting Sam on the back making the young one blush. __**"I knew you could do it, just tell all those assholes to shove it if they ever tell you you can't do something."**_

_Sam nodded still smiling and then hesitantly reached for the laptop. Dean placed it on his lap and not 10 minutes later Sam had mastered the sign for 'Thank you,' which he used a lot with Dean, and then the word 'Fuck you,' Which consisted of a middle finger and point to the assholes chest, which in practise was Dean, much to his amusement._

...

"_**Fuck you! Fuck you!" **_he signed to no one.

'_I know you can do this Sammy,'_ he heard in his head in the voice he imagined Dean's to sound like, gruff in places, a little sarcastic, but full of love.

'_Can do this for Dean! Fuck them!'_

He could feel Dean round him and it felt strange but nice. He didn't feel as alone. He could feel Dean...but why? He had no clue where Dean was.

Then he found himself at an end and had no choice but to hold on the chrome gates he was about to walk into for support.

He had no more grass to run on, he had reached a church and he was scared to go in, he knew he was dirty so he would be punished for that by someone in that holy building.

'_Dean wouldn't come here right? I mean...it doesn't sound like him...why did I come here? And why do I feel like he was here?'_

Sam could feel something, it felt like fear and he knew it wasn't his own, he had enough frights in his life to recognise what his own felt like, but this wasn't coming from inside his own stomach, it was around him.

Then something else waved through the air that made his own fears come to drown him again, he felt something evil and out for blood, large wings swooping, feathers rustling, long drapes of material dragging across the floor, branches snapping under bare feet.

Sam pushed off the rails and went to run, then he stopped and turned, tears of fear where streaming down his bruised cheeks. The feeling of this thing was scaring him so much and he just wanted Dean to come and save him, but the calling of something else, something scared itself, something hurting and in excruciating pain was much stronger.

"Hurts...Sammy...dad...hurts so damn much...sorry..."

'_Dean?!' _his head shot up, hearing the gruff, lovable, yet hurting voice he had made up in his head for Dean.

Sam ran to where he thought he could hear his best friend, '_how the hell is this happening?!' _he decided on freaking out later and finding Dean who sounded really bad first.

**~S/D~**

"Are you sure?" Bobby asked John as they speeded back to his yard.

"Yes! She said she saw Sam leave and he looked scared like he wanted to find something, he's gone back to find Dean at the yard I know it."

"You better be right about this or they could-"

"Don't! They're fine!"

Bobby really hoped John was right.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Okay is it me or that a-?"

"Banshee, I found one round here, I was gonna check it out later..."

"You what?! All this new shit going on and you still think it's okay to look for a hunt?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Bobby..."

"No, you can't make up some dumb excuse this time! You crossed a line John, you have crossed that line so far..."

"I know!" John shouted, he knew he had screwed up worse than ever, but he needed to find the boys first for crying out loud!

**~S/D~**

"H-hurts...always hurts......."

The banshee stopped her feeding to inspect her prey for a second. He was handsome, he was tall, and the thing she liked most about him...he had so much sadness to feed on it was mouth watering.

She flew down from the top of the stone temple and swished her dark tatted black wings for added effect to scare the dying meat.

"Aaaahhhhh!!" she rasped lower this time just to get an entertaining whimper from her the human be-neither her.

'_Oh god...oh god what the hell is that?!' _Sam was gulping the terror down as he stared right at the old grey hag and her ratty wings.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"_ she screamed at the newcomer feeling his pain too.

But Sam never flinched, never broke his stare, not once, not giving her the satisfaction, believing Dean for once than he 'could so this!'

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" _she screamed louder when he was unfazed, but that was pointless too.

'_D-Deanie?'_ Sam whimpered as he looked at Dean screaming and thrashing in pain on the floor surrounded by blood.

"S-Sammy...go...run..." Dean chocked gagging on his own wet sticky blood.

**~S/D~**

"Oh please tell me he didn't...DEAN! DEAN!!" John yelled running round the house with the research papers he printed in his hand. They weren't where he left them and neither was Dean's gun. Not to mention Dean's car was MIA, and then there's the missing Dean himself, and Sam.

"John we need to go, he will be in a word or misery right now. He might think he's bullet proof but that kid is more venerable than anyone right now."

"Yeah, yeah...cemetery, she's there right?"

"You were the ass doing the research!"

John looked down shameful, but he knew he could feel bad later, right now he had to kill Dean for being so idiotic, and then it was Sam's turn!

'_Guess those boys don't know the rules of taking care of themselves at all, Sam I understand a little, but Dean? He should know better, he knows the hunt better than this!'_

Both hunters took off running for John's truck once again and the hunter turned worried shitless father stepped on it going over the speed limit by triple figures almost and putting his foot to the forbidden floor.

"You got silver rounds?" Bobby asked urgently knowing what killed the bitches.

"No, Dean's took all the rounds I had! Damn it! If he's not okay..."

"Keep it together!" Bobby scolded as John began to panic once again and picture Dean dying, in a puddle of blood and pain.

**~S/D~**

"Sam...Sam no...don't."

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Sam was now feeling the effects, his ears were still blank but the pain her screeches were putting on the vessels in his eyes was starting to hurt more than his side.

Sam was getting closer and closer trying to reach Dean, hoping that if he was able to block her wails then he would be able to drag Dean from her and save him for just a little while. Just till Dean recovered for a few minutes like he always does, then go back and kill this monster while Sam sat in hiding.

Little did Sam know, Dean was losing it, he could barely stay awake but he pushed through it to try and tell Sam to go. The kid knew perfectly well what his new big brother was saying but he was shook his head and went closer to the banshee who was so confused all the did was back away afraid of the boy that was immune.

Sam then saw the gun beside Dean, he saw he was trying to pick it up but couldn't with all the pain, shaking and torture as his blood went cold and his body tried to shut off.

Sam picked it up and aimed hoping he was getting this right.

He went closer as the banshee screamed once again and he pointed it at her and hoped it worked.

"SHOOOT SHOOT!!"

Sam felt like that was from inside a fish bowl, he heard it faintly, but he heard it none the less.

"HEART!! IN THE HEART!! SHOOOTTT!!" he heard again so he did as he was told and pulled the trigger.

"AAHHGG!" she yelped as the force of the silver pushed her back and made her drop to the floor.

Sam looked over her when she was no longer moving, only curling her wings twisting to get up. The boy looked at her with pure hatred and shot her dead in the chest.

'_Evil bitch hurting my Dean!'_

He tossed the gun on the floor like it was on fire then felt arms on him that turned him and ghosted his limbs. He pushed them off and went to Dean.

'_Oh god...Dean.....'_

**~S/D~**

"STOP!" Bobby yelled and John slammed on the breaks hard.

"What?!"

"That's Sam! It's Sam!" he yelled seeing a huge set of black feathers and a kid limping at the far end of the grave yard.

They both pushed their doors open and sprinted praying to God and Mary they get there in time.

'_Oh god...Sam. That's Sam...he's got the gun...he has Dean's freakin gun! I knew I loved that kid!'_

John sucked in a large breath as he ran with his hunter friend and hoped this worked.

"SHOOOT SHOOT!!" he screamed at Sam who was standing there in front of the screaming witch holding the gun with shaking hands. "HEART!! IN THE HEART!! SHOOOTTT!!"

Sam seemed to have got it '_god I love that kid!' _a shot rang out and a screech soon followed as she fell to the floor.

Bobby and John were still running and got there just in time to see Sam shoot the bitch one last time and she was dead.

"Sammy...god Sammy," John gasped when he saw the kids face, blood tears were streaming down and but he seemed unfazed by the whole thing.

"John you get Dean, I got Sam," Bobby said loud as he kneeled down in front of the boy.

"Dean?...Dean!" he saw his son on the floor, gasping for breath, covered in blood and sobbing in pain. "Dean look at me buddy," John shouted trying to keep his tears at bay as he knelt down tried to help his boy any way he could. "Oh god...oh my god..." he couldn't fix this, his son was DYING!

At that second of grief, he something snapped him back, it was Sam, he was in a world of pain and looked it too, but he was kneeling down with Dean and placing his head in his lap and stroking his hair, like he Dean had done for him on several times of need.

"S-Sammyy..." Dean chocked seeing the boy above him. Something wet was dripping down on his face and it was thicker than tears.

"Dean, come on stay awake, stay with us, you can't leave Sam, he needs his big brother to patch him up, come on...Dean..."

"Dad...hurts..."

"I know, I know, but remember what we say, if it hurts at least you know you're alive," John smirked with tears coming down, but that little moment of joking soon faded as Dean went limp, "..Dean open your eyes, DEAN!!"

Sam was looking up at John, his cheeks covered in tears of blood and new mixed with tears or sadness over Dean, but he had a look in his red raw eyes...it was hope, as if to say to John '_He'll be okay.'_

"John Dean needs a hospital now, and so does Sam," Bobby said softer than he had heard his old friend speak before.

"Oh god...Bobby, his hands...." John stuttered when he saw his sons limbs.

"Son of a bitch, John we're...we're gonna have to relieve the pleasure or he could lose his hands."

"W-WHAT?!"

"John, no choice, hold him down," Bobby ordered gulping as he got his pocket knife out.

"Call for an ambulance first, I don't want my son bleeding to death and then calling them!"

Bobby did as he was told; he called for emergency services and told them to get here yesterday before hanging up. He then ran for the first aid kit inn Johns truck, got out all the gauze and bandages there were then ran back to the 3 Winchesters.

"You got him?" Bobby asked ready to cut down Dean's arm with his now sterilized knife.

"Yeah, just do it," John cried holding his son down to the floor.

Sam was hugging Dean's face still with his own head buried in his big brothers neck. He was hiding his hero from what they were doing and stroked his hair hoping he wouldn't wake up. He saw the size of Dean's hands and arms and knew what they were doing and why, he was trying to comfort his unconscious Deanie as best he could.

"GAAAAHHHHH!!" Dean screamed when the blade was sliced through his blazing skin bringing him back to the land of the living for all of a few seconds before he passed out again.

"I don't think the others as bad, and the help is here," Bobby sighed sinking and letting his exhausted backside drop to the ground.

The next part was a rush, they bandaged Dean up from around Sam who refused to let go of him or get help from the paramedics himself. He hit John twice when he tried to pry the kid off Dean and then lashed out at Bobby who wasn't in the kid's bad books like John but was getting in the way of his brother duties none the less. Eventually they gave up and left Sam with one hand in Dean's hair and his shattered plastered hand clinging to Deans shirt.

"Sammy let's get ya cleaned up huh?" John said once they were in the back of the ambulance.

Sam was sat on the bench with John and his arms were curled up covering and protection Dean from everyone. He flinched away when John came closer with a wet cotton pad to wipe some of the blood tears away. He gave the older hunter a warning look to leave him and his big brother alone so John did, he left the pad next to Sam and back off.

Sam settled down then and went to close his eyes as he leaned down on Dean's chest.

"Sir? I think it would be best if we sedated him, he's not gonna like when Dean's wheeled off into surgery is he?" the young medic asked rhetorically.

"He uuuhh...Sam is on Prozac, does that effect anything if I said okay?" John asked shaking but trying to be a good parent about this whole situation, he wanted to make sure he had everything covered with his boys.

"That's really good to know, we'll give him something that doesn't react with that, uuh, could you hold him still for a second, he's passed out I think but I don't want clobbering if he wakes up with a needle in him," she smiled trying to make the father feel better.

"Yeah, uh," John bit his lip trying to find the best way to hold Sam the way he was laid that meant he was restrained but wouldn't wake up if it was unnecessary.

"Here we go," she said pulling the vial of meds into the syringe and getting to Sam's good arm.

John held him, closed his eyes not wanting to see a screaming wild Sam again but thankfully he was well and truly out for the count. _'I'm actually glad he has all those injuries to knock him out right now.'_

"That went better than I imagined."

"Yeah, me too," John signed running a hand down his face.

'_Man I've messed up so much! I'm sorry Mary...I'm so sorry.'_

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**It will get happier...soon, maybe... :D**


	14. Deep Waters

**Deep waters**

It had been 19 hours since the hunt now. Dean had come out of surgery but was still out and Sam had been forced into a deep sleep by his own injuries and didn't even need sedatives like they thought he might.

The boys were in their own double room thanks to Dr. Smith and Dr. Connolly. They both argued the boys needed each other to heal, Dr. Smith saying it would be better for them to be together for their injuries and Dr. Connolly said it would be best for both boys state of mind when they come round. So hospital rules were tossed and the boys were left alone. John hadn't left the padding less chair since they got put in room 223 and he had now fallen asleep giving into the exhaustion.

"John, John are you with me?" Dr. Smith prodded.

"uuhg...what? What happened?" he rushed sitting up in his chair grimacing at his numb ass.

"I'm just coming to check them over, everything been okay today?"

"Neither of them has woken up if that's what you mean."

"They'll come round John, just give em time to sleep."

"Where's Bobby?" he asked not seeing his...friend? here anymore.

"Went home I think, he left a note at the nurse's station I can get for you if you-"

"No, no it's okay, I need a break anyway. If they wake up, tell em I'll be back."

"Course," the doc nodded then went to check Dean over.

"Excuse me, there should be a note here from-"

"Here you go, no one read it," the nurse promised handing a folded up piece of paper to him.

"Thanks," he said taking it and going to the nearest bathroom where he locked the door, closed the lid then unfolded the note.

"**John, I've left your things outside my gates on the floor and I must you warn you, it's raining. Dean's and Sam's room is how they left it, don't think about coming back to my home, unless you want an ass full of buckshot, understand? Good! Bring Sam and Dean back here when they get discharged. If and only if THEY agree to let your sorry ass near them, you can attempt to be a father again. I don't care where you stay, as long as it's off my property and away from those boys. Goodbye." **

"Damn it...what the hell do I do now?" he ripped the paper in two and punched one half through the wall.

"John? Everything okay?" Dr. Smith asked hearing the rubble break.

'_NO!'_

"What?" he snapped opening the bathroom door.

"Sam's awake," he said like that was a good thing.

**~S/D~**

"Sammy?" John asked going in the room stepping carefully.

Sam glared at John for a second, then turned his head so he was looking at Dean in the bed next to his.

"Guess I'm sorry won't work."

The kid on the bed was shuffling, he seemed to be reaching for Dean, he carried on rocking the bed but the breaks were on so it was useless.

"Hang on kiddo," John said clicking them off and wheeling the bed closer to Dean so they touched. Sam fed his arm through the bars and went to grasp Dean's hand but found them bandaged with material almost as thick as his own cast.

John smiled sympathetically then waved Sam's hand out of the gap. At first the kid glared but when he knew he had to let John help him just a little he pulled his hand out and let John lower the bars. His arm then went back and he settled it on Dean's chest and grabbed a fist of the pale hospital gown covering it.

"Get some sleep Sammy," John said and only got a glare back till Sam finally closed his eyes._ 'Well sign language would help, maybe they might take me more serious if I look committed, okay, that came out wrong!'_

John sat watching them curling together even in their sleep, it looked like this was normal and they had been comforting each other for years, not weeks.

After some minutes passed John walked carefully over to the books Dean had left in this very same room and went to read. 'man this looks harder than it sounds,' were the hunters first thoughts, but he pushed them off and went to work, he needed to make it up to them and communicating with Sam was hopefully a start.

**~S/D~**

Sam sat staring, his eyes never leaving Dean's closed one's for even a second, he barely blinked and it would reach a point where John would now have to nudge the boy to tell him he needed to move his lids because his eyes were running and they were turning raw.

Right on cue Sam's eyes turned a burning red once again so John gave him a small tap on the shoulder and Sam blinked a few times to clear the water, then went back to staring.

"Sir, visiting hours are over," a young nurse stated.

"And I'm not a visitor so go bother someone else."

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, I take it you'll be staying the night?"

"Well duh," John snapped then nudged Sam once again.

"Would you like a bed? I could bring one from the maternity ward," she offered kindly.

'Well maybe she's not as bad as I thought,' "No thanks, I'll be fine."

"Anything else I can get you?"

"Could you get me Sam's doctor if you can? He's not going to sleep, could you get the doc to give him something?"

"Sure, I'll page him right now, he should be on shift in half an hour."

"Thanks."

She left with a smile and John went back to watching over the boys.

"Sammy you gotta sleep kiddo," John cooed running his hand through Sam's hair making the boy glare at him. "Fine, we'll just wait for the doc to give you something."

**~S/D~**

"He should be off in...3...2...1..." and sure enough Sam was in dream land when the night nurse finished counting.

"Thanks," John whispered moving to pull the sheets up to both Sam and Dean's chins.

"You get some sleep too, or I'm coming in here with another lot of this," she joked then left.

John smiled at the joking threat but didn't shuffle down in his chair to even rest his eye, he just stared like Sam had done, and only blinked when he knew his eyes couldn't take it anymore, before opening and staring once again.

**~S/D~**

"John," Bobby glared coming in the room the next afternoon.

"Bobby," John nodded with a kinder tone.

"They woken up yet?" Bobby asked cold but not at the boys.

"Sam's been on watch this morning, Dean's still out and the doc said it was cos he's in a medically induced coma for the pain and healing."

"They'll be okay."

"Yeah, when they're away from me right?" John only had joked.

"Not right now," Bobby warned sitting down on the other side of the beds.

"Bobby, nice to see you here, you owe me a table by the way," Dr. Smith said rubbing anti bacterial gel in his hands before he approached the boys.

"Guess they found the damage huh?"

"Yes, that's a good assumption, but you guys, really? Fighting in a hospital, in front of Sam as well, its just a good job security didn't catch you and I can lie my ass off."

"Yeah, thanks for that," John piped up.

"Let's check these wound out huh, see if he's ready to be off the meds yet," the doc moved closer to Dean's side carefully examining Dean's stitches and looking in his ears and eyes hoping not to wake Sam.

"He doing okay?" Bobby asked before John could.

"He could be doing a hell of a lot worse, his ears are healing fast which is good, means that he might be able to hear a whole lot better when he is awake, and the swelling in his limbs are going down nicely."

"Why do I feel like there's a but coming?" John gulped scared of what was wrong with his boy.

"But...you guys have got 2 very fragile kids on your hands, they're both hurting and they both need you guys to stop playing cat and dog and just talk to them, before they both take off for good."

"They'll be okay," John nodded holding Dean's hand in his own and running his other through Sam's hair.

"They better be," Bobby warned not getting he had done wrong as well.

Dr. Smith sighed at the 2 stubborn asses in front of him and shook his head before examining Sam.

"Well, these boys might just be okay," he smiled taping the bandage back down on Sam's side.

"Yeah, physically," Bobby glared at John once again.

"Would you two pull your heads outa your asses, its not about you, its about them, you're acting like its a competition, just grow up the pair of you!"

Sam was awake by now, he was watching the doc with his guard up hoping John would hit the man already because the look on his face was scary and he could tell the doc was yelling.

"You're right, we both screwed up, but we're gonna make it right, just...get lost for now, Sammy's not liking you too much right now," John smiled looking at a pouting Sam who was shielding Dean.

"Hunters," Dr. Smith groaned leaving the room.

"We showed him," John smirked to Sam playfully tapping the boy on the shoulder.

Sam's reply was a deep growl in the back of his throat so John backed off, _'guess its too soon to joke.' _

**~S/D~**

"Dean? Deano come on, open those eyes, let me know you're okay," John pleaded as he stood over his whimpering son.

"D-d...urts..." were his only words as he wriggled on the bed feeling the burning rush through his body, ever vessel, every muscle, ever bone he thought he didn't have were screaming in agony.

"I know, I know kiddo, what do ya say we get a doc in here to check you out."

John rang the buzzer and not 2 seconds later the nurse walked in, then out when she saw Dean was awake.

"This should help," she smiled at Dean when she came back in with some meds and she injected them into Dean's right IV. "Better?" she asked when she saw a few of the pain lines disappear, though there didn't look to be many in the first place, Dean was always too good at hiding pain.

Once Jon was forced to make Dean strip after a bad hunt a few years ago. He backed his son into a corner and ordered him to get undressed so he could see the wounds Dean had been covering up too well. After the kid was only left in his boxers John saw the large slash marks and black blood bruises on Dean's back where he was tossed down a flight of stairs but some fugly spirit. But remembering that only made them both more ashamed of themselves, Dean for remembering how many times he screwed up, and John for how many times he let his son get hurt and put his own flesh and blood in grave danger.

"Dad...m'sorry," Dean mewed in a voice John hadn't heard in about 10 years.

"Hey, don't okay, it's my fault, you just concentrate on getting better."

"...what happened?...Sammy? oh god Sammy..."

"He's fine Dean, he's right here," John smiled pointing to the mop of hair on Dean's chest.

"He...he killed...he saved me..." Dean choked like that was a bad thing.

"Yeah Dean, he did awesome out there, as wrong as it sounds, I'm really glad he ran away to find you."

"Ran away?" Dean frowned looking down at the sleeping boy and running a hand though the brown hair that ticked his chin.

"Yeah...after you left, me and Bobby kinda...had a falling out and when we were done...Sam was gone. I now I screwed up big time and I should have been watching him, not beating 7 bells out of Bobby, I give you full permission to kick my ass when you're better.

"So Sammy ran away cos he was freaked out or cos he was trying to find me?" Dean asked miserably thinking it was the first one.

"Both, when we got to the ambulance he wouldn't let go of you, he wouldn't even let me clean him up a little, he would give me this look, like the one you have when you know someone is hurting Sam. He kinda scared me with the glares," John chuckled.

"He scared you huh?" Dean smirked.

"I said kinda," the older man defended.

"Sure."

Dean was laughing and trying to keep it down so not to jar his insides but then noticed Sam's wide innocent eyes were staring at him and his neck was growing wet.

"Hey Sammy, don't cry, you're safe," Dean cooed slow but that's not what bothered Sam. The kid shook his head and squeezed Dean tighter then turned to John warning him with a frightening look that he didn't know a 13 year old kid would or ever should have.

"_**I'm not gonna hurt him,"**_ John signed to Sam and spoke to himself out loud. He had gotten pretty fluent at ASL by now, Dean being asleep for 2 days and Sam joining him most times had left a lot of spare time for him.

Dean was impressed, more than impressed, he was so shocked it made John ashamed.

Sam scowled once more before watching Dean again and snuggling into his chest.

"Sam...could you shift a little," Dean grunted with a pained face when Sam shuffled a little too close.

Sam softened his expression and moved off from the top of Dean's chest and back to his own pillow.

"Thanks," Dean breathed not feeling the pressure anymore. "Sweet dreams Sammy," he smiled when he saw the boys eyes droop and he felt his own grow heavy.

5 minutes later both boys were snuggled up again, Dean had his better arm round his little brother and Sam had his fist tight in Dean's hospital attire once again and his other arm hugging Brownie to his side.

John had gone for coffee knowing Dean would be okay now and they were both well protected having each other.

Bobby chose that moment to walk in the large hospital room and sit down in his chair.

"Well coffee here sucks a-" John cut himself off when he saw Bobby in the chair with his back to the door. "Bobby, what are you doing here?"

"Well someone's gotta be here when they wake up, and the father of the year seems to have gone walk about," Bobby turned in his chair to face John, "oh there he is," he mocked.

"Bobby it's not what it...Dean woke up, and they looked happy so I went to get coffee."

"Well if they've both woke up then you can go, you know they're okay so can just walk out now right?" Bobby mocked.

"They're my sons! You don't get to play dad just cos I screw up sometimes!"

"Sometimes?"

"Fine! Most times! But I'm only human damn it! Yeah sometimes, most times I make mistakes! But I've always tried my best! Mary would know that too! She might know I screw up but she knows I would never hurt Dean or Sam or anyone on purpose."

"Maybe you should try harder to not make mistakes, for the sake of those kids John, before its more than a glare Sam shoots your way, or more than a curse word Dean calls you."

"Don't you think I know how much they hate me already? You don't need to write me a damn letter telling me to leave them, I know Dean hates me and Sam hates me..."

"D-ad...I don't hate you...I tried to kill that thing cos I thought you hated me...for being weak and a crappy hunter and son..." Dean chocked wide awake and staring at the two men in front of his pleading for their reassurance.

"Dean...where in the hell would you conjure up something like that?"

"Same place as you I guess."

"Well this is ironic, you screw up cos you're scared your son hates you and try to make things better but it goes worse, and you Dean, you think your daddy hates you cos you have some dumb ass idea John wants a perfect soldier."

"He does," Dean mumbled ashamed.

"No I don't Dean, I want my son, I'm sorry if I ever made you think you had to be more than what you want to be just to satisfy me."

"...um...okay," Dean mumbled faking it, a few kind words and an apology wouldn't cover up all those years of crap.

"I'm gonna go take a walk, this is family business," Bobby said walking to the door, John was right, as much as he loves Dean, and Sam now, he isn't their father so he can't try to be.

"Hey Dean, check this out," John grinned trying to lighten the mood as he signed something he had been practising.

"Dude you just said 'I like boys,'" Dean smirked glad his act was paying off.

"No I didn't."

"Yeah, you did," Dean snorted.

"Well...I don't."

"Yeah right," Bobby chimed in coming back in the room.

"Could you keep it down, I'm trying to sleep here," Dean grumbled closing his eyes again and tightening his arms round Sam. His mask was slipping and he needed another distraction, so he chose sleep.

"Night kiddo," John whispered running a hand through Dean's hair listening for the breathing to even out. After a few moments he sat back down and went to read the ending of the ASL book.

**~S/D~**

John woke to a tug on his sleeve.

"Yeah?" he grumbled sitting up in the chair.

He saw Sam staring at him, the kid had tears running down his cheeks and he was curled up on his own bed which was the strangest thing.

"Sammy?" he asked seeing the scared boy shake with his knees up to his chest.

He stood from his chair and looked frantic at Dean, _'no, he looks fine, well as fine as he can be under the pain he was in even in sleep. What the hell has Sam so freaked out he woke me of all people?'_

"_**What's wrong?"**_

Sam didn't even look at John attempting to sign, he was too terrified to think straight.

"Hey, it's okay," he said rubbing his hand down Sam's neck but the boy flinched away and cry out.

"Dad? What's wrong with Sammy?" Dean cleared his throat when he heard himself but continued to fret over his baby brother crying his heart out.

"I'm working on that," he whispered trying to comfort the boy who still wasn't happy with all the touching.

"John?" Bobby asked in the doorway.

"Give me a minute would ya," John snapped then felt Sam go rigid under his hands as he rubbing Sam's back. "Sshh, I'm sorry, here, go sit with Dean, yeah?" he said pulling Sam up and placing him down next to Dean on the other bed, Sam let go of John and launched onto Dean so fast, blink and you missed it.

"Ow...man, someone calm him down, as much as I love the kid, this hurts like hell right now," Dean grunted.

John tried to pull the boy back into his arms but he wouldn't budge, he latched on for dear life and it was almost making tears come to Dean's eyes with how much the pain was building again now Sam had a tight restrain on him. The more Bobby and John tried to pry him off Dean, the harder he held on, and the more pain that meant for Dean.

"Dad, this really hurts," Dean choked.

"Dean, just stay calm okay, I'm sure once you are Sam will follow and then we can get him off you."

"Mgghh...ah!" Dean yelled unable to keep the torture in any longer.

In the mist of all the panic John was trying to pry Sam off again, Dean was crying in pain, and Sam was crying from fear of something and was so scared he wasn't noticing how much pain he was putting Dean in. Then Bobby noticed something, "John, look where Sam's eyes are goin," he said and he was the only one with a semi clear mind to be able to help.

"Wh...?"

"Clown John, the freakin clown is scaring the shit outa him, how the hell did he not see that sooner?" Bobby asked himself.

"He's been staring and watching Dean so much he probably never looked at the rest of the room. Bobby cover that thing up, I'll go see if we can get another room."

"You need to stay with your boys," Bobby said going from the room.

That left John to pull the curtain round covering the giant painting on the wall that had Sam terrified.

"Sammy, Sam the clowns gone, its gone, it's okay," John cooed and sure enough Sam's grip loosened round Dean.

"Clowns?" Dean grunted needing to pass out but not leaving to the darkness till he knew Sam was okay.

"Guess Sammy's scared of clowns, no more McDonalds for us then."

"Dad can I have some of the good stuff?"

John's heart stopped then, Dean had never, EVER admitted pain never mind asked for painkillers.

"Dean? Dean what's wrong?" John rushed going round the other side and pulling Sam all the way off and on his own bed.

"-urts...burning..." he cried trying to hide the tears ashamed of crying in front of Sam and his father.

"Hold on kiddo, you're gonna be fine ya hear me," John swore pushing the alert button frantically but trying to hide his panic from both boys.

Seconds later when Sam was about to go to Dean to help, or do something, the older kids eyes rolled back to white and he went limp on the pillow._._

"Dean? Dean?!" John yelled rubbing his knuckles on Dean's chest but getting no response.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Cliffie....I know I'm evil x **


	15. You Wake Up, its a Bad Dream

**You Wake Up, it's a Bad Dream**

"What happened?" Dr. Smith asked rushing in the alarming room followed by 2 nurses and Bobby not far behind.

"H-he woke up, Sam was scared and he was...he wouldn't let go of Dean and then he just passed out and...what's wrong with my son?" John asked running a shaking hand down his face.

"John I need you take Sam and step back," the doc said calmly as he saw John, Bobby and Sam panicking.

Once he was snapped out of his trance John moved to the sobbing little boy on the other bed and clicked the breaks off then wheeled the bed as far away from Dean's as he could. Sam was trying to scramble back over but his injuries were making it difficult.

"No Sam, you can't...come on kiddo, come here," John cooed pulling the kid back and holding him gentle but firm in his arms.

At first Sam fussed, he was angry at John, he was pissed to hell and back at the man, he didn't want him touching him or Dean, but when he realised he needed someone to hold onto, someone to reassure him Dean was gonna be fine, someone to tell him he hadn't just hurt Dean so bad it would kill them both. He gave up the fight and held onto John feeling the mumbles of comfort.

"Dean's gonna be just fine, he is, you both are, it's gonna be okay Sammy, I promise."

Sam was now trying to hide in John's shirt like if he couldn't see what was happening to Dean, it would all go away and just be a bad dream and he hadn't just killed his hero.

"_Told you, you're dirty! You killed him! You kill everything you touch! YOU FILTHLY RAT!!" _

But for John who was watching helplessly as the doctor worked on his son it was more like his worst nightmare coming to life.

"He's ruptured the vessels in his right arm again and it's putting pressure on his heart to get more blood there, he needs surgery, John I need consent," the doc ordered whilst wheeling Dean's bed from the room.

"Yeah, okay, please just...tell me he's gonna be fine," John pleaded.

"He's gonna be fine," the doc mumbled not very optimistic. John got a flash of pure fear on his face so Bobby walked over and put his hand on the man's shoulder giving him the hope both he and Sam needed.

"He's gonna be fine John, its Dean, he's too stubborn to let some screaming witch bitch keep him down."

"Yeah...he is," John nodded and silently thanking his friend for being there.

**~S/D~**

Hours later John was wearing a hole in the floor, Bobby was sat with his toes crossed and watching his friend pace and Sam was sat under his covers with Brownie quietly sniffling and wanting Dean back now! _'I killed him...I've killed Dean...I didn't mean to!!! I'm sorry...I didn't mean to kill him...please believe me God...please...?_

"John?" Dr. Smith asked walking in the room looking rather exhausted with his theatre cap still on.

"Is my son okay?"

"He's doing just fine, he woke up on the way to surgery and was askingfor Sam and you_, _wouldn't go to sleep easily," he smirked.

"That's my boy."

"We repaired the damage which was a lot less severe than I first thought, he's in recovery right now if you'd like to go down."

"Yeah...Sammy?" he said shaking the kid to get his attention.

Sam turned and looking to John with miserable pleading eyes but one look at Johns smile was all he needed, Dean would be okay!_ 'Dean's okay! I didn't kill him...! or is happy he gets to hurt me _

The kid let out a strangled sob and John, half laughing half crying pulled Sam in close.

"Told you he was gonna be fine," he breathed.

'_He's not hitting me yet?...Deanie...please come back I'm scared and confused and I don't know what to do without you here to tell me...'_

John not seeing the reason for Sam's sobs pulled away placing the kid back on the bed and when his head hit the pillow he was fast on giving into the meds and sleep for the first time all day.

'_Please don't hurt me...please Deanie if I go to sleep and be a good boy can you come back?'_

"_He's not coming back you idiot! You just killed him!"_

"I'll look after the squirt, you go see Dean, and kick his ass for giving me another grey hair."

Bobby patted John shoulder again, all the harsh words and fighting forgiven and they were back to normal.

"Thanks," and with that John left to follow the doc.

'_Please don't hurt me Mr. Bobby...I didn't mean to...' _

**~S/D~**

"Dean? You plan on sleeping all day princess?"

"-ad...?"

"Yeah, it's me, you doing okay?"

"Guurrdd...stuufff...makes Deano vvuurryy happssyyy..." Dean giggled high on the meds right now.

"Well that's good to hear, I think," John snorted, '_my 17 year old, hard ass son just giggled...wow.'_

"He'll be better once he sleeps it off," the nurse snorted looking at Dean's dopey happy face.

"Gguurrdd to know...you're pretty..." he grinned.

"Thank you, I'll remember that when you come round handsome."

"Hehe...thanks...you seen Sammy? He's ccuuttiiee..."

"He's a cutie huh Dean?" John snorted finding a high Dean very hysterical.

"Not like that you big perrvve...he's cute...puppy eyes...you like him better than me right dad, soc of the puppy thing?" Dean asked serious...but not quite as he still had the swimming eyes.

"Dean? Son...I thought we went over this?" John asked totally serious now and the nurse left knowing she had to.

"You suck at trying to reaadd people old man...I was totally faking it...dude...I could be screaming in yeerr face that I hate hunting and shit...and how much it hurts when you ignore me...Dean Winchester, real and human, feelings and all, not the hunter soldier robot you want...I could scream in your face man and you still wouldn't get it...sorrrry...but sorry is just not gonna cut it," Dean said like 'oh no you didn't.'

"Dean? What are you talking about?" _'Dumb questioned! You know what he's talking about!'_

Dea thought for a moment..."to be honest...I do not have a clue matey..."

"Dean? Come on kiddo talk to me, Dean don't you dare fall asleep now...Dean?"

John sighed when he heard the snoring.

"Man I have screwed my kid up so bad..."

**~S/D~**

"I mean how the hell could I not see it 5 years ago?! Or 10 years ago?! How the hell did I let my own son slip through my fingers and turn him into this machine that just gets ignored?! I mean when did it get this bad?!" John yelled at Bobby, the room, and mostly himself as he paced in the corridor.

"Would you lower the volume? You wanna be kicked out?" Bobby hissed as he was forced to listen to his friend rant at himself.

"God...when was the last time I told him that I loved him? Or told him I was proud of him? Or even asked him how his day went?!"

"Dean," Bobby scolded but John was too wound up to listen.

"What if he hadn't found Sam? Or what if Sam hadn't found him? Where would Dean be now? I mean would I still be so ignorant to my son and so up my own ass in this hunt that he...what if Sam wasn't there? Dean could have died...holy crap my son could be dead right now...holy...ooh jeez..." John was gasping for breath as panic settled in its new home.

"John, John breath...in deep okay...remember the boys, you can't make it up to them if you have a heart attack...just cool it...in...out...in....out...." Bobby coached as he helped John sit down.

"I fucked...Dean...up...he's a mess...cos of me...how the hell...can I...make that...better...Bobby?"

"Well figure it out when you stop with the panic attack, you're turning blue here man."

"Sir? Can I squeeze in and help him out?" a nurse asked Bobby.

"He's good...just got a little over whelmed that's all...he's fine thanks."

"Still...it's my job to determine that," she smiled moving Bobby out of the way so she could go check over John. "Sir...can you take a deep breath in for me through your mouth, then out again...in...and out...that's it...your colors coming back, your breathings better...keep going..."

'_That's what I was doing you cow!' __– _

"My...boys..." he gasped when he was almost back to pink.

"Come on, I think the best thing for both of them right now is having each other, you need to take a step back, let Dean look after Sam on his own, and then Sam will be taking care of Dean as well...they just need each other and you can be there to ask how their day is and all that chick flick crap while givin em their space, got it? Sound like a plan?"

"Yeah...I guess...now...I need to get back in there..." John wheezed a few more times but brushed the nurse off and walking to the boys room.

"I tell ya what...I'll go down to the gift shop, buy em some things from you, that's a start right?"

John was about to say thanks, but when he saw both boys, pale, clammy and lonely on separate beds, all the sorrow came flooding back and the room seemed to get smaller.

"I...I'll go, if they wake up, tell em I love em..."

John walked out and down the hall to the stairs so fast Bobby swore he saw John shaped hole in the door.

"Hey Sam," he smiled sympathetically when he saw the boys eyes open and full of tears looking over at Dean, then him, then Dean again.

Bobby really wished he could move Sam closer to Dean like the little kid was longing to, but by Dr. Smith's orders, Dean was to stay in his own bed, get some rest and be free of any more pressure Sam might unwillingly put on him that could cause ruptures again.

"_**He's okay,"**_ he signed then sat down in the chair between the beds for if either boy needed anything. Then an idea popped into his head.

"**You know, if when Dean wakes up he sees you're better at this than him then he'll be really proud of ya, so would your dad and me,"** _'oh crap wrong kid, wrong dad...oh well...Sam seems okay with it.' _

The boy sniffled and sat up taking the offered paper and ASL books, _'I'll be good, Mr. Bobby wants me to learn for Dean...maybe I won't get it tonight if I'm good.'_

Bobby helped Sam prop himself up with an extra pillow from the side table and made sure the boy was comfy before he went to read for a few hours, he knew from past experiences, once you start on learning a language, you don't want to stop.

He pulled the covers up and laid the books gently to one side where the little was too slam to fit in the bed.

He smiled and Sam took one curious confused look, then turned to the book in front of him an opened it carefully not wanting to mess up any pages, _'that would get me a smack for sure.'_

**~S/D~**

"Grapes...no, Dean hates fruit. Cards?...not really the poet of get well soon....balloons?...that could work, what else?..."

After a lot talking to himself, wandering round with people looking at him funny, and smiles from old dears, John had finally settled on a huge dog balloon for Sam and a huge bag of peanut M & M's for Dean to eat when he was better.

"Oh man I gotta get em this," he grinned to himself when he saw the twisty rail of toy cars, and right there in front of him was a smooth silky black impala, it was a 70 but it was close enough.

John made his way to the check out smiling as he walked and set down the things for the boys.

"Lucky kid," the cashier woman said scanning the gifts.

"Not really."

John looked down ashamed, this only brought back all the birthdays and Christmases he missed, all the times Dean deserved a gift or two, and he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts he thought Dean never asked because Dean didn't want..._'what kid doesn't want a toy on his birthday?'_ he thought to himself like how stupid could he have been to come up with that.

"I'm sure he'll love them."

"They...both my kids are in here," John corrected as he handed his card over.

"I'm sorry...what's wrong with them?" she gasped and couldn't imagine how she would cope of both her sons were in here at the same time.

"One fell down the stairs and...the other...he got attacked, " _'it's close enough t the truth...why am I telling her this?'_

"Oh dear...my gosh...well, tell them to get well soon and to enjoy their gifts."

"Thanks," he nodded taking his bag and walking out slowly and miserably, but grateful the woman didn't pry anymore and let him go.

He shook his head getting out of his own self pity once more and ran for the stairs, he had two boys to make better.

"He left to go on a hunt or something? Bored of waiting around for me?" he heard Dean ask as he made his way down the hall to his boys' room.

"Dean no, he just...ah, speak of the devil," Bobby said when he saw a devastated John in the door way.

"Dean...I would never...ever, not ever leave you to go hunt if you're in here...not ever you hear me, not even f Sam wasn't here or if Bobby was here...I would never leave you if you're in hospital, you gotta believe me kiddo, please," John begged rushing to the bed and taking his sons hand in his own.

"You really mean that?" Dean choked with a scratchy voice from the emotions and the tube he had down his throat not a few hours ago.

"I swear on your mother's grave."

"Mom doesn't have a grave," Dean corrected.

"Well...I swear on her memory, and her stone in Kansas."

"Really?"

"Really Dean, I want you to know, I am so proud of you, and I love you," John smiled with tears coming down as he held squeezed his sons shoulder.

"D-dad?..." Dean was totally wierded out, with the chick flick, the tears, the sorrow...everything!

"I mean it Dean, I love you."

"Cristo," Dean mumbled, then just as his father got a flash of hurt over his eyes, he snorted and laughed at his own joke.

"You two are breaking my heart...and Sam's by the looks of it."

They turned to the boy on the bed, the crying boy, the lonely sobbing boy who was watching and felt so much like a third wheel he wanted to run from the room to just feel lonely on his own.

"Dad..." Dean pleaded wanting to get to Sam.

"Dean your doctor said-"

"I don't give a crap what the doc said, Sam needs me," Dean ordered to his father and Bobby.

"Okay, okay just stay put, I'll get Sam."

John tossed the now tear drenched book from Sam's lap to the floor and picked the boy up disconnecting the pulse monitor as he did so, then placed Sam down on Dean's bed where his eldest son was trying to sit up to wrap his arms round the blubbering little boy.

John saw how difficult it was for Dean to pull his bad arm up so he gently took the wrist of the left arm and wrapped it over Sam then tucked both boys in with Sam's blanket from the other bed and watched as they snuggled into each other.

"Hang on," Bobby whispered grabbing Brownie and tucking it next to the smallest kid.

"Get some sleep boys, we'll be here," John promised taking his seat and watching as two sets of breathing evened out.

Sam was sniffling still but you could tell he was a hell of a lot more cheered up now he had Dean to cling onto.

"Night boys," John said patting Dean's shoulder and moving Sam's long bangs from his eyes. "You know what...I think we're gonna be okay," John smiled, Bobby nodded in agreement even though he knew John was talking to the boys he was watching over. _'They would be okay...they have to be.'_

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Reviews? X **


	16. Bitter Sweet Bungalow

**Bitter Sweet Bungalow**

"You boys ready to go?" John asked walking in the room followed by a nurse. Then Dean got a horrific look on his face.

"Oh hell no, I got legs, I am not, no way in hell sitting in one of those," he gasped in terror looking at the wheelchairs in front of him.

"Dean look at this way, one its hospital policy, so you won't be leaving unless you get your ass in here, and two, Sam doesn't look up to walking down 4 flights of stairs anytime soon, and if you get in here, then he'll sit in the that one, and if you don't, the stubborn kid will just copy you and be a smart ass too. So...what's it gonna be?"

"You...that's blackmail!" he pouted.

"Yeah, so you get in this dang thing then sue me," John looked pretty pleased with himself as Dean grumbled under his breath and sat carefully in wheelchair the nurse had her hands on, _'no offence but I don't trust this woman to push Sammy, he'll be much happier if dad pushes him.' _

Sam carefully slipped from his bed he had been sleeping on with Dean, which was technically Dean's, then with John help the little kid slide into the wheelchair with ease and no complaints once he saw Dean sitting in the other one.

Sam felt the chair move and wheels role then gripped the groves of his shoes to the floor with his tightly curled feet making John come to a sudden forceful stop.

"Sammy?" Dean asked seeing the boy not too happy to leave.

The kid began to elaborate when he turned and pointed frantically to the balloon tide to the chair John always sat in.

"I got it," Bobby said smiling and shaking his head announcing his presence and walking to the chair quickly untangling the string.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief and lifted his feet from the floor with a wincing 'oops,' look on his face.

John patted the kid on the shoulder as to say it was okay then handed him the balloon that Bobby was passing.

Sam gave a blushing smile and turned when told to by Dean.

The set of hunters, and the extra kid left the hospital room, hoping never to see it again.

"By guys, Dean make sure you take your meds and take care of Sam, got it," Dr. Smith warned kindly from the nurse's station.

"Yes sir," he smiled overly sarcastic but with a hint of seriousness for the Sam part.

"John you got both prescriptions?" Bobby asked on his way down the hall as he nodded to nurses and people they'd met or said hello to over the last few weeks.

"Yup," John pulled his coat up to reveal 2 huge bags of pills in his inside pocket.

"Let's put this dump in our rear view mirror...no offence," he smiled charmingly when he saw the look on the cute nurse's face.

"None taken, take care of yourselves boys," she ruffled Dean's cropped spikes and smiled warmly at Sam knowing he didn't like to be touched much, other than by Dean of course.

Sam blushed and Dean chuckled at the kid as they were wheeled out by Bobby and John to the exit.

**~S/D~**

"Dad isn't Bobby's house left?" Dean asked from the backseat as he saw they were turning right.

"Yeah, but ours isn't," John said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"We're on the move for another hunt already aren't we?" Dean asked in a low voice that John knew was pissed.

"Nope," John smiled casually, not giving Dean anymore, wanting it to be a surprise.

"Dad where are we going? Motels aren't exactly a good place for Sam to rest you know," Dean snapped.

"Yeah, I know, it's not a good place for you to rest either," John had to remind Dean more times this week that he was the worst off in the two a million times but when he realised Dean was concentrating on Sam's health and happiness over his own, he seemed happier in himself strangely enough.

"Dad where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises," Dean stated in a smart ass tone.

"Yes you do, everybody likes surprises. Just go sleep Dean, we're gonna be on the road for at least another hour."

"Can't you just tell me, then I'll go to sleep?"

"Nope, sleep, now," he ordered, Dea truly looked like crap. Sam was pink and healthy looking right now in his peaceful slumber, he looked the best John had ever seen the kid look, it was Dean that looked like death warmed over still, but in true Dean style, the kid only thought of Sam.

"Fine," he huffed sinking down in his seat and pulling Sam in a little closer as he drifted off himself.

**~S/D~**

"Dean, Dean wake up kiddo, we're here," John whispered loud as he gently shook his eldest son.

"D-dad?"

"Yeah, come on sleeping beauty, let's get you inside."

Dean felt himself be pulled upwards and the hands on him tighten and send painful waves through his still wrapped arms. He whimpered then mentally kicked himself for sounding so weak.

"Sorry kiddo, looks like we should have taken one of those wheelchairs home with us."

"Mmmgg..." was Dean's only reply as his jaw tightened.

John put his son back down in the car seat and re-thought about how to get Dean inside.

'_Well, he'll kill me for this in the morning but oh well.'_

He hooked his arm under Dean's knees and the other round his sons broad back and lifted careful of the limp arms drooping down.

"I gotcha kiddo," he said kicking the Impala's door closed and walking to the house where Sam was already waiting.

When he saw Dean still asleep and being carried, Sam panicked, he rushed to Dean's side and tears stung his eyes.

"He's okay Sammy, just tired," John mumbled then walked down the hallway carrying his eldest knowing Sam would follow. He nodded for the boy to open the door he waited outside and Sam did so still biting his lip.

John walked to the closest bed and Sam knew what he needed to do, he ran to the bed and pulled back the covers then John laid Dean down and with Sam's help once again he covered the eldest kid up and tucked the covers right under his chin.

John left for a few seconds then re-entered with a glass of water and some pills.

He helped a half asleep Dean swallow then let the boy lay back on the pillow and fall asleep.

Sam stood there for a moment, watching as Dean turned and snuggled into the pillow and go back to snoring.

"_**Is he better yet?" **_the lost puppy look in Sam's eyes was killing John.

"_**Not yet, but he will be."**_

Sam looked disappointed at his answer and looked back to Dean pleading for him to be better.

"_**Television?" **_John asked seeing the boy too awake to sleep.

Sam wanted to shake his head, he wanted to stay with Dean, he wanted to sleep and protect Dean like Dean protected him, but he couldn't...he just couldn't say no, he didn't want John to get mad...John got mad lots of times...at the nurses and doctors...at Bobby, even at Dean, and it looked like John always won...the other person always looked scared when John yelled...so Sam nodded and walked out of the bedroom with the hunter...and he prayed wouldn't yell.

John got comfy on the couch and noticed Sam sitting at the far far end from him. The little boy was scared of him now Dean wasn't here and he knew it, hell the 100 year old bath tiles down the hall knew it!

John stood and messed with the TV for a few minutes before settling on a kid's channel, watching Sam more than the screen.

'_Well...shit!'_

John smiled at Sam when the boy turned to look at him, then stood when the pressure of the small kid's eyes was too much. He handed Sam the remote and walked to the kitchen, _'I got some food to cook.'_

**~S/D~**

"Dad? Sam?" Dean asked coming from the bedroom. It was dark out now and he wondered where he was and how in the hell he got in the almost really comfy bed.

"In here, dinners almost ready," John announced.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked leaning on the door frame on the kitchen. The effects of the medication were still in full swing and they made a weird cloud of fuzziness come over his brain so he leaned till it cleared some, _'nose diving, not so smooth.'_

"Couch."

Dean pushed himself back up shaking the fog some and walked whilst yawning trying to find a couch.

"Sammy?" he asked when he saw a sleeping boy on the soda in what he assumed was their new living room.

He smiled at the sight, Sam clutching onto Brownie and his thumb in his mouth with his face in the blanket over him, the kid looked no older than 5 right now.

But then the little boy whimpered...

"Sam?" Dean asked walking quickly to the couch where wailing could now be heard.

Not giving a crap about the throbbing in his arms Dean pulled Sam up and wrapping his arms round the mewing kid.

"Sammy wake up, it's okay."

"Dean?" John asked worried now also in the living room.

"I think he's having a nightmare."

"Water?" John asked knowing it worked well before.

"No, no he'll be okay, Sammy, wake up, I'm right here, nothing can get you, I'm right here."

Sam couldn't hear though, the flashing pictures in his mind were too loud.

...

"_I'm gonna rip him into pieces, and you Sammy boy are gonna watch..."_

"_N-no....please, take me..." Sam cried clinging to Dean._

"_Hey...wanna see a neat trick?"_

_Frank clicked his fingers and Dean screamed out._

"_Sammy!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! I'M HERE COS OF YOU!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"_

"_You hear that Sammy boy...he hates you...you're gonna get him killed...just like mommy and daddy, and he'll hate you for it...he hates you Sammy...he pities you..."_

"_No...dream...not real...it's not real!!"_

"_Oh but it will be...soon enough it will be...watch this..."_

"_Sam! YOU KILLED MY ONLY SON!! YOU KILLED DEAN!!! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TAKEN YOU IN!! YOU KILL EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!! I'M GONNA TEACH YOU THE MEANING OF PAIN, LIKE THE PAIN YOU PUT EVERYONE AROUNF YOU IN!!"_

"_No...please...I didn't mean to kill Dean...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..."_

...

"Sammy...Sammy...shh, its okay, nothing can get you while I'm here...we're gonna take care of you...its okay, shh its okay..."

'_Deanie?...not dead?....John wants to teach me a lesson...please I didn't mean to...I didn't...'_

"Sshh, it's okay Sammy, it's all gonna be okay."

When Sam realised he was back in the real world he let out a long loud sob and tried to pull away from Dean, not wanting him to end up like his mom and dad.

"Sammy, Sammy calm down kiddo, I gotcha," Dean cooed trying to hold on tighter to Sam.

Sam wanted to push off more, but he knew it might hurt Dean like before if he did...so he stopped moving and slumped his shoulders down as he cried.

"I know, I know, it'll get better, I promise Sammy it won't always be like this."

John watched but knew he had to give the boys space, this is the thing Bobby was talking about, he had to let Dean have moments like this, so he could feel useful and wanted again. So John left the boys to it, keeping one eye on the hallway and the other on the food he was cooking he carried on.

**~S/D~**

After a good 10 minutes of tears Sam stopped them and Dean suggested they go take a tour of their new bungalow. On the way past Dean grumbled a thanks to his father, "How did you pay for this?" he asked feeling a mixture of guilt and suspiciousness.

"Doesn't matter, just go take look round, tell me what you think."

'_Okay that is definitely weird...' _

They carried on walking slow with Sam to check out the other rooms, and Dean tried to push the scepticism to the back of his mind.

The bathroom needed work, the living room needed a good dust, and the bedrooms needed some paint on the walls. John told both boys they would be staying there for at least a few months, for school purposes and what not, so it would be a good idea if the both of them settled on colors to paint the house.

The room Dean was a bit iffy about checking out was the room left for his dad, they had never had separate rooms before, so it was weird and he felt like he wasn't allowed in his father's bedroom.

"You wanna paint this playboy pink don't ya?" John smirked when he saw the boys standing outside his door.

"Nar, spring lilac," Dean joked and snuck his head in when John opened the door and walked in to grab his bag.

'_Man this room is gross!'_ was Dean firth thought when he saw inside, spiders webs, old rotten something's on the floor, nails sticking up the wrong way, grotty falling apart mattress and bed post, and not even a wardrobe!

"Dad you're not seriously sleeping in here are you?"

'_He could get tetanus!'_

"I know it's a little messy but I only had time to clean the other rooms," John defended finally giving an explanation for where he went for 2 hours in the afternoon everyday in the last 2 week.

'_I thought he was hunting or something.'_

"So, who wants spaghetti?" John asked zipping his bag walking out and closing the door before the boys could see anymore of the mess.

"Dad you can't sleep in there," Dean gasped shocked at how little his father seemed to care for the trash, even Sam was pulling a face and turning green.

"Which one is the father here?" John questioned with his hands on his hips.

"Dad...can't we help clean in here while you make dinner?"

"One, no cos the dinners already ready, and two, with your two's injuries, no way in heaven or hell, now git," he said not moving from his doorway till the boys moved.

"Whatever, sorry for looking out for you."

'_Crap...how can I have gotten THAT wrong?!'_

"Dean, I didn't mean it like that okay, I was...I wanted to get you boys room and others you might use ready, I didn't really think about my room till I saw that this morning, I'll sleep on the couch if that makes you feel better."

"Yeah...I guess."

"Good, now, food, I'm starving, you boys hungry?"

"Hell yeah! Sammy?"

Sam nodded when Dean signed for food.

They started walking to kitchen and Sam got a wave of dizziness once again, this was the first spell since he was admitted to the hospital, but it wasn't that bad.

"Sammy? Okay...just breathe though it kiddo," Dean coached holding onto Sam as tight as his weak muscles allowed him to. Knowing what the doctor said about not being able to do anything about the dizzy spells Sam might have sometimes, he just had to help the kid ride them out and make sure he wasn't going to fall downstairs anytime soon.

Dean then took note that this house didn't have any stairs_, 'think that was conscious decision? Or was this house the cheapest?' _

"Dean, you boys doing okay?" John asked when he saw Sam stop swaying.

"Yeah, were good," Dean nodded. _**"Let's eat Sam, and pray he doesn't poison us,"**_ he signed and spoke for comic purposes.

"I heard that."

Sam giggled watching Dean pull a dramatic horrified face as they walked towards the kitchen table.

**~S/D~**

"Night boys," John smiled standing at the doorway of their room. Both kids had taken their meds and were now tucked in separately on new clean sheets, both relieved the covers didn't rustle like the steam boiled hospital ones.

"Night dad."

Sam smiled nervously from his own bed at the tall man in the doorway as his own version of goodnight.

"I promise I'll sleep in the living room," John joked turning out the light and shutting the door gently.

Just when he was settling down on the couch for the night John felt his phone ring in his pocket.

"Yeah?" he said after looking at the caller ID.

"_John, everything okay over there at the new place?"_

"Yeah, yeah the boys are tucked in, they're good thanks," he answered knowing Bobby was asking about the kids welfare, not his.

"_Any mishaps in the day?" _

"Well uh, Sam had a nightmare but Dean got him settled and uh...my rooms still gross so I'm sleeping on the couch, Dean's orders, but besides that, it's okay."

"_Good, listen I got a hunt this week so I can drop your truck off then I gotta go, the boys be okay till Sunday?"_

"Yeah, yeah they'll be fine, I'm sure they can cope 6 days without their uncle Bobby."

"_Well, night John, look after those kids,"_ John knew that was more of a warning than it sounded like.

"Will do, night man."

"_Night." _

And the call was ended...

"What's he think I'm gonna do to em?" John asked himself flopping down on the couch.

He pulled the throw over himself after kicking off his boots and grabbed the remote falling asleep to 'the good, the bad and the ugly.'

**~S/D~**

At about 4am John woke to something creaking.

He stood, clicked the safety off his gun he laid on the coffee table and went towards the sound.

He pushed his boys door open and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sam getting comfy in Dean's bed.

"Guess I should have bought a queen size," he smirked before closing the door and going back to his makeshift bed and dropping off once more.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Hope that was okay x **


	17. The Only Exception

**The Only Exception**

"Okay, one of those...one of those, 2 of those...and one of those," John mumbled to himself as he laid out all the pills the boys needed.

He placed the right ones in separate glasses and put a glass of water down next to each then he served up the food he got from the diner not minutes ago.

Once happy with his table setting he walked to the boys' room, pushed the door open and went to Dean first.

"Dean, kiddo time to wake up," he said shaking the kid.

"5 muuure minutes," he moaned turned over to face the wall.

"Dean, breakfast is served," he smirked knowing that would get Dean's attention, and sure enough, it did. Dean turned and sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Knowing the routine by now he shook himself awake and then went to gently nudge Sam next to him.

"Sammy, time to get up...unfortunately," he added getting a look of sarcasm from his father.

"Cheer up kiddo, school ain't that bad, we're doing it right this time, I've checked it out Dean, school has a good rep."

"Yeah, easy for a piece of paper to say, I swear if anyone tries anything with Sammy-"

"You'll kick their ass, I got it, don't blame you, now get dressed, breakfasts getting cold."

John walked from the room giving the boys some alone time, Sam was sure to be tense and scared today, needing time to be settled by Dean more than ever.

**~S/D~**

Dean gave Sam proud thumbs up when the kid got dressed and brushed his teeth after eating.

"Not bad Sammy, not bad," he grinned taking in the sight in front of him.

Sam was dressed in a red flannel shirt with a white t-shirt under neither because Dean told him it was cold. His new jeans were a little rough from being so _new_ but he could get used to it and the best thing, his shoes actually fit, they weren't crushing his toes for once. His mop hair was still a little shaggy but Sam was defiantly working the neat-ish bed head look.

"_**Come on, we better get downstairs or we're gonna be late."**_

When Dean smiled and walked off thinking Sam would follow the little kid got a look of terror on his face and began to shake.

"Come on dude," Dean coached running quickly down the stairs.

Sam followed slowly, _'I don't wanna...please don't make me...I'm scared...'_

"You boys ready?" John asked and signed for them both, smiling proud at his well groomed boys.

"Yeah," Dean nodded picking up his bag, not letting Sam see his scowl as he walked out the door.

'_Don't be such a wimp, Dean's not a wimp...why are you?! Freak...'_ he muttered to himself as he picked up his own new school bag and walked out the door following the older two Winchesters to the Impala.

**~S/D~**

"So this is all your paper work, if anything changes just let us know, and...I think you're ready to start your first day at Wilmington High," the principal smiled handing over copies of the boys details John he had given them.

"Thanks, so uuh...we'll see ya at 3:30 dad?"

"Yup, have fun kids, if I'm late it's because I'm job hunting."

"Yes sir, see ya," _'I know what THAT means, asshole.'_ "Come on Sammy, let's go find your class," Dean put a kind arm over Sam's shaking shoulders and pulled him to the door.

'_No...no...no please...'_

Sam slammed his head into Dean's chest and let his legs give out so he couldn't be pulled closer to the room full of mean kids.

"Whoa, Sammy, Sammy you okay?" Dean asked frantically thinking Sam was having another dizzy spell.

Sam shook his head and began to sob clinging to Dean like a life line.

"...eaa...eeaaa...." Sam whimpered trying to say 'please,' like he practised.

"Sammy? Did...did he just try to talk?" Dean asked shocked looking up at his father.

"Sir? Is your son okay?"

John ignored the woman and knelt down in front of Sam as Dean held the boy to his chest and rubbing a soothing hand through the kid's hair.

The eldest man took a long look in Sam's eyes and almost cried when he saw the amount of terror and fear he found there.

"Eeaa....eaaasseee!" Sam whimpered.

"Ssshh, it' okay Sammy. There's. Nothing. To. Be. Scared. Of. Here," he knew it was weird, but somehow it just felt better to speak these kinds of words to Sam, not sign them, that was impersonal and cold in situations like this where Sam needed comfort more than the actual words. "Right?" he asked the woman after.

"Of course," she nodded talking in both a sensitive and professional manner.

"Pp...eeaasee....!" Sam cried overly loud rocking himself as flashes of his old school and the pain he was put through in those years ran through his brain.

"Sshh Sammy," Dean said hugging Sam's shaking hands down and trying not to get hit with the cast that was still on. _**"I'll be right round the corner, you need me, don't think just run." **_

Sam looked up and as more tears fell down he silently asked 'you promise?' Dean simply smiled and nodded.

"Is that okay, if Sam thinks its too much he can just run to Dean?" John asked standing up.

"Well, technically no but...how about he runs to my old office and then we send Dean to Sam? That way we can work around dodging the fire regulations and stuff."

"Where's your old office?"

"The small blue door next to Sam's classroom, no one uses it and we keep it unlocked so...I'll let his teachers know if Sam just takes off then there's a reason."

"Thanks....thank you," John said shaking the woman's hand as Dean explained the new plan to Sam and they sat there on the floor while he took his time in calming down.

**~S/D~**

"Just breathe kiddo, it's gonna be okay, just take deep breaths," John coached as they inched towards the room, Dean was told to go to his class, he didn't go easy but he found a way around and said he was going to go check out the small office and make sure it was okay for Sam to use as a hide out.

"Not too shabby," he mumbled then sneezed when he got to cloud of dust.

It was still early so kids in Sam's year were still outside chatting and things, _'whatever kids get up to these days'_ so the room was empty except from the teacher. '_Female...okay, that might be better for the kid.'_

"Hey, sorry we're kinda early."

"No problem, always nice to see fresh faces before the bell goes," she smiled.

"_**So will you be okay now kid?"**_ John asked kneeling down so he was face to face with the kid.

Sam shook his head, sure this lady seemed nice, kinda sympathetic, but then again they all were at the start, till they got past his dimples and realised Sam cause more trouble than he was worth, or at least that's how he saw it.

"Sam, it's okay," John started but was interrupted by the teacher.

"Sam is it?" she asked kindly setting her papers down and walking to the pair.

"Yeah, sorry uuh, his last school was kinda rough so he's a little shaken up, it's his first day back in a while."

"Well no worries, I have a strict no bully policy in my classroom, if I see any of any kind, that's it, they're out," she said knowing what John meant, she pretty much had Sam pegged when she saw the sign language and the way Sam held himself. "But my kids this year are actually pretty sweet, I'm sure Sam will make friends soon enough if they have anything to say about it," she smiled.

"_**Yeah hear that Sammy? Kids are awesome here, you'll fit right in."**_

"Mr...?"

"Winchester, but please call me John."

"Well John, um...would you like me to call in some support for Sam? Learning wise?" she asked.

"He's not stupid," John snapped.

"I'm sorry that came out wrong...would you like me to ask for someone to come and sit with Sam so he can have some help in lessons? Someone fluent in ASL?" she asked.

"Really? You can have someone come help Sam?" John asked shocked, poor Sam was standing there confused and almost breaking with the pressure of knowing they were all talking about him but not knowing what they were saying.

'_They're probably deciding which is the best way to get rid of you!'_

"Won't that be like putting a flashing light over his head telling kids he's different?"

"Well...it can seem like it at first but...what were Sam's grades in his last school?"

"Um...B's and A's I think..."

"Wow...well um...did he have help in his last school?" she asked thinking that could be the only explanation for Sam's high grades.

"No, like I said it was rough, according to Dean, my eldest son...they just handed Sam a book and made the kid read, they never really helped him...at all, Sam even told him once that the uh...teachers seemed to spur the bullies on."

"Oh my...well I can absolutely assure you that will never happen here...did he report these teachers or bullies?"

"No...he had no one to report anyone to...don't you get it...till Dean found him, Sam had no one," _'why the hell am I telling this woman about Dean and Sam's life story?'_

"I'm um...I'm sorry, so uh...can I call someone to help Sam?" she asked getting back to the subject and hoping she hadn't just overstepped her mark into her new students personal life.

"Can we uh...can we see how he goes for a few weeks?" John asked not wanting to give Sam another reason to feel like an outsider, or as Sam would think, 'a freak.'

"Sure, it's Sam's choice so...course," she nodded.

"I'm sure Sam will make up his mind later, right kiddo? Oh crap..." '_all this time we were talking about Sam I didn't even see how many tears were down his face.'_ "Hey, hey Sammy, shh, it's okay, you're okay," John smiled rubbing Sam's back up and down as he sobbed silently.

"Would he like a glass of water or something?" Miss Hall asked seeing how distraught Sam was. _'Wow, poor kid, his last school must worse than I imagined!'_

"Sam? Dad what the hell did you say to him?" Dean asked in the doorway now shocked at how much Sam was shaking and crying _'I didn't leave him like this!'_

"Nothing, nothing I haven't said anything, Dean we were just talking about how to maybe get someone in to help Sam," John defended but Dean wasn't hearing any of it.

"Why don't you go home, job hunt," he spat, "I'll call you if anything happens," he was cold but right now, he didn't care.

"I'll be back at 3:30, have a good day kids," John mumbled before leaving.

"Um...Dean? Would you two like to have a few minutes alone?" Miss Hall asked seeing how strong the bond was between them and knowing the older one wouldn't leave until the younger was at least smiling.

"Just give me a minute," he snapped a little too harsh. "Sammy, hey come on, please stop crying," Dean begged turning Sam to face him and hugging him tight before pulling back. _**"You wanna go home?"**_

Sam was just about nod like hell, then he thought, _'great! You're even more of pain! What's wrong with a few kids calling me names and beating on me a bit? I've had it for years so why is so scary now?!'_

"_**No,"**_ Sam signed back, shaking still but stopping the tears with all he had.

"That's my boy," Dean grinned proud the kid was giving it a go.

"_Stop being a wuss! Stop being a WUSS!! You worthless shit!"_ Frank yelled making him swallow back more tears.

Dean saw Sam settle pretty quick and thought it was a good thing so he smiled then went on to say, _**"I gotta go now, will you be okay?"**_

"_**Yes," **_Sam nodded biting his lip_, 'so much for those pills working, can't I have more? I'm not happy yet! She said I would get happier! That stupid doctor said I would get happier!!!'_

"_Would you quit whining! After all these people have done for you! You're still being a little whiney bitch! This how you acted with mommy and daddy?! No wonder they left you for 6 feet under instead of having to listen to you till the day you die!"_

"_**Atta boy, I gotta go, have fun, you'll be fine, see you at break,"**_ he ruffled the kids bangs and walked out leaving Sam with the nice teacher.

Miss Hall pointed to one of the chairs, Sam wiped the drying tears and took that as 'would you like to sit?'

He silently walked over to the very back chair looking at the floor the entire time and sat down still with his cheek in-between his teeth.

Miss Hall sighed at how frightened Sam still was but got on with work waiting for other kids to come in and trying to work out a way for her to do the classes from now on so Sam could follow with ease but not make it look like she was obviously giving the one deaf child extra aids.

**~S/D~**

"Okay kids, I'm sure you've all seen we have a new student at the back, his names Sam, I want to warn you now, any bullying will not, under any circumstances be tolerated to new students or anyone for that matter."

"Uh Miss...no offence but...none of us bully," Timmy Scott moaned.

"Thank you Timmy but I'm pretty sure I'm the teacher here, which means I'm the only one that talks when I want."

"Sorry Miss," he winced, he was only saying.

"Okay, now Sam is deaf," everyone in the class gasped then and turned to face Sam who was trying to hide in his desk knowing this was the introduction speech. "Ah-hem!" Miss Hall scolded and all the kids turned back round to face her.

She sighed feeling bad for all the kids, Sam was just scared out of his wits and rightly so, and the others were only being human, if someone told her that one of her co-teachers was deaf or ill or had some kind of disability she would turn to face them and have a good look, it's a natural human instinct to be curious.

"Okay, kids...like I said, any bullying, and you're out of my class, for real and forever, so basically what I'm saying is...please make Sam feel welcome, even just a wave or a nod in the corridor will be enough I'm sure. But jut a quick warning...he has an older brother right round the corner," that said enough, some of the louder kids winced, yeah...big brothers can be scary as hell, especially when they were in a class room round the corner...meaning he was a senior.

"Uh Miss?" Kate asked putting her hand up.

"Yes?" Miss smiled her way glad some of them weren't too scared to ask questions.

"Um...Sam um...how do we say hello and stuff?" she asked giving Sam a quick glance then looking back to the front.

"Well...if some of you guys are interested, maybe some of you would like to look up a few ASL words to say hello...now I can't force it as its not on the curriculum but, just doing it at break times or at home looking some things up, it might be good for you, something to add to your college applications in a few years."

"Cool."

"Awesome."

"Huh..." a few of them nodded.

"Good, now it's the first day back so we've got another hour to kill but just look at it on the bright side, you get out of math today," Miss Hall laughed knowing these kids hated math.

"Yes!" most of them cheered.

"So, I was gonna do some quizzes but...how about team work? Easy and passes time."

They nodded happy about that and right on cue they started moving chairs and tables round like they had them for group work.

Sam was still sat shaking a little at his desk, he stood when he saw everyone moving and pushing desks to the side of the room and leaving chairs in the middle.

"_Move you freak!" _he heard Frank yell.

'_Dean...want Dean...I want Dean!'_

He felt a hand on his sleeve and he flinched away not wanting a punch today.

"Oh sorry," Nathan Saunders winced.

Sam looked to the floor feeling embarrassed.

"Um...can. I. Move. Your. Desk?!" he asked slow pointing to the desk and nudging it a little. Sam only understood the nudging, not the words, but that just made him feel stupid...he nodded anyway moving so he wouldn't get in the way anymore.

The rest of the class was pretty slow for Sam, the teacher was writing everything down on the board making him feel far too self-conscious, some of the kids would smile awkward at him when he looked up when he had to, but in the group work of 'let's make a tower out of paper' and things like that, Sam just twitched his feet and looked to the floor till the teacher suggested they moved on, again giving Sam another sympathetic smile.

That was the best thing about Dean, he was empathetic towards Sam but not in a patronising way, and he never smiled giving him pity either like all these, so to sum it all up...Sam was having a sucky day, and he hadn't even gotten to recess where he knew he was gonna get a beating or two... _'maybe Dean will find me before they can make my nose bleed again.'_

The bell didn't ring in Sam's ears but he saw other kids standing up and smiling once again as they passed him and walked out of the classroom.

Miss Hall smiled too when he stood and put his bag over his shoulder with his good hand and walked out looking to the floor and bumping into some others. They would give him a look but nothing more and he quickly found himself in the small office Dean told him to wait at.

"Hey Sammy," Dean grinned when the kid walked in the door, he was a little shaky but otherwise seemed okay.

Sam looked up, killed Dean with his puppy eyes, then looked to the floor wanting nothing more than to crawl in some deep dark hole and never come out.

Dean sighed at the poor kid, then placed his arm over Sam's shoulders and walked out of the room almost pushing Sam back t the outside world. As cruel as it sounded, he had to get used to it sooner rather than later, and he had to learn that not everyone out in the world is out to get him.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Was that okay? **


	18. Side Salad

**Side Salad**

"_**Ready to go?"**_ Dean asked the kid at the end of the day.

Sam nodded, but that was all.

"_**You okay?"**_ Dean asked worried at how distant Sam was being, though he wasn't physically.

Sam nodded once again a little better but still not easing Dean's concern.

"_**Your teachers okay?"**_ he asked trying to get it out of the kid.

Sam nodded, _'not was I hoping for but it will do.'_

Sam's teachers were fine, some were a little nervous about the new responsibility they had in their classroom but smiled anyway and did their best to help him, some were overly kind and got on Sam's nerves, and one was a little strange and smelt funny. So far, nothing Dean said about every kid has a favourite teacher, has come true.

"_**Anyone mess with you?"**_

Sam shook his head and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards.

"_**Good,"**_ Dean smiled and just realised Sam was a little overwhelmed today and he probably just needed time to adjust to the fact that no one will hit him, bully him or make him sad in any way, EVER again if Dean has anything to say about it.

**~S/D~**

"So you boys have a good day?" John asked when both of them climbed in the back of the Impala.

"Yeah?" Dean said totally wierded out he was asking John more than giving him an answer. "Any luck with the _jjjoobbb_ hunting?" he asked putting the biggest emphasis on the word job and dragging the word out as long as he could trying to smile and pretend everything was hunky dory to Sam as the kid buckled himself in silently.

"Yes...and it's not what you think Dean," John sighed wondering how long this trust thing would take. He was beginning to lose his patience because he was working his ass off to be as considerate as hell in every word he said, everything thing they did together from the TV to the meals they ate for the last month now and Dean didn't seem to care about even trying.

"Well enlighten me then!" the older kid snapped too harsh even he himself felt a little guilty.

"Dean, watch your tone, I get that I've been hard on you,"_ 'yeah if that's what I'm calling it now,_' "and I've apologized about that a hundred times and more, but I won't take this sarcastic smart ass attitude any longer, grow up Dean, at least some of us are actually trying!" he yelled then regretted it not a flash of a second later and mostly because he just compared Dean to Sam when he gave a slight hint of pride when he looked at the little mop haired kid that wasn't covered in bruises for the first time since they'd know him.

"I think I'll walk home," Dean mumbled picking up his backpack and sliding out of the seat miserably before closing the door behind him.

"Dean, get in the car," John sighed resisting the urge to slam his own head into the steering wheel.

Dean just looked at his shoes...then started to walk across the road ignoring his father's calls that turned to pleads...then morphed into yells and orders the further away he walked and the closer he got to their small home.

"Dean! Get in the car that's an order!" John yelled now standing outside the car, his left leg still in but his other standing on the pavement.

Dean froze at those words...he turned his pained hurt face toward John.

"It's always an order," he said sounding like a wounded puppy, it was like a stab in the chest for John, but sure enough Dean turned, then walked once again.

He wasn't mad, he wasn't even mad his dad was yelling in front of Sam, he was just too hurt to be mad at anything or anyone right now...so he walked, heard the Impala start back up, heard his father yelling again, then saw the hurt look on Sam's face.

The little guy tried to get out of the car but John knew what the kid would try and do, he would want to run after Dean, but it was just too risky for the kid to hurt himself and Dean would never forgive himself if something happened, if Sam ran frantically across the road and got hurt in the process. So he locked the doors, turned to give Sam an apologetic look when he was done yelling, then drove off knowing he would have to make it up to them once they had all cooled down.

**~S/D~**

"Hey Sammy," Dean greeted when he came in through the door dragging his feet and dumping his bag. "Sammy?" he asked when no mop of brown hair came into his sights.

"Dean, son I'm-"

"Where the hell is Sam?!" Dean yelled not bothered about the apology his father was just about to hand out.

"Bedroom," John stated pinching the end of his nose knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with hisapologies_._

Dean half growled while he past his dad going down the small dark hallway to their room.

"Sam?" he asked knocking and not sure why.

Sam was sat on the bed, his legs bent like a genii with Brownie sat in the middle of his folded lap.

"Hey," Dean smiled like everything was normal going in the bedroom.

Sam huffed looking at the top of Brownies fury head not meeting Dean's eyes.

"_**Sorry about earlier,"**_ Dean winced.

Sam turned and faced the wall mad.

"Sam," he sighed putting his hand on Sam's bony shoulder then made the boy turn his pouting mad face then said, "I'm. Sorry," making Sam crumble.

The kid nodded like he was just agreeing, not like he was accepting the sorry for Dean leaving him with the huge dude that he had nightmares about sometimes.

"_**Hey, you wanna play some baseball?"**_ Dean asked grinning at the idea.

Sam got a flash off fear and confusing, how the hell could he play baseball? One, he had a broken hand, two he had no coordination what's so ever, and three...he was DEAF!

"_**You're even crazier than I thought,"**_ he joked with a dimple coated smile before dropping his eyes and looking back to Brownie feeling a little embarrassed.

"_**Come on,"**_ Dean pushed then moved to his still unpacked crap to find his dads old mitt.

Sam frowned and shook his head when Dean found it and got a huge grin on his face. But the older one wasn't taking no for an answer, or in Sam's case _'I can't do it,'_ as an answer. He took the bear from Sam, put him down carefully on his own bed knowing Sam would have a fit if he just tossed the stuffed toy onto the pillow then pulled Sam with his good hand up off the bed and pushed the little nervous kid to the door and round to the front yard as he gripped his sweaty hands to the fabric of his sleeves that were a little too long.

Dean saw the little twitches Sam was doing and it made him look so cute. It was weird how some things were so beyond Sam's years in the way he acted like the sadness he carried over him most times and how alone he was for all those years that forced him to be a tidy freak, but other things, like the stuffed bear, like the thumb sucking, like the twitching shuffling feet, like the hugs and the tears with a drop of a hat...he was so young for a 13 year old right now...but that just spurred Dean need to protect him even more.

"_**Watch the cast, don't hit yourself in head,"**_ Dean joked then began to show Sam how to throw and catch.

**~S/D~**

John frowned when the kids walked out the door, he followed them, he knew they wouldn't take off together but he still had the nagging feeling that told him to go check what they were up to, he couldn't lose Dean, and he couldn't lose Sam, Mary would kill him if he blew his second chance again.

He tried to swallow the nagging and just followed them, tip toeing making sure they didn't catch him.

They closed the front door when they got out of it so John went to the window to see where they were going, _'surely Dean would tell me if he was going somewhere.'_

"Oh thank god," he breathed when they stopped at the grass and he saw Dean with his old ratty glove and baseball.

He smiled proud watching them, Sam was doing good, he was learning quick and only almost hit himself in the face once when he tried to catch the ball with his plastered hand.

Having enough of being an outsider John grabbed the boys jackets as something to use as an excuse then walked out the front door taking a deep breath as he did so, _'god they're kids, they're MY kids...why the hell am I so nervous?!'_

"Boy, it's getting pretty cold out here, why don't you put your coats on," he suggested holding them out as he stood on the porch. "We should put some chairs out here if you boys want, or one of those swing bench things," he said when Den took the jackets trying not to glare too much. "Maybe some new gloves, one each?" he said sitting down on the step making conversation. "Its okay, Sammy likes this one," Dean told him without spitting his words and they were both surprised.

"Okay, we'll just get one for you then," John stated without asking, just telling Dean he was going to buy him a new one.

Dean just nodded nervously almost waiting for his dad to go back inside or something.

"Carry on, I'm just gonna sit here and watch the world go by," John said leaning back in the step above the one he was sitting on.

"Okay..." Dean shook his head trying not to feel watched as he went on to toss the ball a little harder to Sam.

**~S/D~**

"Woohoo!! Wait a go Sammy!" Dean cheered when he tossed the ball really hard and in the completely wrong direction on purpose and Sam caught it better then he could.

Sam blushed biting his lip so he wouldn't grin and split his face in two.

"Up high!" Dean said raising his hand and Sam knuckled fived him with the cast.

John was sitting there still smiling proud as he watched his boys.

"Dad when's dinner?" Dean asked.

That caught John completely off guard with how normal this looked, how normal that question was, how normal Dean asked it, how normal it was for him to be sitting outside on an evening watching his kids play ball...it was so normal, it was freaky!

"Uh...I'll go find something if you want...?" John said knowing he needed to go shopping.

"No it's okay, me and Sammy can go out and search for a pizza hut or something," Dean told him with a slight smile as he took off the mitt and told Sam to toss him the ball.

"_**You kids tired?"**_ John asked in both ways to both boys having an idea.

"Uh no...not really."

"_**No."**_

"_**Why don't we go out, diner or something?"**_

"Uh...sure," Dean nodded

Sam nodded, _'going out for dinner? Wow...I've never been out for dinner ever! Should I get a shower and change into some fancy clothes?' _Sam asked himself feeling nervous about going out for his first ever fancy dinner.

**~S/D~**

"Woh-ho!" Dean half yelled when a very dressy Sam came down the stairs, the kid had even brushed his hair into a comb over type thing. _**"What's the occasion?"**_ Dean asked grinning at Sam and trying to keep the proud laughter in not wanting the kid to think it was another kind of laughter.

Sam's heart stopped , was he being totally stupid?! Had he just totally made himself look even more of a freak? _'Dean wasn't tucking his shirt in, Dean hadn't changed his socks four times trying to make them match with his shirt, Dean didn't have stupid church boy comb over hair...what did I do wrong?'_

"Hey," Dean lifted Sam's chin so they were looking right at each other hoping the look in his eye would be enough to settle the kid when he saw Sam start to get worked up, _**"give me a sec to get ready too you know,"**_ he told Sam then took his jacket off, buttoning the front of his flannel, then tucked his shirt in like he'd never done before in his life...okay that was a lie, he did tuck his shirt in once years ago when his mom dragged him to Sunday school when he just turned 4, but not ever again he swore himself when he saw the other kids laughing..._ 'well screw that, Sammy looks cute, so maybe I can pull off the look too.' _

"You kids ready?" John asked then smiled at the matching pair. "You guys are making me feel under dressed," he joked then walked out the door leaving it swinging for them.

"Hang on," Dean said turning Sam round to face him, then ruffled his hair so it was back to the messiness, _**"it's just a diner Sam, the hairs a little over kill," **_he chuckled when the kid gave an annoyed look when he carried on messing Sam's hair right over his eyes.

He grumbled and pushed the hair out of his face in a huff.

"You do make me laugh Sammy," he said to himself as they walked out of the house putting their coats back on.

**~S/D~**

"So what do you kids want?" John asked looking at the menu.

"Uh...burger, fries, extra onions!" Dean stated being happy and childish like he hadn't in a long time, "oh and pie! You can't forget the pie," he told everyone in the diner.

"Boy do I feel for Sam having to sleep in the same room as your extra onion breath tonight," John mumbled snorting to himself.

"Bite my fury ass cheeks!" Dean whined being over dramatic for Sam's benefit to get him to laugh, he was going to do everything to make sure Sam enjoyed this meal.

"Excuse me, your sons being loud and rude," a woman from the next table said with a bitch face.

"He's a kid, he's supposed to be loud," he told the bitch smartly, smiling then lifting his menu once again to block her out just to piss her off that bit more.

"Cristo," Dean coughed.

"Haha," John said swatting Dean over the head with the laminated paper in his hand.

"Don't you usually...like yell at me if someone embarrasses the great John Winchester like that?"

"Do I?" John asked ashamed of himself, did he really yell at Dean if some bitch told him Dean was being loud or swearing too much or something? "Sorry," he sighed dropping his eyes to the table.

"Sammy you like pie?" Dean asked a little brighter hoping they could get past the awkward subject needing for this to be a good evening.

When Dean pointed to the apple pie Sam pulled an 'ick!' face making John laugh.

"Guess that's a no," he snorted.

"Fine, all the more for me," Dean smirked for real, for the first time in a long time at John.

Sam's eyes were scanning the menu when he started having trouble keeping up with Dean and Johns banter, he pulled a face when Dean asked him about pie, then moved on further down the menu...he'd never had a choice like this before...

'_But look at the prices...I think I like chicken but they wouldn't be happy if I chose that! I should just get a lettuce leaf or something.' _

Sam pointed pretending to be overly interested in the salad, and both older Winchesters frowned...that was a free side dish, that nobody ever ate!...Not a meal!

"**Burger?" **

"**Fries?"**

"**Cake?"**

"**Pizza?"**

"**Ribs?"**

"**Steak?!"**

"_**Come on Sam, give us something kid,"**_ John pleaded when Sam shook his head at everything they suggested.

Sam again pointed to the salad.

"_**No way is that all you're eating son,"**_ John told the kid serious then folding his arms.

Sam pointed once again tapping the '_comes with free salad,'_ sentence with his puppy eyes in full force now they even made Dean want to just order the salad, he knew he would cave so he just sat back and hoped he would pick something before they all started tearing up.

"_**No, you're eating a proper meal,"**_ John told the kid with a loving yet slightly agitated face making Dean wince at how Sam would take the tough love, he really hoped Sam wouldn't cry, not today..._ 'Please let the kid have one day free of sadness and bullshit!'_

"_**Choose before I choose for you,"**_ John warned not messing around, _'the kid is going to eat at least 2000 calories one of these days if it kills me!' _Sam bit his lip...Dean bit his too hoping wails weren't about to come.

"_**Now....that's an order."**_

Shockingly...Sam's eyes and index finger drifted to '_BBQ chicken'_ on the adults side no less.

"BBQ chicken it is," John stated unfolding his huge arms and breaking his serious face into a smile as he nodded proud at Sam for choosing and proud at Dean for not yelling at him saying he was being too mean to Sam. He let out a sigh of relief with how well that went, '_Dean doesn't look pissed at me for ordering Sam to do something...he looks like he's saying thanks actually...and Sam looks pretty okay right now...no tears!'_

"You guys ready to order?" the waitress asked smiling as she lifted pen to paper already knowing the answer.

"Yeah uh...can we have burger and fries-"

"Extra onions!"Dean insisted.

She laughed at him and the woman from behind huffed in disgust.

Sam turned and glared at her, stuck out his tongue then smiled angelically once again facing forward in his seat.

Dean couldn't do anything but laugh in hysterics at that, he and John both went beat red and even the waitress was laughing and wiping away tears.

"Nice one Sammy!"

Dean laughed patting the kid on the back.

"Oh I can't breathe!" he laughed as his sides started burning.

Sam was sitting looking adorable still, trying to hide his own laughter with his glass of coke.

"Ooohh...you think we can order now in peace?" John asked when he had calmed his amusement down enough to speak.

"Carry on....extra onions..." the waitress Kathy said biting her cheek, she had to admit, what the cute sweetheart just did, sticking his tongue out and huffing like posh spice...was the funniest cutest thing she'd seen in a long time.

"Uh...yeah onions...fries...um..." Dean was still having a hard time so he just snorted once more making everyone in the diner smile or shake their heads in a good way, well, everyone apart from the woman that was now huffing and puffing.

"BBQ chicken for the rebel, and streak for me thanks, and 3 more cokes," John finished for them as he shook his head once more and laughed at Sam still sitting there so innocent, never in a million years would he have thought Sam would have the guts to not only give back what he's handed in the rudeness area, but also sticking his tongue out and being so obvious telling the woman to shut her pie hole.

"Coming right up guys," she said smiling at Dean who was just about done turning purple.

"I need to take a leak," the older one got out as he took deep breaths.

Sam noticed Dean standing up so he followed along too.

"Hah, must be frustrating," the woman bitch giggled slightly making John frown and look up.

"Excuse me?" he asked screwing his nose up at her.

"Having a retarded son and a rude as hell one, if my kids ever turned out like that I'd spank them so hard-"

John stood, walked to her and bent down then got right in her ear.

"If you must know, my youngest was in car crash with his mother, she died and he ended up deaf from the blast that burned my wife alive. My eldest son is just being protective like any good brother would do and trying to cheer Sam up after a hard day."

She seemed to swallow her whole tongue then, and tried to stop the shaking as John carried on hissing in her ear and breathing down her neck.

'_Not all the whole story but I don't have time for 'the truth is out there' speech.'_

"Now, I'm going to give you 3 seconds to leave and I won't skin you alive, and don't think I'm joking, I was a marine for years so I'm pretty skilled in torture...do you understand?"

The woman's blood ran cold as her heart stopped in fear, she picked up her purse and ran for the door as fast as she could.

"Dad? Everything okay?" Dean asked when he saw the silent commotion.

"Yeah, everything's fine son, so you kids hungry?" John asked sitting back down.

"Yeah," Dean said sitting down, remembering to bring it up later when Sam wasn't in the room.

"Here you go, one burger extra onions, one steak and one BBQ chicken," Kathy said placing the food down in front of the appropriate person.

"...oohh..." Sam hummed when the huge plate of glazed chicken was placed in front of him.

"No need to ask if he wants to try mine then," Dean said laughed at Sam's dopey sparkling eyes.

"Guess not," John snorted watching while Sam picked up his knife and fork, but the kid seemed to be too busy drooling to eat it. _**"Dig in,"**_ he nudged smiling at how amazed Sam still was.

But no longer had he blinked and Sam was shovelling the food in his mouth...everything apart from his free salad.

"_**Don't choke man,"**_ Dean laughed then picked up his cutlery and soon enough all of them were feeling the warm food in their stomachs.

**~S/D~**

"So dad...what did that bitch say to you in the diner?"

"What? Oh, no, nothing," John shrugged.

"That was possible the worst lie you've ever attempted," Dean snorted but going back serious soon enough.

"Really Dean, let it go," John walked past his son and sat on the couch flicking channels pretending he was busy.

"Dad what did she say about Sammy?" Dean asked point blank.

"Dean, it doesn't matter okay, I dealt with it, she's gone, probably half way to China by now, so just let it go, what's the point in me telling you? It's over and its only gonna make you pissed so..."

"Just tell me dad, please."

John sighed knowing Dean wasn't going to drop it, "she called you rude," was all he said till Dean gave him a look, "then she called Sam retarded, so I told her I'd skin her alive of she ever said anything like that about my boys again, she took off, end of it okay, you can't let every bully bother you Dean, if you do, so will Sam, and you said it yourself, the kid needs to let it go and realise not everyone is out to get him."

"I swear if that bitch goes in that diner again I will skin her alive."

"Dean," John warned kindly.

"Right...sorry...guess I'll go head to bed, Sammy's gotta be zonked out by now."

"Yeah, night son, and listen...I'm sorry about earlier, I know my lack of patience is something I need to work on," John blurted out.

"Patience with me?" Dean asked mostly worried about if it was him that pissed his dad off.

"No, just this new caring...actually being a dad for once thing...but I know you try...I didn't mean that."

"Um...okay...I'm sorry for PMS-ing too...kinda made Sammy mad when I came home."

"Don't wanna do that, now it might be tongues in the face, next week he might be handing out slaps."

"Man I hope so...just once I'd like someone to piss Sam off and..."

"Yeah that would be pretty awesome huh...but, you need to keep working on those moves you've been teaching him if you ever want him to be pissed off and punch someone."

"Dude...moves? That makes it sound like dirty."

"Hey...I'm not the teacher," John joked.

"You have a dirty mind dude."

"Eeeaa?" Sam asked from his place at the door way rubbing his tired eyes.

"Coming Sammy, night dad...thanks," Dean smiled before walking to Sam and going to get some sleep.

He frowned when Sam jumped in his own bed.

"_**I'm not scared tonight," **_Sam told him with a small smile as he shuffled under the covers with Brownie closing his eyes as Dean turned the lamp off.

"Night Sammy," Dean said tucking the kid in and moving the hair from his eyes.

He climbed in his own and forced his lids to stay open so he could make sure Sam would be okay tonight on his own...but no sooner had his head hit the pillow...he was in a light sleep.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Thanks for reading my lovelies!! **

**Oh and_ hope the type of seach is clear and understandable_**

"This is normal speach..."

**_"This is sign."_**

**"This is writing!"**

_'And this is what the characters are thinking...'_

**_I just re-read another chap and realized it might be confusing..._**

**_I hope it's not... :D_**


	19. A hard road

**A hard road**

Dean walked in the house, had a glance round and frowned when Sam wasn't coming to the door to meet him like the kid always did.

"Sam?" he asked walking in the bedroom. _'Where the hell is that kid?'_

Then he wandered down to his dad's room.

Sam tensed up right then and there, he felt the foot steps behind him and froze. He fell from the ladder and hit the ground with a thump.

"Sam?!"

'_Ow,'_ Sam whined internally when he could already feel the bruise on his elbow swell.

"_**Sam what the hell are you doing?! What have we told you about not climbing things in this house?!"**_

Sam's breathing picked up, Dean was mad, he looked really mad! But all he wanted to do was clean the house all nice for when Dean and John came back with food...he didn't mean to do anything bad...he just wanted to get rid of the cobwebs.

"Dean?" John asked coming in with some bags and dumping them when he saw Sam in the floor. "What happened?" he asked frantically checking Sam for injuries.

"He was cleaning, he fell," Dean said with a face that wasn't too happy with Sam.

"_**Okay, well then that's rule number one broken young man."**_

"Grounded?" Dean asked his dad as they helped a sniffling Sam up.

"He doesn't exactly go anywhere," John told him.

"What else you got then? He's a little too skinny for the no desert punishment."

John knew it was true, they were trying to get Sam to eat right so that was off limits.

"Brownie goes away for a night?" John suggested as they pulled Sam into the double bed.

"Are you nuts?! Or just plain evil?!" Dean yelled not too happy with that one.

"Right, you're right, that was wrong...even I'm not that cruel," John mumbled mentally kicking himself.

"Yeah right," Dean mumbled under his breath and John tried to pretend he hadn't just heard that.

"Hang on," he said standing once he had checked Sam over properly. He went to the freezer, got an ice pack then went back to his bedroom where he hoped Sam wasn't sobbing, that would make it even harder to think of an appropriate punishment that told the kid not to do it again but also let him know there was no harm done in the long run and he wasn't going to get hit or something if he did ever do it again. "Come here," he kindly ordered Sam as he pulled up the kids sleeve and laid the bag of crushed ice on the blueness that was forming on his elbow.

Sam hissed at the cold but kept still, scared of what would happen if he squirmed like all his nerves screamed at him to do. He then held the ice when John motioned him to.

"_**So..."**_ John started then stopped when he saw Sam's tears.

He sighed in sympathy knowing he had to explain to Sam what he did wrong then punish him.

"_**What were you doing up on the ladder?"**_ he asked.

"_**I'm sorry,"**_ was all Sam tossed back.

"_**That's not what I asked. What were you doing up the ladder?"**_ he repeated.

"_**Cleaning...for you...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." **_

Sam was looking at Dean like he was begging his big brother to save him.

Dean knew this wasn't the way to go, and they had to teach Sam that he couldn't look him when the kid did get used to regular grounding and so on, they had to teach him right, so he patted Sam on the shoulder then left the room, trusting his dad to give Sam a none sadistic punishment like taking the kids toy dog.

Sam sniffled looking up at John when he knew no one could save him this time, and no wanted to, so obviously he deserved it, he was ready for his punishment.

"_**What have we said about doing dangerous things like climbing ladders?"**_ John asked feeling like he was talking to a 5 year old, but he was technically, they were talking to a little scared boy teaching him what to and what would happen if he did certain things from square one.

Sam was too busy begging sorries once again to answer.

"_**Sam? What have we said about doing dangerous things?" **_

"_**Don't..."**_

"_**Don't what?" **_John questioned.

"_**Don't do dangerous things."**_

"_**Why?"**_

"_**Because..."**_

"_**Because what?"**_

"_**I could break things?"**_ Sam asked still trying to work this all out, at his last home all they wanted him to do was do things he was a little scared to do, like clean high corners and dust light shades. Once he smashed one and cut himself so deep it bled for half a day, then the cut re-opened when Kyle squeezed his hand really rough as a punishment for breaking it.

"_**No, I don't care about broken things."**_

Sam just cried louder then, he was so scared he was going to answer wrong, they told him a while ago, after he locked himself in the bathroom at Bobby's they told him...but lots of different people had told him lots of different things over the years about what he was or wasn't supposed to do, and it had all gotten mixed up.

"Sam, look. at. me."

Sam did, his heart pounded but he forced himself to stop crying to look at John in the eye...like a real man.

_..._

"_God take it like a man you pathetic freak!" Tony laughed as he pounded into Sam some more._

'_OWW!!!' Sam screamed and sobbed when he felt his lungs burn._

"_Look me in the eye like a man you worthless shit." That's not good, isn't?_

_...._

"_**Sam, you don't do dangerous things because you could get hurt, right?"**_ John asked the kid.

Sam sniffled a little faster...then nodded.

"_**And have you just hurt yourself because you didn't listen to us?" **_

"_**What are you going to do to me?"**_ Sam asked biting his lip, praying it was okay he just asked a question.

"_**No art drawing and playing baseball for a week."**_

Sam gasped shocked... _'that's it?...what else? Please nothing else...please.'_

"_**No climbing ladders or doing anything else like that that might get you hurt, or it'll be 2 week with no drawing understood?" **_

Sam's eyes went even wider, if that was even possible, he took a good few minutes staring, then launched himself round John's neck as a great big thank you for the telling off.

"Sam...need to breathe kid," John laughed.

'_God what the hell did those sons of bitches do to him if he broke things? Climbing up ladders like a freakin maid?!'_

The kid pulled back, still with wide eyes, wide happy eyes, happy he couldn't draw for a whole week.

"_**Now, it's dinner time and you're gonna eat it all, understood young man?" **_

Sam nodded, he nodded so hard he as gonna nod his head off in a minute.

"Breathe. kiddo," John joked patting him on the back. "Dean, you got dinner on?" he yelled once he stood from his bed and made Sam come with him.

"Yeah, almost done, Sammy okay?" he asked back crossing his toes.

"He's fine, no art and baseball for a week."

"Aww man! Dad I just lost my baseball partner, not cool."

"Punishments aren't supposed to be."

"Uuugg..." Dean grunted, but more of a joke, he knew his dad was right, and he really didn't care if he couldn't play baseball for a week, as long as it taught Sam not to do anything stupid again.

"_**Set the table boys, I'm just gonna move the ladders."**_

"Yes sir."

Sam nodded with a happy smile then set the table with his brother while his...dad, cleaned up the mess he made.

**~S/D~**

It was right in the middle of Sam's art lesson, the first time he'd been allowed to draw in 5 days, it was an exception because it was school but he still wasn't allowed till Sunday when they were at home.

He was sitting by himself like most other kids drawing his fictional creature, _'hah! That's what they think,'_ Sam snorted to himself as he worked on the shading of the wings.

"Wow...you're awesome at drawing!" Chris Cook half yelled looking at Sam's Banshee.

Sam didn't catch the lips moving but he thought it was a good look on the kids face that was looking at his drawing, he smiled a thanks then went back to nervously carry on, he knew people were watching now and he hoped they weren't staring because they were planning to beat him at lunch or spit at his useless ears through straws, that was always why the other kids used to stare.

"Hey um...Sam?" Beth Harvey asked smiling and blushing.

Sam looked up and went rigid, slightly backing into his chair when he thought he knew what was coming.

"Can I um..." _'he's deaf you idiot!'_. She signed mentally kicking herself in the head, then had a quick look around and found a piece of paper. **"Can I sign your cast?"** she wrote in perfect handwriting with a kiss on the end.

The kid was stunned, he didn't know what to say, how to act, or what to do..._'where's Dean to tell me what to do? He always tells me what to do,' _Sam huffed biting his lip. He looked up at the pretty girl in glasses, and then nodded clunking his heavy plaster in the table then wincing when he felt the vibrations through his still sore arm.

Beth smiled, then gasped when she heard the bang and saw the look on Sam's face, _'crap! I knew this would bite me on the ass or something! I just wanted to do something nice...get to know him...he seems sweet.'_

"Are you okay?" she asked making her own puppy eyes.

Sam nodded, still shocked she wanted to sign his cast, and even more shocked she was asking him if he was okay, or did he read her lips wrong?

She pointed to the cast once again asking him if it was still okay, he nodded holding it out on the table.

'_She's probably writing 'FREAK!' or something isn't she, fits I guess.'_

She smiled then bent down thinking of something to write or draw. Soon other kids were having a look see what they were up to and went to join a cue and soon enough the who class was waiting to draw, poor Sam was sitting there holding his arm out at an angle that kinda hurt but he didn't want to look like a whiney freak so he just sat there and let them do whatever they were doing, he couldn't really see much of his arm anymore through the crowd.

"Hey kids what's the problem here?" Mr. Johnson asked when he saw the small crowd round the quiet kid at the back.

"You wanna draw on Sam's cast sir?" one of the kids in line asked.

"Hey, why don't we all back off the new kid, this is art people, not a book signing with Tom Cruise."

Sam gulped taking his arm off the table everyone was circling round.

"Hey that's pretty good," Johnson said looking at Sam's arm.

"You like it sir? Couldn't draw anything on paper...we got kinda bored," one of the kids said that had just started drawing something random.

"Can I take a look at that?" the teacher asked Sam.

"He's deaf sir," Beth told him out of nowhere and she wasn't sure why she was defining Sam like that.

The teacher shook his head at the kids then looked kindly at Sam once again gesturing to the cast.

Sam nodded not walking to get into trouble but he was starting to sweat and shake under the pressure.

"Who drew this?" he asked pointing to the action super hero type dude.

"Me sir."

"And this pin up girl?"

"Oh...my brother tattoos...he taught me," Corey said wincing hoping it wasn't too inappropriate.

"S'good, I like your style kids," the teacher smiled being careful with Sam's arm hoping he wasn't hurting the kid, but he did look kinda scared shitless right now. "Okay, fun time over kids, let's get back to work and leave Sam alone."

"Aaaww..." the class booed walking back pulling faces.

Sam saw their looks and hoped he didn't do anything wrong or make them mad. He put his hand up high getting Johnson's attention.

"...a...mg...ee..."

"I think he needs some paper or something..." one kid whispered when they saw Sam struggling to communicate.

"Here," Beth smiled handing him the paper she used earlier.

Sam looked at the paper...really looked, then huffed not knowing what the hell he was doing, he hated that everyone was looking at him right now.

The kid bit his lip and tears stung his eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" one of them asked.

Sam flinched away wanting the chair to swallow him whole so he wouldn't have to deal anymore...he hated school, he hated being alone right now, he just wanted Dean.

'_Dean always helps me...I want Dean...'_ he cried internally "Does one of his friends wanna take him outside for some fresh air?" Mr. Johnson asked the class who all winced, none of them really knew Sam.

"He has a brother...Miss Hall said..."

"Somebody go find him please, this kid needs somebody right now."

Sam was curling up, his legs tucked to his chest as he rocked himself trying to block it all out as the seconds of being watched rolled on, he hated it...he just hated it all!

"What's wrong?"

"Hey Sam we weren't doing anything man."

"Why you are so upset?"

"You okay?"

"Dude lighten up, we didn't mean to make you cry."

'_Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!!!' _

**~S/D~**

"Yes?" Dean's literature teacher asked when 3 kids at his door came in out of breath.

"Uh...is Sam's brother in here?" the front kid asked slightly frantic.

"What's wrong with Sammy!?" Dean asked standing up so fast and hard his chair fell on the floor.

"He uh...we dunno, he just kinda started getting upset and..."

"Mr. Winchester please sit back down, you're in my class and that means you leave when I dismiss you."

"Like hell," Dean grunted making some of the seniors giggle. He ran for the door following the kids from Sam's class. "What did you do to him?!"

"What?" one of the kids leading Dean asked totally confused.

"To make him upset, what did you do to him?"

"N-nothing, we just...we wanted the sign his cast and then Mr. Johnson came over and asked if he could see it then Sam started getting all red and stuff. We swear we were only trying to be nice."

Dean wasn't sure just yet, he would have to see the state of Sam to determine if they were lying or not.

"Sammy?" he asked when he got to the art room and he saw the small crowd.

"You his brother?" the teacher asked.

"Yeah, what did you say to him?" Dean demanded.

"Look just...take the kid outside, he's fine he just needs a little space I think."

"Sammy?" Dean asked pushing past the few kids that were left in the circle, Mr. Johnson had done his best to get all the others seated.

Sam saw Dean through the misery and jumped from his seat and latched onto his big brother like a lifeline.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Dean asked worried to hell, Sam hadn't been this upset since they were in the hospital.

"Is he...does he need someone to come and help him or something?" the teacher asked and Dean knew what he meant, it wasn't exactly normal to see a 13 year old kid crying in class and shaking in their big brothers arms...but to Dean it par for the course in the life of Sam.

"He's fine, he...he just doesn't like crowds okay, if you'd bother to read his profile then you'd know."

Dean rubbed Sam's back in comfort hoping to settle the shakes and muffled cries.

"It's okay Sammy, big brothers gotcha, I'm right here."

Mr. Johnson saw the pair and it broke his heart, it reminded him of when he used to hug his baby brother after a bad dream, but this poor kid looked like his whole life was a bad dream and he had a tone of unfortunate weight on his shoulders.

"Kid...the bells gonna go in 30 minutes, you wanna take him home early? I can inform your teacher about the situation...what lesson were you just in? What teacher did you have?"

"English lit...and I dunno his name...but the guys a douche."

"Mr. Rowland then," the art guy snorted.

"Can we go now?" Dean asked the guy whilst pulling away from Sam and helping the kid pack up his things.

"Yeah, just go when you're ready. Class...get back to work, you ain't going anywhere for half an hour."

"Thanks," Dean mumbled to the guy as he picked up Sam's bag for him and walked out the school hugging the kid to his side.

"Feel better soon Sam," the worried and confused class waved them off and didn't even bother trying to carry on with their work, it was a little too distracting what just happened.

**~S/D~**

"_**You okay?"**_

Sam nodded sighed and wanting to kick himself as they walked to the car.

"_**What's wrong?"**_ Dean asked serious.

Sam shrugged, _'okay this is worse than I thought, he didn't even shake his head!'_

"Sam?"

Sam looked up, his puppy eyes still damp.

"_**Whenever you're ready, you can tell me you know."**_

Sam nodded sniffling once more and whipping the new tears.

'_I want to tell you...I just don't know what it is... I don't think you'll like me anymore...' _

"Let's go home," Dean told him tossing both their bags in the back of his car then starting the engine and watching Sam like a hawk, the kid had his legs up under his chin on the seat, and his head leaning on the glass window, something was up...for sure.

**~S/D~**

"Boys? You're home early, everything okay?" John asked when he heard the door open and saw his eldest lead Sam into their bedroom.

"Yeah, um...you gonna work now?" Dean asked needing to be alone to do his big brother soppy chick flick speech to get Sam to talk. He had actually realised how little he knew about the kids past, sure he knew about the big suck ass demon problem but the other things, the smaller things, he had no clue, and he was hoping if he could get Sam to talk, if they were on their own, it would be better.

"Yeah, you sure everything's okay Dean?" the old man asked knowing everything wasn't.

"No, not really...but I'm gonna find out, have fun at work dad."

"I'll try," John snorted, dealing with miserable basterd's buying guns wasn't exactly his dream job but it would pay the bills for now.

"See ya."

"By kiddo, I'll be back after 10, you guys make dinner?"

"Yeah, we'll find something, thanks."

"Lock the door," he warned before shutting it behind him.

Dean locked the door then mumbled, "now the hard part," to himself before going into the bedroom where Sam's cries were getting louder. "Hey kiddo," he greeted closing the door softly and climbing onto his bed where Sam was curled up on.

Knowing they weren't going to get anywhere till Sam's cries had stopped, Dean pulled the kid to lean on his side and hoped just by sitting there he could help.

**~S/D~**

Dean looked at his watch, "5:45..." he read to himself then dropped his arm and wrapped it round Sam again who was now silent as the first day Dean met him.

Just when Dean was about to nudge Sam into at least moving because the kid was sure to have cramps from the tight ball he was curled in, Sam pushed himself up and wiped his still damp cheeks.

'_Atta boy Sammy.'_

"_**You ready for dinner?"**_ he asked wondering if Sam wanted to stay put for the evening or if he was ready to go do regular stuff.

Sam nodded pushing himself up from the bed and stood waiting for Dean to do the same.

When they both up and stretched they walked to the kitchen, Sam leaning into Dean needing all the comfort he could get before it had to ripped from him again tomorrow when it was another long day at school. _'What day is it?...I think it might be Saturday tomorrow...no, can't be, I'm never THAT! Lucky...'_

"_**You watch TV I'll go cook something,"**_ Dean told him but Sam wouldn't have it, he refused to sit in the living room alone, he just wanted Dean, so he pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and parked himself down. _**"You wanna help?" **_Dean asked when he knew Sam wasn't leaving anytime soon, not that that was ever a bad thing.

Sam nodded a little happy he could help out, he did as Dean told him when they settled on Mac and Cheese from the freezer and soon enough they were both in the living room watching the football.

Sam seemed really into the game so Dean made note of getting a football sometime.

When they were done, they set the plates on the floor too lazy to put them in the sink, then leaned back on the couch and watched the rest of the evening TV.

**~S/D~**

Sam had curled up next to Dean by this time, the kid was snoring away and Dean was a little disappointed Sam didn't open up to him at all, but decided to try again tomorrow, it was Saturday tomorrow, thank god.

Then clunks of metal were heard at the door, Dean picked up his shot gun he hid down the back of the sofa trying his best not the wake Sam, then aimed at the door when it opened.

"Whoa! Dean it's me," John grumbled tucking when he saw the barrel.

"Oh...sorry," Dean scolded himself taking the gun down and stuffing it in its hiding place once again.

"What are you kids up to?" he asked whispering when he saw Sam's eyes closed and his head in Dean's lap.

"Nothing much," Dean shrugged telling his dad silently that he had gotten nowhere.

"He'll be okay Dean, we'll make sure of it."

"Yeah."

_Ring...Ring...Ring..._

"Yeah?" John asked answering the call. "Damn it Bobby!" he yelled slamming his cell shut.

"What? What's wrong?" Dean asked needing to be in the loop.

"Bobby, he went on a hunt with Caleb they got separated and now Bobby's missing."

Sam was staring and awake now worried too, he knew something was wrong just with the look on Dean's face.

"What were they hunting?"

" Wendigo, listen boys-"

"Go, we'll be okay," Dean told him knowing what his father had to do.

John thanked the gods that Dean wasn't tearing him a new one right now then went on with the drill he hadn't given in years.

"Lock all the doors, salt the windows, only go out if you need supplies or it's an emergency."

"Yes sir," Dean nodded pushing Sam off and going to help his dad pack.

"Keep each other safe, be careful boys, if I'm not back by Tuesday call pastor Jim, oh and no school, tell them you both have chicken pox."

"Okay," Dean nodded with his game face on while he packed the guns and his dad packed a few spare clothes.

"Be careful," he warned walking to the door with his duffle.

"You too, make sure Bobby's okay."

"He will be, he's a stubborn basterd, wouldn't let some meat eater keep him down."

John patted Dean on the shoulder then left for his truck.

"Mary, take care of them while I get back," he told the stars before driving away from his boys.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Sooo? Reviews guys? Uno I love em!! X **


	20. Come out of the closet, let’s talk about

**Come out of the closet, let's talk about it**

"Sammy? Rise and shine, come on...we got a lot to do kiddo."

'_G'away...'_ Sam grumbled to himself as he felt his bed tip and a hand on his shoulder.

"Sammy, wakey wakey."

"Eeeaa?" Sam asked knowing how to speak pretty well by now.

"Sammy, come on we got stuff to do," Dean grinned, sure it was early on a Saturday, but Sam was asleep early last night so he should be okay today, besides, Dean had a lot of stuff planned, maybe loosen Sam up now it was just the two of them this weekend, maybe even enough for the kid to finally start talking...figuratively.

Sam huffed, still convinced Dean was being taken from him again today...he looked at the alarm clock,...they were late..._'Oh SHIT!'_ he pushed the covers off and went to go get dressed rushing like mad.

"Sammy what are you doing? Chill, where's the fire?" Dean chuckled but still worried at how freaked Sam was still. _**"Hey, we're gonna have fun, it's Saturday!"**_

'_Oh!' _

Dean chuckled shaking his head at the kid. "Come on," he said and soon enough they were both in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"_**What are were doing today?"**_ Sam asked wondering why Dean was up so early, he was never up before 11 and it was Sam himself that had to wake _him_.

"_**We're gonna decorate, and we can do whatever we like cos my dad's not here,"**_ Dean grinned.

"_**Okay..."**_

"_**What?"**_

Sam shook his head.

"_**Come on, you can tell me."**_

"_**I know."**_

"_**So...you gonna tell me?"**_

"...a...mg...m..."

"_**Hey, relax, when you're ready okay, I'm not talking about right now,"**_ Dean reassured with a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam deflated in relief then went back to eating when Dean nudged the plate.

"_**Get dressed then, in crap clothes."**_

Dean stood and washed his pots knowing if he didn't wash the first few, he wouldn't wash the ones after and soon it would stink, normally it wouldn't bother him because in a day or two they would be moving on to another motel, but now with Sam, he didn't want the kid to have to live like a rat...not with them anyway.

Sam moved and went to go wash his pots when he was done, but Dean gave him this look, a cross between love and don't even think about it that told him to just dump them and go get dressed.

**~S/D~**

'_Crappy clothes? Crappy clothes? I don't own any crappy clothes now, not one...all thanks to Dean and his dad...so what do I do?' _

"Sammy?" Dean asked when the kid was in the bedroom for longer than it takes a woman to get dressed. _**"What are you doing in here?"**_

"_**I can't find crappy clothes,"**_ Sam told him with a puppy pout.

Dean frowned then picked up a random shirt from the floor.

Sam shook his head outraged, that was his shirt that matched Dean's...he couldn't wear that!

"Fine, here," Dean smirked handing Sam one of his old shirts and a pair of the jeans that got all holy thanks to the super pissed spirit the other year.

"_**Really?"**_ Sam asked feeling honoured to wear Dean's clothes.

"_**Really, put em on, we got work to do princess."**_

**~S/D~**

"_**Here, me and my dad found these in garage the other week."**_

"_**Where was I?"**_

"_**Sleeping,"**_ Dean smiled. "_**Come on, here, you carry, these, nothing heavy or else,"**_ Dean warned motioning to Sam's cast as he handed some old rollers and paint brushes.

Sam saluted him as a joke making Dean laugh, '_knew the kid had a sense of humour somewhere under all that sadness.'_

"_**That looks awesome by the way,"**_ he said smiling warmly at the new drawn and sketched on cast, none of the drawings matched cos they were obviously done by all different kids but they looked damn awesome.

Sam grinned looking down at it, almost asking for Dean's approval when he looked up again.

"_**Seriously, you're a minni..." **_Dean grabbed a handy pen from his pocket and wrote,** "Van Cough," **not having a clue how to sign that creep dudes name.

"_**He cut his ear off,"**_ Sam told him smartly.

"_**You do that and I'll-"**_

"_**Kick my ass?"**_ Sam giggled.

"_**Smart ass, and no, I was gonna say remove art privileges for a whole month."**_

Sam hesitated... _**"Thank you,"**_ he smiled breathing in the happiness.

"_**Come on, first we need paint,"**_ Dean rambled telling Sam to pick a color, there wasn't much choice in front of them but it would do.

Sam stared wide eyed, a little overloaded by the fact that he was getting a choice in something so....HUGE!

"_**Come on, blue...green, no way, or uh...red?"**_

Sam gulped...he got a choice? Really?!

"_**Sam?"**_ Dean asked a little concerned at how wide Sam's eyes were still. _**"You okay?"**_

Sam's face left the floor.

"_**Blue,"**_ he said smiling when Dean's face lit up too.

"_**Yes boss, blue it is."**_

**~S/D~**

"Sam you done?" Dean asked mostly to keep himself company as he waited for Sam to come out of the bathroom, they got more paint on themselves than on the walls but they had fun so it really didn't matter, Sam was in charge of the brush all day going round all the edges, and Dean was the one with the roller climbing the ladder and telling Sam to be careful.

About half a second later, a very wet but clean and happy Sam came from the bathroom followed by a cloud of steam.

"_**Man, I think we need haircuts bad,"**_ he joked looking at his own growing mop but chuckling at how well Sam seemed to carry the floppy look of still, and it seemed to do nothing for him, and really didn't go with the hunter bad ass vibe. _**"We'll go when my dad comes back, he's starting to look like a cave man too."**_

Sam laughed rubbing a towel over his dripping head then handed it to Dean as his big brother went to the bathroom leaving the door open ajar.

The young one huffed not liking being alone right now, he always had Dean or John at this time when the other would take a shower or something, but John was on the hunting trip so Sam had this time alone today.

He bit his cheek, wandered to their bedroom, looking in every direction for someone to scare him, he grabbed his stuffed dog and his quilt, ran back to the bathroom door, sat himself down, and waited.

**~S/D~**

"Sammy? Wake up kiddo," Dean coached smiling when he found the kid on the floor wrapped in his covers with Brownie snoring away.

Sam jolted awake going rigid.

"Guess I shouldn't take such long showers huh?" Dean asked himself as he helped Sam to stand. _**"TV or bed?"**_

"_**TV...please,"**_ Sam smiled relaxing now he knew he was okay.

Dean patted his baby brother on the shoulder as they walked down the hall and to the living room.

"Awesome!" Dean cheered when he saw one of his old favourites on, it was so bad, it was just good.

He fiddled a little finding the subtitles then settled back against the couch when he'd set them for Sam.

"_**Yeah?"**_ Dean asked when he saw Sam looked like he wanted to say something.

Sam shook his head so Dean smiled then looked back to the TV, but he felt Sam's eyes on him once again so he chuckled then looked at the kid and asked, _**"you okay?"**_

Sam nodded, but still had the nagging look on his face.

"_**You wanna talk?"**_ Dean asked wondering why Sam was so fidgety.

He seemed to _almost_ nod then, Dean pressed standby on his remote then turned giving the kid his full attention.

"_**You can tell me,"**_ he pushed gently.

Sam nodded, thinking about how and why he wanted to say this.

"_**Sam, whatever it is, I'm never gonna judge you or hit you or hate you, you can tell me."**_

"...a...m..."

"_**Come on, you can tell me kiddo, there's no one here but me."**_

"...sss...saa...ssaarrdd...ssarredd..." he mewed overly loud.

"Sared?" Dean asked not quite understanding.

"Sscc...aa...saared..."

"Scared?" Dean asked feeling his heart rate pick up.

Sam nodded.

"_**What are you scared of?"**_

"_**Being alone,"**_ Sam admitted as a single tear dripped down.

"_**You're scared of being alone,"**_ Dean repeated telling Sam he understood and he was here for the kid.

Sam nodded hanging his head low.

"Hey," Dean lifted Sam's chin making the kid look at him, "you. are. never. alone."

Sam shook his head telling Dean he was alone.

"_**When?"**_

"_**School, before when you were in the bathroom, in the hospital, I don't want to be alone anymore,"**_ Sam told his big brother before letting out more tears begging Dean to pick up the shattered pieces he was in.

"_**Hey, you are never alone, no matter what, I'll always be somewhere okay, even if it's in the next room or a phone call away, you're not alone now."**_

"_**Promise?"**_

"_**Course I promise, I'm your big brother, it's my job to make sure you're not alone."**_

Sam smiled...really, smiled, one huge teary face splitting smile.

"_**Come on, I don't know about you but I'm beat,"**_ Dean said standing from the couch picking up Sam's quilt when the kid stood too.

"_**Love you big brother,"**_ Sam said as Dean tucked him in.

"_**Love you too little brother,"**_ '_holy crap...I've never said that to ANYONE since my mom...not even dad...HOLY CRAP!'_

Sam smiled, Dean smiled, Dean playfully messed up Sam's messy hair, then turned the lamp off and got in his own bed.

"M'always gonna be here Sammy," he swore closing his eyes happier than he had been in years.

**~S/D~**

"Hey, Pastor Jim...it's me, Dean, it's Monday and dad isn't back yet...I know he said call you on Tuesday but...he's not left a single message...could you call me back if you've heard anything from him, thanks, bye."

"_**Who was that?"**_

"_**A friend of my dad's."**_

"_**Trucker hat man? Is he okay?"**_ Sam asked not knowing the sign for Bobby but knowing who Dean's dad had gone looking for and knowing he was just as worried as Dean.

"_**No, not him, pastor Jim, my dad always tells me to call him if he's not back when he says he's gonna be."**_

"_**So...you're worried about your dad aren't you?"**_

"_**No, course not, he can handle himself, he's like superman most times, I was just making sure."**_

"_**I'm worried too,"**_ Sam told him, hoping he could be there for Dean like Dean had always been there for him.

"_**They're fine Sam, really,"**_ Dean assured turning it back round on Sam, admitting how worried he always was about his dad even from the second he leaves the building was a little hard, he always felt a little embarrassed to be honest, and he really had to stay the strong one 24/7 for Sam, so talking about how much he was freaking out over his dad and surrogate uncle was off the agenda.

Then Sam asked a question, neither of them thought he would ever, in a month of Sundays, heaven or hell, _**"are you okay?" **_

Dean swallowed back the ting of guilt he now felt knowing his act wasn't working too well, about as well as Sam's worked for him, then smirked a classic Dean, _**"I'm always okay Sammy."**_

Sam huffed then nodded, _'this must be how Dean feels when I don't talk, wow...I don't like this feeling, scared, worried, concerned and freaking out over everyone but myself for once. Maybe it's time I wasn't so selfish.'_

_Ring...Ring...Ring..._

"Yeah?" Dean asked picking his phone up crossing his toes that it was his dad.

"_Hello this is Linda from Gate Wood high school, may I speak with Mr. Winchester?"_

"Speaking," Dean said after cleaning his throat and making his voice deeper.

"_Hello Mr. Winchester, I'm calling about your sons, neither of them have attended school this morning-"_

"Oh yeah," _'crap I forgot to call the school, crap!'_ "Uh, they got chicken pox, both of em, I didn't want them to infect any of the other kids and they really aren't feeling well so they won't be coming in till next week."

"_I understand sir, that's all I needed to know so they didn't go down as un-authorised absences, thank you for letting me know."_

"Yeah uh, bye." _**"Man that was close,"**_ Dean told Sam laughing a little as he set the cell down.

Sam nodded, huffed again Dean was still being quiet, then faced the TV hoping his big brother would do the same as he did the other day where he tried to watch TV but the need to talk to someone got too much he just opened up after about 3 seconds of the film.

**~S/D~**

"So you don't know where they are?"

"_No, I'm sorry Dean I have no clue what state, what city, nothing."_

"Are you sure neither of them have called?"

"_Yes Dean I'm sure son."_

"What about Caleb?" he asked pacing the living room hoping he wouldn't wake Sam.

"_I have no idea, last I heard he was resting back at Bobby's."_

"Why? Dad never said anything about Caleb being hurt."

"_I don't know if I got my facts right but I think Caleb went out with Bobby, got hurt, then Bobby dragged him back to his home to rest up, then went back out to kill the thing on his own, I'm guess you know the rest?"_

"No! I don't know the rest! That' the reason why I'm calling for God's sake!"

"_Dean,"_ the Pastor warned.

"Sorry, no using God's name and all that, sorry...I'm just freaking out, I can't exactly go looking for them myself."

"_Well that's the first time I'd ever hear you say that, something wrong Dean?"_

"No, no I just gotta stay here and look after Sammy."

"_Sammy?"_

"Uh yeah, dad didn't tell you, uh...he adopted another kid, long story but he's my little brother so I can't go hunting and leave him here, could you help me out?"

"_Dean I wish I could but I'm in Washington, and I need to stay here, long story too."_

"But this is my dad were talking about!"

"_Dean son I know."_

"I'm not your son!"

"_Dean, calm down, okay I'll be there, I'll come Dean, just give me a few days."_

"They could be dead by then man," Dean sighed feeling a lump in his throat.

"_Dean it's the best I can do, I'm trying here."_

"I know, thanks for the effort, oh hang on." "Sammy. you. okay?" he mouthed wide to the sleepy kid that just parked himself on the couch next to him.

Sam nodded then gave a look motioning to the phone.

Dean picked up a pen and wrote on the magazine in front of him, **"Pastor Jim."**

"_**Is your dad okay?"**_ Sam asked already knowing the answer but he was trying to be there for Dean.

Dean shrugged.

Sam nodded then ran to their bedroom grabbing their laptop.

"_Dean you still there?"_

"Yeah, yeah I'm here, Sam was just asking who was on the phone."

"_Who is he anyway? Of all the kids you two have saved over the years what made your dad decided to take this one in?"_

"Me, took some begging but...I found him one day at school being bullied and man his life was so messed up, a freakin demon killed his parents then fostered him for kicks so they could use him as a slave or something, but...he doesn't remember anything before he was about 6 apart from the demon, and...man I dunno, it was like he was already my kid brother and I had to look after him...once we found out about the demon crap and convinced dad he was well up for it, and now here we are."

"_Well Dean, I'm proud of you." _

"For what?" Dean asked feeling embarrassed.

"_For standing up to your father about looking after that boy, I know your father and I know that couldn't have been easy."_

"Yeah well, I made it out in one piece," Dean snorted making the Pastor laugh.

"_Sounds like it,"_ he smiled clearly hearing Dean's happiness despite the other things.

"Yeah, so uh when can you uh-" Sam walked in the turned the screen round and smiled showing Dean his handy work from last night. "Holy crap, shit, I mean crap, I mean...sorry, sorry man," Dean rambled down the line.

"_Dean? Dean what's wrong?"_ Pastor Jim asked knowing Dean wouldn't mess up his words like that so much unless he was freaking out even more.

"Sammy's got the research covered," he gasped trying to snap himself out of the squeaking voice that was coming out.

"_What?"_

"Uh...can I call you back?"

"_Yeah, yeah of course Dean, I'll talk to you later."_

"Bye."

Sam smiled and gave Dean a look asking if he'd done okay.

"_**Sammy, when did you do all this?" **_

"_**I couldn't sleep last night and I wanted to help you like you always help me."**_

"_**Sam, man this is amazing, and thank you but...don't take this the wrong way, I'm really grateful but, even if we did know what woods this thing was in-" **_Dean was cut off when Sam clicked on another link he had and showed Dean the exact area police knew victims were going missing._** "Sam, no, I can't leave you here to go hunting, my dad did that all the time when I was a kid and I hated him for it, I'm not doing the same thing to you."**_

"_**I can come,"**_ Sam told him confidently.

"_**No, it's too dangerous, you could get hurt."**_

"_**So could you, I don't care, I want to go." **_

"_**Sam, no, we'll just have to wait for my dad's friend to come."**_

"_**But you're scared, I know you can't wait to go find your dad, please, I want to help for once in my life."**_

"_**Sam you-"**_

"_**I don't want to be a useless deaf freak anymore, I want to show you I can help."**_

"_**Sam you have helped, you always do man."**_

"_**No, really help, not cleaning crap, really help like you help people like me, please Dean," **_Sam begged shooting lethal puppy pouts like there was no tomorrow.

"_**You do exactly what I say and be careful when we're out there."**_

"_**Okay."**_

"_**Sam, I'm serious, it's scary and dangerous and you could die, I don't want you to think you have to go through that to feel like you're helping."**_

"_**I know, I promise I'll be careful, I want to help find your dad and trucker man."**_

Dean couldn't resist the combination of puppy smiles and the word 'trucker man', he sighed then cracked a proud smile.

"_**Okay, come on, let's go pack then, only what you need, no art crap and other extra things you don't need."**_

"_**Okay,"**_ Sam nodded, jumped to give Dean a quick hug, then ran to their room to start packing, feeling excited, happy, and scared shitless all at the same time.

Dean ran round the house getting things they might need like the first aid kit, well, the second one they had, after a few years of hunting together they realised it would be a smart idea to get one each and carry it with them if ever they got separated, with had happened a couple of several dozen times. Then there was packing a few toiletries, money, then jogged to their bedroom to find Sam packing a few jeans for him and some shirts that were already torn up, _'man he's making a good hunter already,'_ Dean chuckled when he knew the kid had a tone of common sense.

"_**You packed?"**_ he asked ramming the things in his own hands into another duffle.

Sam nodded zipping his bag up and putting it over his shoulder.

"_**Coat? Spare clothes? Spare shoes?"**_ Sam nodded patting his bag.

"Huh, not bad Sammy," Dean smirked happy. _**"You not taking him?"**_ he asked when he saw Brownie tucked under the covers.

Sam shook his head, Dean told him no extra crap, so he wasn't taking any extra crap.

"_**You sure?"**_ Dean pushed telling him he could take the dog if he wanted.

Sam nodded, patted Brownies head then stood up tall squinting bad ass like Dean always did. The older one was checking a few weapons, taking the knives out of their leather cases then closing them back up, he looked down the barrel of a few rusty guns then packed a few he thought might be useful.

"_**Here, just in case, I'll show you how to use a gun later,"**_ Dean told him handing his favourite hunting knife over to the kid.

Sam beamed, took the blade, then stuffed it in his bag like Dean was doing.

"_**All set?" **_

Sam nodded, his Dean impression game face on, they packed up the laptop, checked all the doors and windows, locked up, then set down the highway to find the missing hunters.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Reviews?...I'm having a terrible god awful month...so, *hint hint*...send me some love, pretty please!! *pouts, sniffs***


	21. So Exit the Fall

**So Exit the Fall**

"Be back in a sec okay," Dean said as he pushed out of his seat and shut his door after.

He walked quick rushing as he picked up a few bottles of soda and some random chips and candy, he paid then ran back to the car where he knew Sam might be twitching scared about being alone.

"Back," he smiled climbing in and handing the kid the food. Sam deflated in relief and gave a wincing smile.

Dean had 2 options, he could chuckle and ruffles the kid's hair silently nudging as to say he was okay, or he could actually tell him he was okay.

"_**You're okay, remember what I said about not being alone?"**_

Sam nodded.

"_**I'm back right?"**_

Sam nodded.

"_**There you go then, told you so, big brothers always right. Sam, get some sleep okay," **_Dean told his yawning baby brother who was curled up comfy in the passenger seat.

Sam nodded once again, shuffled down his seat and closed his eyes.

Dean saw the kid pull up his coat and although Sam was small, so was his coat, definitely not big enough to use as a blanket.

"Here," he said shrugging off his leather jacket and laying it over the sleepy kid. "Night Sammy," he cooed starting the engine once again and driving down towards where they both prayed were John and Bobby.

**~S/D~**

"Sammy, wake up we're here," Dean whispered shaking the kid a little.

Sam blinked a few times clearing the fog and the headache sleeping in the car gave him, then looked up to Dean asking were they they're.

"_**Sam, you don't have to do this, you can stay in the car,"**_ Dean told him in big brother mode.

Sam shook his head, determined to do something helpful for once in his life, instead of the little kid that wasted fresh air and watched the world go past him.

"_**Okay, right, now I'm guessing with all that research you know all about this freaky monster?"**_

Sam nodded proud.

"_**And you know how creepy they look?"**_

Sam nodded.

"_**You know they're like 8 foot tall?"**_

'_Oh...erm, no.'_

"_**Hey, it's gonna be okay, if you really wanna do this, I'll be there the whole time and I'd die before I'd let that thing touch you**__." _

Sam's breathing picked up then, _'Die?!! Nononono!!!! He can't die!! Not cos of me!!! Please!!!'_

'_Crap, said the wrong thing!'_

"_**Hey, nothings gonna happen to me or you, we got each other's backs right?"**_

Sam nodded letting a few tears slip out.

"_**It's gonna be okay Sammy, we'll find my dad and trucker dude then we get the hell out of there."**_

Sam nodded, bit his lip then went to open his door to signal he was ready to rock this bitch!

Dean chuckled at the bad ass look the dimply kid was trying to pull off but got out of the car anyway and went round to get the weapons they would need.

"_**Okay, fire is the only thing that will **__**kill this thing, right? So here**_,"Dean handed Sam lighter, a box of matches, some lighter fluid, a flash light and a flare gun, keeping one for himself then closing his trunk.

Sam took them and pushed them in the back of his jeans like Dean was doing.

"_**Ready?"**_ Dean asked putting both his hands on Sam's shoulders who nodded standing up tall. _**"Stay behind me at all times,"**_ he ordered then took the flare gun from his jeans, pointed it forward along with his flash light, then pushed to face the woods making sure Sam was well shielded, he set off taking quiet steps into the trees tugging his baby brother along with him.

**~S/D~**

"_**How you holding up?"**_ Dean asked his kid brother who was a little breathless and not used to all the hiking.

Sam smiled using his time wisely to get his breath back telling Dean he was a little tired but okay and he went on to step forward till Dean stopped him with a rough hand on his arm.

"..el.."

"Shhh..." he told Sam putting his finger to his lips.

Sam stopped dead in his tracks letting Dean do whatever he was doing.

The older one tried to listen again but then wondered if it was the Wendigo playing tricks.

He shook his head and carried on walking.

"..eellpp.."

He stopped again, raised his flare and looked round forcing Sam to duck when his arms swung round 360 degrees.

"eellpp!!"

"Who's there?!"

"Help!!"

"Come out and play you fugly son of a bitch!!"

"Dean?!"

He told Sam to stay as still and silent as he could with one look.

"Help! Dean?! Son is that you?!"

"D-dad?!"

"Dean?!! Oh thank god," he heard clearer when he pulled Sam along with him towards where the forest got darker and darker.

"Dad?!!"

"Dean!!"

"Dad where the hell are you?!!"

Without thinking, Dean pulled Sam along with him to where he was hearing his father's voice.

"Dad keep yelling!!!"

"Dean!!" Bobby now called hearing rustling from leaves and branches above them.

"Dad, we're coming!"

"We're down here!" then he realised something, _'oh shit!'_

"Sammy come on," Dean smiled happy pulling his kid brother along.

"No! Dean don't!" both older hunters scolded fast.

"Dad!" Dean yelled more scared than ever when he was told 'don't!' "SAM!" he yelled when something fell from him.

"Dean!" John yelled knowing Dean had just fallen for what he had days ago, and what Bobby had done just days before that, then felt a lump hit his leg. "Dean?"

"SAAMMYYY?!!" Dean called from above.

"Dean? Wh...Sam?" _'Crap! Sam fell,'_ "Dean he's down here!!"

"Sammy?! Oh god, Sammy are you okay?!!"

"Sam, Sam look at me," John ordered trying to find the kids eyes in the dark past the mud and cold air.

"Dean you got a flash light you can toss us?!!"

"Bobby??!"

"Yeah it's me kid," Bobby told him.

"Here! Please tell me Sammy's okay!" Dean's voice shook as he carefully tried to toss the flash light down to them.

"Sam, look at me kid," John told the minor shining the light over him, then he let out a long chuckle he had needed for days.

"Dad? Is he okay?!" Dean rushed not knowing why there was laughter.

"Dean, he's fine, got a cut on his head but he's laughing harder than me right now," he chuckled.

"He what?!"

"Dean, we're all okay, just can't get out of this hole that's all, you got any rope?"

"Dad?...uh, yeah back at the car but it's like 30 minutes away."

"Run then, ah, you got any food before you go?"

"Food? You three are stuck in a hole, Sam's bleeding, there's a wendigo on the loose and you want food?"

"No wendigo, killed it then fell down here," Bobby answered.

"Dean we'll explain everything when we get outa here kiddo, but we're all okay, I swear, just go get the rope."

"But Sam-"

"Is fine, I won't let anything happen to him."

"Are you sure everyone's okay?"

"Yes Dean, perfect fine."

"I'll...I'll be back in 15."

"That's my boy," John praised as he heard Dean sprint off.

"_**Sam, you okay kid?"**_ Bobby asked him.

"Think he found falling down that hole as fun as I did."

"Yeah, fun till ya practically snapped ya leg in half."

"Hey, not exactly yesterday that I went rolling down the grass with the neighbour's dog is it?"

"Whatever, you do know Dean's gonna tear you a new one for telling him we're _ALL_ fine."

"He wouldn't have gone otherwise, and it's not me he's worried about, when he asked that."

"Yeah right," Bobby mumbled shaking his head.

"Besides, I a-"

By this point Sam had seen the odd angled leg and was tearing up at the sight of it.

"Sam?" John asked putting his finger lifting Sam's head to look at him.

The kid merely pointed to the limb and didn't know whether to give John a hug and stay really close to make him feel better, he knew that always worked when he was hurt, or be really mad and hit him in the nuts again for being stupid, _'I thought Dean said they were the best! So far all I've seen is Dean be the best and these two totally make an ass of things when it came to hunting bad guys!' _

"Sam, it's okay," John tried to reason but he wasn't having it, Sam was getting more upset as the seconds rolled into minutes and the silent minutes felt like hours_._ "Sam, look at me, its fine, it's all gonna be fine."

That wasn't working either, Sam was now feeling this overwhelming emotion and he had no idea what it was, he had never felt it before and it was such an awful feeling right down to his gut, it was kinda like a mixture of a lot of other things he had been feeling over the last month and not one of them were good, they certainly didn't mix well.

It was kinda like the love he felt for Dean, the sadness he felt when Dean was hurt, and the anger he felt towards John for letting Dean get hurt...but it was all going wonky and it was all aimed at John...and Sam hated it that he couldn't understand why.

"Aah Sammy, don't so this to me kid," John cursed as Sam started to have a panic attack.

"John, you need to calm him down-"

"Well thank you for that wonderful observation Bobby!"

Sam was too busy turning purple to be aware of the hunter's useless arguments that usually made him mad.

"Okay...okay," John forced himself to think back to the lamas classes he had with Mary.

Sam wasn't giving birth but he was looking exactly like Mary did when she had a momentary panic over Deanie the new baby coming, it helped then, it would help now...if only he could remember!

"Sam...deep breathes...in....out...in...out...you feel that, you feel this Sammy," he coached placing Sam's shaking clammy little hands over his fast beating chest. "No, no Sammy don't look at that, look at me, at me, not that, at me" he told forcing Sam to look at his for once gentle smile, and not at his throbbing leg. "Good boy, that's it...nice and slow, in...out...that' it kiddo, your color is coming back, your heart rates going down, nice Sammy...atta boy, that's good, that's really good," he praised running his hand over Sam's messy hair moving the growing locks from his eyes to get a better look at the kid.

"Not bad Jonny," Bobby even praised patting his old friend on the back.

"_**Good boy, well done kiddo, I know it's hard okay, I know it's scary, but Dean's coming back and he's gonna save us? Just like he always does right**__**?"**_

Sam nodded still taking large gulps of air but feeling much better now he couldn't hear the blood thumping in his ears.

"Atta boy Sammy," John smiled relieved that worked, if it didn't then the combination of being stuck down here and no one else coming back for several minutes could have made the situation end very badly. He pulled Sam into his arms and held him close, ignoring the hard ass in his head that told him not to be such a pussy in front of Bobby of all people, it was his turn to be the one needing deep breaths.

"John you okay?" Bobby asked seeing his pale face with the touch he was still holding up.

"Y-yeah...just, didn't realize how freakin scared this little kid makes me, damn Sammy don't do that to me again," he wiped the dips of nervy sweat from his forehead and leaned his head on top of Sam's hair burying his nose in the soft curls, he smelt cheep shampoo there that always smelt sweet on cute kids like the one in his arms.

Sam wasn't totally sure John had ever shown so much..._'affection?'_ towards anyone before, well, apart from Dean, and it made him feel weird...but in a good way, it made him feel special and cared about, so he snuggled closer and waited for his big brother to come and save them, like he always did, he knew now, if he had it like this all the time, if he had these people looking after him and making sure he felt happy, everything would be okay.

_..._

"_Daddyy!!" Sammy screamed hugging his hurt knee to his chest crying on the ground in the middle of the park._

"_Sammy?! Sammy, oh it's okay, it's just a scratch, it's okay little man, I'll make it better, daddy will kiss it better see?" Alan showed bending down and kissing Sammy's little knee where the small graze was._

"_Daddy kissed it better? No more hurtsies?" he sniffled._

"_That's right little dude, daddy kissed it better, no more hurtsies."_

_He picked his little 4 year old son up and hugged him to his chest, kissing the top of his head and breathing in the shampoo._

"_Daddy will take care of you," he vowed._

_..._

Sam slowly pushed gently from the arms holding him and shuffled closer to the bent knee. He leaned down and kissed the top of the rough pant leg then looked up.

"_**I kissed it better, no more hurt, just like daddy did,"**_ he sniffled then felt like he needed the safety of the strong arms again, hurting on the inside from old memories starting to come back to him.

"Oh god Sammy," John gasped watching the slowly growing up 13 year old kid turn into a little puppy like toddler right in front of his eyes.

Sam started to cry as old painful thoughts of his parents came back to him, John and Dean always thought it was a good thing he didn't remember much about them, save him from the pain of knowing what he was missing, like the memories of his parents, and would the Winchesters ever be able to live up to that normal happy couple that loved their son.

John wrapped his arms round the kid once more and then went on to sign, _**"thanks Sammy, doesn't hurt anymore,"**_ he stated kissing the top of Sam's hair hoping the mommy and daddy of Sammy Collins weren't spitting down at him right now.

Bobby sat there, a complete outsider, feeling so uncomfortable right now he would gladly crawl up the damn hole to get out and give the 'father and son' some privacy, '_Dean should be here right now with them, not me.' _

"Dad!!"

'_Speak of the devil.'_

"Yeah, we're still here son!" he let out a humourless chuckle looking at Bobby and apologizing for the very public chick flick which in turn made Bobby shake his head telling him there was nothing to feel embarrassed about, the only embarrassed one was him right now.

"Dad… I got rope! H-how do you...wanna do this?!" he gasped out, he ran so fast he was seeing spots right now, but who cares.

"Maybe me or your dad should come up first, then give you a little break while we pull the other 2 up?!"

"Yeah, that's a good idea, maybe you should go up first," John said motioning to the Sammy glued to his side.

"Yeah, Dean! You got that?!"

"You first! Got it!!" Dean yelled tossing the already tied rope down the small gap in the grass.

"Make sure you're standing on some solid ground! You don't want it to fall through like it did with me!" Bobby warned and Dean nodded to himself, took a few steps round the hole where he was sure the ground was making a deep thud sound proving it wasn't hollow.

"Done! Okay, I'm gonna pull you up!"

"Dean you sure you're okay to do this?! I don't wanna hurt you kiddo!" Bobby said hoping he wasn't too much of a bear belly chubby lump for the young hunter.

"I think I got more upper body strength than all three of you thanks!" he snorted shaking his head then wrapped the rope round his arm a few times for good grip, then began pulling. "God Bobby how much do you weigh?!!"

"I told you!" the old guy laughed then whilst being pulled up slowly but surely. When he reached the top and cold fresh air blew on his beard he smiled then started to crawl up along the wet dirt and grass helping Dean out a little.

"Oh god..." Dean gasped out then collapsed on the flat on the floor, mostly for dramatic effect and laid out not caring for the bugs under him.

"You okay kid?" Bobby asked getting the rope from round his middle off and chuckling a little at how tired Dean was but needing to know if he hurt the kid either way.

"I'm good, I'm good," he breathed giving Bobby the 'give me a sec,' motion.

"Let me take a look," he said cursing himself when he saw Dean's raw hands.

"I'm fine, go help them," he told Bobby not moving from his spot but pointing to the hole and two people he loved trapped there.

"John?! Sam now?!" he asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah! Give me a sec!" he yelled up making Dean shoot up and run over bending down the hole needing to know what was wrong.

"Sammy?!" he asked.

"He's fine Dean, come on, sit down and let Bobby do the work son, it'll be okay!" his dad said calming and he caught a slight glimmer with the torch at an obviously upset Sam. He moved out of the way and let Bobby toss the rope down once again and pull his baby brother up.

"Okay, easy does it kiddo, that's it," the hunter coached as Sam was pulled up a little gentler that he had been. "Well done Sam," he smiled when the kid was up and sitting on the grass. He untied himself, tossed the rope down to John, then slowly made his way over to Dean and silently curled into his lap wrapping his arm round his big brothers middle with no explanation.

"I got ya Sammy, I'm here okay, we'll get a motel for the night, have a nice long overdue sleep and we'll be okay, you'll see," he soothed without signing but knowing Sam would know what he was rambling on about.

He heard the kid sniffle a few times but he didn't disturb him and push for any answers, he just sat there on the grass and held his little brother waiting for his dad to come from the hole and take them home.

"Dad what the hell happened?!" he yelled when John Winchester came from the hole with a very bent and out of place knee.

'_Oh shit...I'm in trouble!' _

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Cheers all!!!! Love you!!!!!**

**And I really enjoyed writing this!!! When I got over my momentary writers block half way into the chapter lol, Bia you're an angel for getting me out!!!**


	22. The Only Exceptions

**The Only Exceptions**

"Dad what the hell happened?!" he yelled when John Winchester came from the hole with a very bent and out of place knee.

'_Oh shit...I'm in trouble!' _

"Ah...uh...um...well you see..."

"Dad when the hell were you planning on telling me you got a broken leg?!"

Dean was so pissed he stood and almost knocked Sam face first into the mud, but luckily Bobby was there to catch the kid and pull him up to his feet steadily keeping the shaking upset Sam close knowing it would be a few minutes of yelling before Dean was calm enough to go back to being the comforting brother for the kid.

"Uh...now?" John tried to use his own version of puppy eyes but they weren't half as good as either of the boys**'** and Dean wasn't fooled.

"DAD! I thought you said you were _ALL_ fine?! What the hell happened to the rule of owning up to your injuries because you could get other people round you killed?!"

"Dean, come on son it's not exactly like we're on a hunt anymore so that rule doesn't really apply."

"No! But I think after everything I deserve to be told the truth! I'm not a kid anymore dad! I can handle it you know! I swear! It's either one extreme or the other with you!"

John was about to ask kindly what his son meant but he didn't have to.

"You either treat me like I'm one of you, a freakin soldier that should just follow you round like a shadow with no question! Like I'm a man enough to risk m life for a dumb ass cause I don't even believe in, OR you tell me half truths and give me the dumbest of orders like 'lay the salt' every five minutes like I'm a 5 year old and I'm stupid!!!!!"

"Dean that's not what-"

"You know what! I don't even care anymore, do whatever the hell you like, I've had it!" Dean yelled making it final, he forced the dark glares down inside his gut and wrapped his arm gently round his baby brother and stormed off back to the car.

"Dean! Stop! I know you're pissed right now but stop it! Look at Sam, just look at him," Bobby ordered.

Dean huffed, mostly for dramatic effect but looked down at Sam anyway. '_Ops,'_ he winced when he saw the tears and look of sadness there on the kids face.

"Sammy, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I'm sorry," he cooed but that wasn't what was bothering the kid obviously when he wriggled out of the hug.

Sam shook his head and pushed Dean off, he turned back to Bobby who was now helping John walk, turned back to Dean, grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him back to the adults.

"Sam what are you?-"

"Dean, I'm pretty sure he wants you guys to make up," Bobby told kindly.

Dean rolled his eyes rather childishly and wouldn't look John in the eye.

"Dean, come on son I'm sorry I lied okay but would you have gone to get the rope otherwise?"

Dean didn't say anything, he just looked at his shoes and refused to let John know he was right.

"Son, I'm sorry okay, but I knew Sammy wanted you and he was upset, I promised him his big brother was coming back to save the day as usual, and it made him feel better knowing you were coming back and gonna get us out, I'm sorry okay but...I know I lied and I know I can be a hard ass sometimes but I'm only doing what I thinks best for this family, sometimes I get it wrong yeah but...come on Dean, look at me at least? Give me a nod? Smirk? Make a sarcastic joke?"

"You three done ganging up on me?" he asked, a little serious and it made John worry, but Dean then lifted his head and there was a smirk placed firmly on his face.

"Yeah, come on, let's go find us a motel for the night, oh and in my defence, I've dislocated me knee, not broke my leg."

John smirked and let Dean and Sam help him back to the car, it was a long hike slash walk but they would make it.

"You and Sam take a break, I got him for now," Bobby said taking over when the two boys were about to topple over.

"Dean, your hands okay son?" John asked hopping over to his friend.

"Yeah," Dean automatically answered as he and Sam walked on.

"Dean?" John asked again.

"Fine...they hurt like a bitch."

"Bobby, hold up," John said stopping with his one good leg and reaching into his pocket and getting out a long length of pale lemon cloth. Dean was shocked when his dad ripped it down the middle with his teeth and then went to wrap the fabric round each of his hands to stem the bleeding a little.

"Dad...that was moms," he gasped.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she'd prefer her son to not bleed in the middle of a forest and catch an infection."

"But..."

"Dean, chill out okay, been saving it for a needed purpose like this, it'll wash."

Dean didn't know what to say, that was his mothers hanky, the one his dad always held safe in his pocket and never let out of his possession since she passed, not once ever!

"Don't we have bandages in the bag?"

"Ah....no, forgot em, we'll get some tomorrow, come on kids, we should hurry up, sun's coming up."

Dean stood there, his mouth hung open, jaw to the floor, but when a smiling puppy eyed Sam nudged him he tried to shake it off and made a note to ask his dad what he was doing later.

**~S/D~**

"Sir, we're going to give you something for the pain before we put your knee back in."

"I'm fine," John snapped stubbornly at the nurse that was approaching with a needle.

"Sir I really must-"

"I'm fine, thank you!"

"Dad what are you doing?"

"Dean I'm fine okay, just go tell the doctor to pop it back in already so we can go home," he grumbled looking at Sam who was snoring away with his head in Dean's lap. The kid had completely zonked out after he played guard dog to Dean and the nurse bandaging up his roped burnt hands.

"Dad why don't you want them to give you something?"

"Because I don't, just go Dean."

"No dad, just let them give you something."

"I'm fine Dean."

"But dad-"

"I said no damn it!!" John barked at his son.

"Uh, Dean, can I talk to outside for a sec kid?" Bobby asked pulling on his sleeve to take the upset angry teenager from the emotionally heated room.

"Look after Sammy," he told his dad as he lifted the kid's head and put his jacket there for a pillow. "What?" he asked Bobby when the old guy closed the door after them.

"Dean, what are you doing kid?"

"What? What have I done now?"

"Dean... 'Why don't you want the docs to give you anything?' do you know your daddy at all?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Dean, your daddy doesn't want anything because he wants to stay awake for you kids."

"But, it's a little pain medication, what the hell does that have to do with him staying awake?"

"Your daddy is a light weight when it comes to meds, so he would be zonked out from now till next week and he doesn't want that, he thinks he wouldn't be able to keep you kids safe if he was high on meds, whole big thing when he was in the marines, he's never really talked about it but he still feels guilty for getting shot then half his buddies died because he wasn't there to lead them, was too high on the pills," Dean understood then, his dad was just as bad for blaming himself for things he couldn't control as Sam was. "Listen Dean, you and your dad could fight till you're _both_ old and grey but he will never take anything as long as you two are in his care, which if I know your daddy as I do, you two will be in his care forever and always. Just agree with him and let them do it without, I don't think Sam needs you two fighting right now."

Dean heard the tone when Bobby brought Sam into the argument, he knew it wasn't just the regular 'you two behave for Sam' talk, this was something serious.

"What's wrong with Sammy?" Dean asked about to break down, '_just when we get happy and settled, shit has to happen, what the hell have any of us done to deserve this?'_

"I think the suppressed memories he has of his parents are coming back," Bobby told the tall kid in front of him.

"Why would you think that?" Dean almost snapped, pissed at his surrogate uncle for bringing them up.

Bobby knew this would be a hard talk for Dean so he pulled the kid gently towards the double chairs behind them, and sat down. Dean looked at him in the eye, and tried to keep the worry down till Bobby was at least done.

"You remember when you were about 6 years old, running round after your daddy like the next John Wayne," Bobby smiled warmly and Dean nodded, he remember running round with his new knife that Bobby said he was too young to own, John of course thought he knew best, "and remember when you fell and almost slit your fingers off?"

Dean nodded and cringed, _'that hurt like a bitch!'_

"Well, you remember your daddy looking after you, comforting you that whole night, you wouldn't go to sleep for nobody, was scared shitless the blade monster would get ya in ya sleep."

"Okay now I know you're screwing with me, I don't remember dad ever 'comforting' me, and I sure as hell even at 6 wouldn't be a baby."

"Dean I'm being serious."

"Fine, go on," Dean accepted it, he did cry, it was scary, and he wouldn't go near another sharp object or even look at one for weeks.

"Well, your daddy said he kissed and make it better right?"

"Well, doesn't every kid believe that?" Dean defended feeling embarrassed for falling for the kiss and make it better bull.

"Dean, earlier in that hole, Sam saw your daddy's knee then almost had a heart attack, but he was fine, then he got this zoned out look on his face, like he was somewhere else you know."

Now Dean was starting to worry again, his heart pounded and he felt the blood rush to his ears.

"Then when he came out of it, he bent down and kissed your daddy's knee, said he kissed and made it better just like daddy did, man...poor kid, that's when the water works came."

"S-so...he remembers his dad kissing and making something better for him?" Dean asked rhetorically gulping down the tears, feeling for the kid.

"I'm pretty sure that's where he zoned out to," Bobby placed a hand on Dean's shaking shoulder and squeezed it in comfort.

"Huh...bet dad went all macho and ignored Sam right?" Dean asked with a humourless chuckle.

"Actually, that was the really weird part, he didn't, man he just about cried as much as Sam, he cares about both of you kids Dean, I mean it, I'm not jerking you around or playing tricks or trying to make you feel bad for anything," the older hunter swore when Dean rolled his eyes, "I'm just saying it how it is, your daddy loves you both, so go in there and be there for them both, he's scared Dean, I know he's a hard ass and won't admit it but he's scared for you both."

"Why?" Dean wondered, what was he scared about? What for? And who of?

"Nothing specific, guess it's a parent thing, comes along with love and worry and all the rest."

"Not following," Dean said.

"You love Sam right? You wanna be there for him? Look after him?"

"What the hell kinda quest-"

"Would you let me finish!"

"Sorry," Dean mumbled letting the guy go on.

"Well, you get scared right? Worried about the kid when he's not in your sight?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, that's how your daddy feels, he damn near had a heart attack when Sam started to turn blue, got the same look on his face that night he found you took off to go hunt on your own."

Dean cringed about that, he now knew that was one of the dumbest things he's ever done in his life, he could have gotten them all killed that night.

"So, will you two just stop butting heads just for tonight and will you follow your dad's lead?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Dean, Winchester's are the only things in your daddy's whole life that he makes exceptions for. He will go down to the wire, and fight tooth and nail to keep his family safe."

Dean knew it was true, he'd never thought about it like that before but now he did, it make him feel different inside, better than he had in a long time.

"...thanks Bobby," he looked up and smiled awkwardly then stood ready to go along with his dad with no stupid nit picking fighting tonight.

"Welcome kid, I'm gonna be waiting out here."

"Don't you wanna...?" Dean motioned to the room as he put his hand to the door.

"Nar, family thing, I'll be right here, you go ahead kid."

"Hey, you're the one that always says family doesn't end with blood," Dean pushed not wanting Bobby to feel weird and like he had to stand out of the room.

"I know, but tonight it's a Winchester thing, go," the guy smiled nodding Dean who nodded a thanks once and went inside the room to his dad and Sammy.

"Listen Dean I've-"

"S'okay, you want me to get that doc? Sooner we get your old man knee back in the sooner we can go home right?" Dean asked smiling casually as he sat down in his chair once again next to the bed.

"Ah...yeah, thanks kiddo," John smiled back strange at how well that went and the lack of yelling that just went down, _'what did Bobby do to my kid?...Cristo,'_ he snorted to himself.

Dean pushed the buzzer at the side of the bed then got comfortable again next to his still sleeping baby brother.

**~S/D~**

"Are you sure about this Sir? I really must insist-"

"My dad's been shot in the liver 3 times and had to stay awake while one of his friends who wasn't medically trained pulled them out with nothing so much as aspirin, I think he can handle it," Dean butted in with a proud smirk on his face.

The doctor and the 3 nurses holding John down hummed and looked wide eyed and shocked.

"Okay, you wanna hold onto someone?" the doc asked moving in again.

"N-"

Dean pushed a guy nurse out of the way and went to his dads hand and squeezed it tight, Sam was awake now and going to the other side of John holding his other hand.

"Kids...I'm not sure that's a good idea," Bobby said hoping to god John wouldn't break both kids hands.

"We're good Bobby," Dean said taking his hand away and holding his dad's shoulder knowing it wasn't the best idea with the state his hands were already in.

John looked at a worried Sam and made a promise to himself that he would put all the pain into the other side of his body and prayed he wouldn't squeeze Sam's hand and break the fragile bones in two.

"On three...one...two _CRACK!"_

"AAAAHH!!" yelped John as he sat up, his muscles involuntarily pushing him up and he almost head butted one of the orderlies.

"You okay dad?" Dean asked patting his old man on the back as he tried to gain control of his breathing once again.

"I'm good son, thanks kiddos," he praised both of them taking a look at Sam's hand even though his head was spinning and he was about to throw up. It looked a little red but fine so he chose that moment to let his food up. Bobby saw the green tinge on his friend's face that no one else would catch so he pushed all the nurses out of the way and shoved a kidney dish under John's chin.

"Ah gross dad," Dean moaned but kept his hand there circling his dad's back.

"Uuh, sorry, that happened last time too," John cringed telling everyone he was done, it was just the pain and the shock but he had control of them both now so no puke bowl would be needed any longer.

"Now you tell us," Dean moaned like he was angry but he laughed a little looking over at Sam who was pushing the medical staff out of the way that insisted he was too young and not strong enough to handle what had just gone down, '_you showed them huh kid,'_. He smiled as his baby brother was mimicking him and rubbed circles on the other side of John's back but leaning into his neck a little, he was really tired, it had been a long day.

"Thanks boys," John smiled breathless, patting Dean's hand that was still on his shoulder and leaning a little into Sam's hair that rested on his other shoulder.

"Well uh _*cough*_ doc can we get out here now?" Bobby asked clearing his throat mid-sentence.

"I'll get your release papers and your meds, I've only prescribed light pain relief so you should be okay, and I've prescribed Dean some ointment for the burns, come back in a few eek for the stitches to be removed."

"Hey uh, Sam has had that cast on for like...about 2 months, can it come off now?" Dean asked out of the blue.

"Course, I'll just double check his notes from his last doctor, I'll send someone up and they can sort you out, Sam Winchester right?" they all nodded then the doc waved and said, "take care guys," then left the room.

"Huh, Sammy's not gonna like that," John mumbled knowing they were all thinking it.

"I know, but he'll be fine," Dean said smiling at the sleepy kid.

**~S/D~**

"It's gonna be fine, I wouldn't let them near you if I thought they might hurt you right?" Dean asked the shaking kid who nodded his head trusting Dean, but the lady with the saw was still scaring him.

It was now John's turn to hold the kid's good hand and Dean was the one holding him steady, his big brother was about the only one in the room he would let restrain him without panicking.

"It's okay Sammy," John promised trying to move his wrapped leg round a little so he could lean in closer to Sam and half hug him while the woman in blue scrubs looked up asking everyone if they were ready.

"Go," Dean told her and she did, she carefully turned the buzzing tool on and sawed through the plaster on Sam's hand. The poor kid now had a river down his face and wasn't liking the horrid vibrations though his body that seemed to rattle his ears putting a tone of pressure there on the most vulnerable fragile part of his body.

"Sshh, it's okay, it's okay, ssshh," John cooed knowing Dean was a little too busy trying to control his own tears right now.

"Deaf patients tent to be more susceptible to the vibrations of certain things like this saw so it will be a bit of a shock and upsetting to him," the woman explained.

"Sshh, it's okay Sammy," Dean just said trying not to hit the woman for not telling them that sooner.

When the plaster finally snapped all the way they all breathed a sigh of relief and no one was happier than Sam to get the thing off him and the woman away from him as soon as possible. They all let go of the kid giving him some space but when he seemed to only get worse they all closed in again.

"Sammy? Sammy what's wrong?" Dean rushed making the kid look at him.

"Maybe the movements put too much pressure on his ears, I...uh...ah..." she woman stuttered not knowing how to apologize, if she had known sooner she would have gotten a doctor to do it with the cutting pliers instead.

It was clear the nights events, the emotional rollercoaster and the added pain in Sam's ears was all getting to him now as he just sobbed uncontrollably letting Dean and John hold him tight as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut hoping when he opened them he would be back home safe with them, no pain, no fear, no evil, just him and his new found family.

**~S/D~**

"Dean I got your daddy," Bobby said as he unlocked the motel room then ran back to the car where Dean was cradling Sam and John was trying to get out by himself.

"I got Sammy," Dean said to no one in particular as he held the passed out kid in his arms and took him inside the bed.

The poor kid had given into exhaustion about half an hour after the doctor came back and gave him a shot for the pain in his ears. He didn't take it willingly, in fact Dean, John and Bobby had to hold the flying limbs down with all the strength they had. Sam was in hysterics, he screamed and screamed and wouldn't let anyone besides his family touch him, he just wanted to be held and wouldn't let go. They finally came up with a solution where John held him in a hug but keep him still at the same time while Dean stroked the kid's hair and Bobby held his hand, then the doc moved in and administered the drugs saying Sam would be okay in the morning and the pain should be gone.

"He'll be fine Dean, he just needs more time," John said snapping Dean from the painful flashes of what happened an hour ago, the nail marks he left on all of their arms, the things he tossed round the room, the screaming, the bruises Sam was causing on himself, the tears on all of their faces.

"Yeah I know," Dean mumbled putting all his trust into his father's words hoping he was right. He then held Sam carefully as he pulled the covers over them both and Sam snuggled unconsciously into his side. Bobby pulled every Winchesters shoes and jackets off, took the boys jeans off with no jokes, then looked over to John telling him he was on his own with his.

"Sleep tight Sammy," Dean whispered half asleep.

"Sleep tight boys, sweet dreams," John whispered looking over at the other bed from his own.

Bobby settled himself for the night on one of the chairs the crappy motel provided.

"Get some sleep John, I'll look after the boys."

"Thanks man, for everything," John said not taking his eyes off his kids.

"Don't mention it, now get some shut eye."

"Yes ma'am," John saluted shuffling down his headboard but still watching his sons before soon giving into his own exhaustion.

"Aahhh what a week," Bobby sighed then grabbed a magazine and prepared himself for the long night ahead.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Love the LOVE x **


	23. Back on the Road

**Back on the Road**

"Dean, you packed up son?" John asked hopping over to his eldest with his crutches.

"Yeah, I got everything," he mumbled looking over at Sam and sighed then zipping his bag up.

"He's gonna be okay Dean, once we get home he'll feel better."

"I hope so."

"Besides, no nightmares last night right?" his dad asked trying to look at the positive.

"Right," Dean said, _'sure there were no nightmares, didn't mean Sam wasn't depressed again though did it?'_

After taking a few moments to sigh and grunt in frustration, he looked up and smiled nodding Sam out of the room as Bobby stood waiting to lock up.

Sam stood slowly from his little corner he had favoured once again and walked with Dean but kept his eyes to the floor and his arms curled round himself like he was hiding from the world yet again.

'_Damn it! I thought he was okay! We went over this! He's safe!! I told him he was safe! Please don't make that nut job doctor right, he's fine now, no pills, no crap because me and dad both agreed after a few weeks, meds wouldn't solve Sam's issues, making sure he knew he would be okay with us and we would always take care of him the right way would make him better! Please don't make her right please!!!'_

"Dean you wanna drive?" John asked knowing the answer already.

He nodded and he sighed once again as he got past the keys.

Bobby was waving off getting in his own truck he went and fetched in the early hours of the morning from the road side of the woods where he left it last week.

Sam didn't wave off, he was so stuck in his own thoughts and his own depressing bubble today to even register much else besides Dean. He shadowed his big brother to the driver's side like he was waiting to be told where he could sit.

John knew the boys needed each other so he cleared his throat, opened the back door, sat in carefully and laid his bad leg out over the seat trying to look comfy. Dean smiled as best he could nudging Sam to sit in next to him, the kid got in at Dean's side after a few minutes and shuffled across to the far side where he picked up his legs and tucked them under his chin and leaned on the cold glass window. Dean took off his jacket, nodded to his dad silently telling him to pass him the shirt from the top of his duffle then got in the car. He laid his leather jacket over the kid and lifted his head slightly putting the shirt against the window as a pillow.

Sam looked at him, didn't smile but gave him a slightly less stone dead look that said thank you then he snuggled a little into the leather that was still warm from when Dean had it on seconds ago.

They set off after Dean made sure everyone was comfy and well seated. He chose to leave the radio off, not wanting the rocking speakers to jolt Sam's still sensitive ears and hoped the loud roar of the engine wouldn't hurt them either, he drove slow and sighed knowing this was gonna be a long drive.

**~S/D~**

"Dad you want anything?" Dean asked looking in his mirror to the back seat.

"Coffee?"

"Sure, come on Sammy," he said to the kid patting his on the leg telling him he get out with him, there was no way he was gonna let Sam sit moping in the car for the rest of his life.

Sam shook his head then rested it back on the shirt hoping Dean would leave him alone.

"_**No, come on, get your ass up,"**_ Dean ordered with a serious face.

Sam mewed and turned in on himself hiding his face in the fabric under his head.

"_**Sam, out, now."**_

Dean forced making Sam huff coming out of the shirt, he shuffled out of the car and looked down at his shoes for the millionth time but followed Dean inside the store.

"_**What do you want?"**_ Dean asked nicely pointing to a few candy bars and soda.

Sam of course shook his head and studied the floor tiles again.

"_**Pick something or no drawing for another week,"**_ Dean warned knowing it would work, but shockingly, Sam just huffed and shrugged like he didn't care.

Not knowing what else to do, Dean held Sam's clammy but un-plastered hand and pulled him gently to the back of the shop where no nosey busy bodies could snigger and ease drop. He kneeled down on the floor, cupped his hands on either side of Sam's face and looked seriously worried, then asked slowly and gently, "what's. wrong. buddy?"

Sam gave him the killer tear soaked heart breaking puppy eyes and shrugged his shoulders telling Dean he didn't know.

"Just. one. of. those. days?" the big brother asked mouthing wide still.

Sam nodded, sniffled a few times and Dean let him sink a little into his shoulder so he could let a few left over tears from last night out in private. The little kid buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck and sagged a little feeling safe again.

When he was done he lifted his head and sniffled, Dean wiped a few stray tears then stood leaning Sam into his side with an arm wrapped over the kids little shoulders.

He pointed to the shelf, Sam quickly smiled kindly then pointed to the biggest bag of chilli Doritos the shop offered and a bottle of water, Dean would have protested, but Sam gave him a look then said, _**"I like water, it's good for you, soda is..."**_ then he pulled an 'ick!' face making Dean laugh.

They picked up the food, got a large coffee from the machine for John then went to the till and paid.

Dean made fun of Sam for being a health freak on the way back to the car then got in all smiles feeling like the weight of the rainy cloud now lifted.

"You boys okay?" John asked them both casually as he was handed his coffee, Sam nodded lifting his head so he could see John in the mirror, the kid smiled then sat back down in his butt as Dean chuckled not needing to give any more than that to tell his dad they were both okay.

**~S/D~**

"Home sweet home," Dean said turning the hall light on as he walked in and dumped the bags.

Sam was hovering over John watching him limp to the front door, he had his little hand on John's back steadying him when he hit a stray pebble.

"_**You guys okay?"**_ Dean asked keeping his feet firmly planted inside the house wanting to give Sam a little space to grow his confidence in himself and his ability to be himself around others.

The kid nodded smiling at his big brother then went back to give John a hand who was letting himself be helped for the first time in years.

They finally reached the house and still Dean backed off as his dad and brother went to the couch and flopped Dean.

"Man, I'm exhausted," John chuckled leaning back and closing his eyes, but he was forced to open them again when he felt a tug on his collar.

"_**Bed time,"**_ Sam told him pulling him to his feet once more and leading him to the bedroom.

"Wow, jeez how long was I gone?" John gasped seeing all the painted rooms.

"We got bored," Dean smirked.

"Nice one boys," John smiled patting Sam on the back before letting himself be lead to his bed where he was removed of his boots and grunted when Dean helped out in lifting his bad leg on the bed.

"Sorry," he winced moving it a little more.

"Thanks son," John smiled once again, he was about to sit up and un-strap his brace he was made to wear for 4 weeks but the boys already had it covered and were pulling the Velcro off and shuffling the back stiff fabric off his leg.

"Here," Dean said handing his dad some pain pills, a few more than prescribed but he figured his dad needed it, he wasn't looking so hot right now.

"Thanks," he took the pills dry then leaned back against the pillow feeling instantly guilty. _**"Hey kids, I think I should-"**_ he was about to push off the bed but Sam stopped him and made him tense with a finger in his face and a scowl.

"Huh, bossy much," Dean chuckled.

"_**Thought I was the dad?"**_ John asked shocked.

"Can't you just sit tight and let us run the house? We've done it for the last week you know."

John's guilt upped a notch then.

"Sorry, dad I didn't mean it like that, I'm just saying, we can look after the house till your old guy knee is better."

"You keep calling it that and you'll be the one stuck in bed young man," John said chuckling.

"Not if Sammy has anything to say about it, now shut up and go to sleep," Dean ordered closing the curtains.

"Hey listen kids," John paused, lifted his hands, then carried on, _**"sometime next week maybe we should go do something? You know like a family, like go see a baseball game."**_

Sam's eyes lit up and he grinned wide, looked over at Dean to see if he was as excited and Dean nodded impressed.

"Awesome," the eldest kid cheered as Sam gave John a high five then went back to looking stern tucking John in tight.

The boys went out, closed the door behind them leaving their dad to sleep for a few hours while they unpacked.

Sam went to the bedroom and found himself drawn to the dog still tucked in his covers.

"_**Let's go watch some TV,"**_ Dean said pulling Sam to the living room along with Brownie where they sat with the left over Doritos watching _'The Searchers.' _

**~S/D~**

"Okay, so I guess you're the one to ask...how did it go the last time?"

"He panicked a little but he was okay, why'd you ask?"

"Just...don't want him to be upset by anything, he's had enough already," Dean grumbled to someone yet no one at the same time.

"He'll be fine Dean, come on we gotta go if we wanna get there before the game starts," John said looking at his watch then limping over to the front door with his keys and wallet.

"Are you sure about this I mean we can-"

"He'll be fine," John said once again then smiled as a little bush haired boy walked fast over to the door jumping in his skip.

"_**Sammy you ready to go?"**_ John asked matching the kid's grin.

He nodded then shot to the car ahead of them, John gave Dean the 'told you so,' look as he hopped to the backseat leaving his eldest to huff unconvinced in the house. But soon they were all sat in the Impala driving off to the barbers.

"So what can I do for you guys?" the guy asked.

"Just a tidy up thanks," John said first sitting in the chair waiting.

"Hey!" Dean yelled when someone came towards Sam with a cloak, he wrapped his arms round Sam keeping him close and growling at the young woman.

"Dean!" John scolded.

"What? She was-" Dean whined.

"Doing her job," his dad finished. "Just sit down and chill out, he'll be fine okay," John promised in a kinder tone now.

"Sorry," Dean mumbled t the woman only now seeing how freaked out _he_ was,_ 'guess Bobby was right about the being scared thing.'_

Sam was now leaning into his big brother scared, he didn't know what was going on but could feel Dean's anxiety and it scared him. If Dean was scared, there must be something wrong.

"Uh, come on," Dean sighed putting his hands on Sam's slightly shaking shoulders guiding him to another spare chair and still kept contact when he was sitting.

Dean noticed how pale Sam was thanks to his freaking out, he knew he had to put that right, no way was Sam gonna feel safe if he kept driving a wedge of fear into him. _**"Hey, I'm right here,"**_ he hushed ruffling Sam's overly long hair that almost touched his neck now.

The kid settled a little but didn't take his eyes off his big brother as the woman came closer again. Not wanting another repeat of the hospital trauma Dean sat in the chair opposite to his baby brother and held his hand tickling the palm to make him giggle. When people were staring Dean glared at them then looked back to Sam and squeezed his hand reassuring him before it was his turn and he was told to sit up straight.

"Spiked on top, short on the sides?" the guy asked spraying Dean's hair with water.

"Uh yeah, thanks."

"Same for the kid as well?"

"NO!" both Dean and John yelped about to dive at the sweet talking woman.

"Oh uh..."

Dean and John both looked at each other chuckling in surprise at how overprotective they both were over even Sam's hair.

"Just the messy look but a little less messy thanks," John snorted asking for what the woman suggested last time he brought Sam to a place like this.

"You got it," the woman said about to run her hands through Sam's hair until he flinched.

"He's just a little jumpy, don't take it personal," John told her and Dean was impressed at his father.

Sam shuffled in his chair closer to Dean and they could all see the tense jaw of the kid.

Dean leaned over and grabbed Sam's hand again and held in his telling him he was okay.

**~S/D~**

20 minutes later a newly groomed, fresh looking Dean and John were waiting on Sam. Having the most hair he was taking a little longer but he had done shaking now he had Dean's full attention and protection.

"We got 40 minutes till the game, plenty of time," John announced.

The woman was now snipping through Sam's bangs making the kid tense again at how close she was to his face.

"Mmhh, mmhh, mmhh," he whimpered taking in quick breathes of air squeezing Dean's hand tighter.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, you don't have to be scared," John said going in Sam's line of vision.

"Was he this freaked out last time?" Dean asked barley moving his lips.

John nodded a little, "he freaked out and jump in his seat every few seconds last time but he was fine when he was out of the chair," he said copying Dean's lips.

Dean sighed, he didn't want Sam to be scared anymore, of anything, he just wanted him to feel safe, like the little kid he was years ago.

He was tempted to run a hand over his face but stopped himself and just went to smile at Sam who could now see past his hair.

"All done," she announced about to brush the hairs from Sam's shoulders.

"Naaa!!" he yelled jumping forward, he had stayed still for half an hour and he had enough, he wanted out of the damn chair and away from the 20 sets of eyes watching him.

John stopped the hairdresser and brushed the cloak off himself, that was when Sam leaped on him for the first time last time, the guy barber was about to brush the kids shoulders when he yelped and almost broke down in sobs, _'can't have that this time, Dean would kill me.' _

"Dean why don't you take Sammy to the car and pull up out front while I pay," John suggested patting Sam's shoulders off one last time then let his boys go.

"You're okay Sammy," Dean mumbled walking to the car with the kid, they stopped when a car was passing and Dean looked at Sam then signed, _**"I'm real proud of you."**_

Sam smiled blushing a little.

"_**Much better Shaggy,"**_Dean grinned ruffling Sam's cut hair then walked all the way over the road to the car and they got in smiling and laughing.

Sam returned the favour by messing up Dean's spiked do and sticking his tongue to say 'ner ner.'

"_**Dude that is so not fair!"**_

Sam continued to laugh and the boy prodded each other till Dean announced they needed to pick John up.

"Ready boys?" John asked hopping into the back seat only wincing a little when his knee caught the door.

"We're good, baseball here we come," Dean grinned hitting the engine getting a loud roar and laugh from Sam when it tickled his ass in the seat.

"Would you watch it Daredevil," John whined getting rocked in the back.

"Big baby," Dean teased then decided to hit the gas once again laughing when other drivers honked at him.

"Haha! Catch me if you can grandma!"

"God help us," John snorted.

**~S/D~**

"Wwwoooohhoooo!!" Dean cheered skipping out of the stadium.

Sam was skipping along too, they weren't sure which team they liked because they didn't know either of them but when Sam told them he wanted the ones in blue to win Dean and John's minds were made up, they wanted the blue team to win. And of course, with Dean biting his lips and Sam's grin and cheering, the blue team won easy.

"Hey dad, we should totally go to see the Jackrabbits more often, that was awesome!"

"Was pretty awesome," John agreed.

"Hey! You girls looking for a rough up?" a crowd of guys asked laughing and stumbling over to them drunk.

"Why don't you just go on home?" John said pushing Sam to Dean as they walked to the car trying to ignore the drunken mob in yellow.

"Hey, grandpa's got some balls, how bout you kid? You got a smart mouth tongue in that cave of yours?"

"Yeah I have, you wanna see how smart ass my fist is?" Dean smirked, he got this sudden rush of adrenalin, dying to put a few assholes in their place for some reason.

"Dean, just get in the car," his dad whined worried about Sam, sure they could all handle themselves and pin the 4 jerks to ground without breaking a sweat but Sam didn't need that, he didn't need these douche bags making him scared to come to a game again.

"You you heard your daddy, get in the car like a good little boy, poor baby, bet his mommy dressed him in too much pink when he was a baby."

"Yeah, but I straightened her right up when I fucked her hard."

'_Oh no he did not just say that."_

_Punch!_

_Kick!_

He was rammed into the nearest wall and the guy cried out when his head hit the bricks.

"You fuckin asshole! You never! EVER! Talk about my wife ever! I'm gonna kill you!!"

_Punch!_

_Kick!_

"Aah...m'sorry, please don't kill me...I'm sorry man."

_Kick!_

_THUMP!_

_PUNCH!_

"Dad! Dad stop it! Dad stop you're gonna kill him! Stop!"

"P-please...please don't kill me."

John gave the asshole one last knee in the ribs before he dropped him and let him role and cry on the floor. When he whipped the blood off his knuckles he noticed the other guys on the floor too, hurt and groaning but not bleeding like the fucker that said _that_ about Mary.

John took out his gun from the back of his jeans then hissed, "next time I see you, I swear to god I will kill you," low in his ear before walking off, past the car, and past anything with Dean following him, calling his name, begging him to come back.

"No Sammy don't!" he heard Dean yell, but it sounded different, worried, scared, terrified even.

He turned in a flash and in the far distance he saw a very hysteric Sam kicking the bleeding one in the nuts with Dean trying to hold him off.

"Crap," he grunted to himself running back.

"Sammy, Sammy it's okay, don't, it's okay," Dean cooed turning Sam and taking him in a hug as the kid cried not knowing what he was doing, why he felt the need to beat the man, why he felt the need to cry now, he just didn't know what he was doing. "Sssh, it's okay, it's okay Sammy."

John bit his lip as he approached, ready for Dean's yelling. But instead, Sam took his right arm and twisted so he could hug both his brother and his new dad.

"I'm sorry boys, I didn't mean to-"

"S'okay dad, let's get outa here," Dean said calmly tugging both Sam and John to the car.

Sam tightened his fists on John jacket like he was afraid he was going to take off again as they both got in the back.

"M'sorry Sam," John whispered kissing the top of Sam's hair then pulling back and wiping a hand down his face.

"We better get a move on before someone finds those assholes," Dean said very fatherly and in control.

"They won't rat us out," John said.

"Crap! I think they already have! Damn it!"

"Okay, Dean deep breathes, we just need to-"

"Dad we're gonna have cops on our ass!!"

"Dean, just chill out okay."

Sam began to cry once again feeling like an outsider, having no clue what they were talking about the feeling like he wasn't really part of the family_._

"Dean, it's a few punches, they can't do anything even if they do catch us."

"Dad! If they catch us, they'll search our house for the gun, if they search our house they'll find our arsenal then think we're nut jobs, then they might take Sam! We need to move, now!"

"No Dean just drive steady and they won't catch us now if we blend in."

"No dad, I mean move! As in leave town!" Dean said panicking.

"Dean what about-"

"Just ask Sam, it's up to him," Dean said firm.

"No Dean."

"Ask him!"

John sighed loud and annoyed, but he turned to a crying confused Sam and said, _**"the police might catch us and find our guns then take you and Dean away, Dean says we need to leave town and run, are you okay with that?"**_

Sam took a few moments to understand the term 'run.'

"_**Sam? You need to decide fast, move now and run away, or stay and fake it?"**_

"_**Scared of being alone." **_

"Yeah I know," John whispered cupping the kid's cheek.

"_**Don't want be caught and taken away, please,"**_ he sobbed.

"_**You're okay with never coming back here ever again?"**_ John asked.

Sam nodded.

"Dean, you got that? He says yes, we're running son," John grinned liking the rush of the hunt and the road again.

"Yes sir," Dean nodded forcing himself to drive steady.

"Back to house, pack our crap in no more than 20 then we're outa here."

"Yes sir."

**~S/D~**

"Okay, dad I'm packed, Sammy's packed, you got your keys?" Dean asked running down stars followed by his little brother who was now feeling the rush like they were.

"Got everything, burned the crap we don't need and wiped our prints, we're ready to go."

"What are we gonna do about Sam and training?"

"Well, if it's okay with him and you, we can train him on the road."

"Fine by me, but only for Sam's benefit, we teach him so he can be safe."

"Absolutely," John agreed.

"Let's bust this joint," Dean grinned leading Sam to the car telling him to get comfy, it was gonna be a long drive.

"Dean, I'll call you when we're on the road, stay safe son, follow me and do not get caught, if anything happens, protecting yourself and Sam are the only priorities to worry about understand?"

"Yes sir," Dean said hating it that his dad's safety wasn't on the list but he knew he had to take care of Sam, his dad could handle himself.

"Be careful boys," John smiled before getting in his truck.

"Let's move out Sammy," Dean smiled handing Sam his jacket for later and a spare pillow the house no longer needed now they weren't in it.

**~S/D~**

"Sam asleep?" John asked a very tired Dean.

"_Finally,"_ Dean told him.

"We should pull in for the night."

"No, I'm good, 3 more hours in me at least."

"What's wrong Dean?" John asking picking up on the avoidance.

"Nothing."

"Dean?"

There was a long sigh before_, "I don't think I'll be able to sleep."_

"Why not?"

"_Brain is thinking too much."_

"About?"

"_....Mom,"_ he whispered.

"...what about your mom?" John asked wishing he could be there in person to ask his son about this kinda thing and not do it over the phone and have to look at Dean's dark eyes though his mirror.

"_Just...mom stuff."_

"I'm sorry I lost it today."

"_Don't worry about it, I lost it too, if it wasn't for Sam I-"_

"You'd what?"

"_Those other guys would be mush right now, but Sam pulled me back, then I pulled you off ass hat number 1 and..."_

"Yeah, sorry for walking away I just..."

"_Yeah, if it wasn't for Sammy, probably would have ran off the other way, god knows where we'd both be right now," _Dean chuckled.

"Yeah," John chuckled too.

"So, besides..._that_, you kids have fun today?"

"_Yeah, I guess."_

"What?" John asked knowing something was up.

"_Nothing."_

"What Dean?"

"_I just...Bobby said you were scared-"_

"Scared?! Me? Now that's funny!" John laughed.

"_Dad I'm serious!"_ Dean yelled hurt.

"Oh...s-sorry," his dad winced, he didn't mean to laugh that hard, he was trying to look macho.

"_He said...he said you were scared for me and Sam, and, it's the type of scared that comes with being a parent or something, and today...I've only just got what he meant."_

"Meaning?"

For once Dean was glad his dad couldn't see his face.

"_Meaning...I'm scared for Sam...and you and I'm sick of Sam always getting kicked when he's down I'm sick of life being so shit to him, what the hell has he done? He's a good kid and I'm just tired of having to protect him from it, I thought life was supposed to be good and good people get rewarded and all that crap, but instead, Sam's had to work his ass off for god awful animals and he still gets treaded like shit, it's just not fair."_

"That's life Dean, it's not fair and it's not right and it kicks you when you're down but...we just have to do our best from now on to look after Sam and each other and not get too caught up in all the crap."

"_Yeah but...we've been doing that for years, hell mom was...and it still ends up like shit no matter how hard we try and I'm sick and tired of it."_

"Yeah, I know, and I totally understand, but you can't let that stop you from trying, from proving life wrong."

"_Yeah...I guess, tomorrows a new day right, back on the road, bad diner food every night."_ Dean said chuckling at how normal it sounded, but then it simmering it down to a sigh.

"We're gonna be fine Dean, we always are."

"_Yeah I hope so."_

"I know so."

**THE END.......**

**Sequel coming soon...I shall let you know x **

**_Tiny tiny request...please please please all 94 of you guys that have me as a fav please send your love?!! im dying to reach 400 at the end of this one, please!!! it would make my year and i will take a request from any of you!!! lov ya'll!!! _**

**_Thank you also to the misterious:_**

**_Twilight Fan_**

**_writer29_**

**_Jessica_**

**_lunapia_**

**_ali_**

**_coldkagome_**

**_LOVE YA'LL!!!_**


	24. New Story Alert! :D

**New Story, sequel to End of Silence called 'AU Never be the Same' is now up!! :D**

**Told you I wouldn't be long!! hehe x Enjoy!! lov ya x**


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